June 2000 - 1

In The Bureau
June 3, 2000

"He'll be here soon. Want to bet me?"

"No way. It's a sure thing. I've been expecting him ever since he
got back. He's probably interviewing the inhabitants of the wardrobe right
now."

"He'll want to know absolutely everything, every teensy weensy
little detail."

"Actually I wouldn't mind that myself. And as for him, well you
can't really blame him. He's been with her the longest."

"Yes but to hear him talk you'd think he's the only one who cares
about her. Just because we haven't been with her as long as he has doesn't
mean that we don't care about her, too."

"He knows that, but it's different for him. I think he loves her."

"You're kidding aren't you? How could he love her? I mean, doesn't
he realize that.?"

"Of course he does. But who said love has to be rational? Love at
first sight I believe it was, too."

"I had no idea."

"Neither did I. But I heard Black Narrow Legged Pants talking with
Black Zipped Jacket awhile back. They've been around for quite some time
too and they were saying it was so touching the way he was always there
ready and willing to do her service at any time of the day and night. And
from what they were saying he gets called on a lot during the wee hours. But
never a word of complaint does he make."

"Unlike Black Zipped Jacket and White Buttoned But Not Tucked in
Shirt! They 're always complaining about the hours they work. Not that I can
really blame them myself. And the state they've come home in
sometimes. Especially White Buttoned But Not Tucked in Shirt.
Sometimes it's been hard to tell who she really is."

"Yes but he's had a hard time of it himself. I've heard via Longer
Black Jacket and Wider Legged Black Pants that he's often been just cast
aside on the ground while Scully's been digging or something similar."

"You know, it's a pity those outer garments are so snooty. We could
learn a lot from them."

"There're not all snooty. Pale Blue Jacket and Mauve Jacket are
quite friendly, as are their respective partners."

"Yeah but how much action do they get to see? Lately it's like
she's in a black funk. No one else gets a look in."

"Good thing she never cares whether we're black or white."

"Yeah, nor the top half either. I've heard from the drawer below
that Black WalMart Bra One and Black WalMart Bra Two have been run
ragged lately. Literally! Much to the chagrin of White Buttoned But Not Tucked in
Shirt. They'll be headed for the ragbag soon."

"Yeah but what a way to go!"

"Indeed! But getting back to. . . "

"You know he'll want proof."

"Won't he just assume?"

"Not him. He never assumes anything. Always wants details and proof,
which is only to be expected I suppose. You know what they say about coats
and their owners!"

"Excuse me, gentlemen, but might I inquire to whom it is that you
are referring?"

"Overcoat, of course."

"Overcoat? I don't understand."

"Oh, I'm sorry, Frilly Black. I forgot that you and Lacy Black are
just recent additions to the collective. It's so long since there's been
any additions!"

"Overcoat's in love with Scully. He's just got back from the
cleaners and has no doubt just found out she's pregnant, so of course he'll want
all the details - when it happened, who's the father ---"

"But, Black WalMart Special One, won't he just assume Mulder's
the father? I mean it's the obvious conclusion. Hey, why are you
laughing White Target Special Three?"

"You certainly haven't been here long, have you?"

"No, only a couple of weeks. Why?"

"Well that certainly explains it!"

"Look, Frilly Black, around here nothing is ever as it seems."

"In this collective you'll learn to expect the unexpected. Getting
thrown into a suitcase late at night, packed so hurriedly that you get all
wrinkled or wedged together so tightly that you can barely breath. Being
worn for 36, 48 even 72 hours straight at times, all at the whim of that partner
of hers, Mulder."

"Oh yeah, Mulder. I've met him. Nice guy."

"You mean, you know who he is. We all know who he is."

"No, I mean I've actually met him. He's got nice hands. And lips And
teeth."

"What? Why haven't you told the rest of us about this?"

"Why, I thought you all knew him, too."

"No, we don't! Well, not those of us in this drawer. A couple of the
Bra's have seen him briefly but none of us here. So what's he like?"

"Well he's. . . "

"Hang on a minute."

"Don't stop him!"

"But this is important. How long have you been with us?"

"Three weeks I think. Maybe four. Why?"

"That's not long enough. You couldn't have been the first. She must
have bought you later to impress him or something."

"I think that's right. I remember him saying something along the
lines of, 'Hey, these new knickers, Scully?' and she said something like, 'Do
you like?' and then he said, 'oh yeah but I'd like you better out of
them," and then he. . ."

"We get the idea, but..."

"Would you quit doing that! I want to hear this!"

"So do I, but don't you see? If she bought them later then that
means that someone's been holding out on us in here."

"Huh? Oh yeah. I see what you mean. Overcoat would be proud of
you."

"Okay boys, come clean. Who was there at the beginning?"

Silence.

"Come on, fess up. We want to hear how it happened. You know we've
been rooting for them for so long."

"Maybe it's someone in the laundry hamper."

"And what about the bras? Someone down there's been holding out
too."

"I suppose, Frilly Black, you and Lacy Black have respective
partners?"

"Yes we do, actually."

"Well, that explains why we haven't heard anything from downstairs
either. But there must still be someone down there who's holding out too.
Not to mention the wardrobe."

"As if they'd tell us anything! Uh-oh."

"Good evening, gentlemen."

"Uh, good evening, Overcoat."

"Just stopped in to have a few words with Black WalMart Special
Four. Ah there you are, hiding away in the corner. Come on out, there's a
good lad. I 'm not going to hurt you."

"Y..yes, Sir."

"You know what this is about?"

"Y..yes, Sir."

"Would you prefer to go somewhere private? My pockets are available
at this time."

"So it's you who's been holding out on us, Black WalMart Special
Four! How could you do that?"

"Leave the lad alone. He hasn't had much experience. You know
what's it's like for the ones tucked away in the corner. They tend to be
forgotten for long periods while you in the front get out and about all the
time. I'll bet he hasn't been out much at all by the looks of him. That
right, lad?"

"Yes, Sir."

"So, do you want to go somewhere else to talk?"

"Oh, please, Black WalMart Special Four, don't go. I'm sorry I
yelled at you. But we've all got a vested interest in this, and I for one
would really like to hear the story."

"Yeah, me too."

"And me."

"And me."

"How about it lad?"

"Um. do you think Black Target Bra Three could come up? She was
there with me and Black Side Zipped Skirt and her partner and Longsleeved
Green Fitted Sweater. We vowed that we'd keep it to ourselves because it
just seemed too special to share."

"I've already spoken to the others. They've told me they were there
but that it was really your story to tell. I'm sure they'll come. Besides, I
think this is really cause for a celebration, so let's get everyone here.
What do you say, lad?"

"Um.okay. Get them all here and I'll tell you what happened. . ."

Diary of Alex Krycek
June 2st, 2000

Found a new apartment today. Sure, it's dark, cold and creepy, but it
can also be magnetic and damn fine looking at the same time.

Oh hell, who am I kidding? The place is a real rat trap!

I'm settling nicely into my new up-scaled role around here. Spent a
few hours today attending refresher courses in "Basic Nasty" and "Dirty
Unhanded Tricks". Tomorrow I have an intense workshop on "Betrayal" and I
should be ready for complete syndicate re-certification.

After class, I felt the urge to do some hands-on sharpening of my
skills and decided to do a little surveillance on Scully. Now that
Mulder is off in outer-space (where I always thought he
was anyway, or at least should have been) I knew she'd make an
interesting subject to tail.

Interesting, indeed!!!

Scully made a trip to her OB/GYN. Now, this seems normal enough at first
glance, but something deep inside told me something could be up after
seeing her walk through the door carrying a family-size bag of Cool Ranch flavor Doritos.

I waited patiently until she came out again, slipped into her car, and
leaped on a box of what appeared to be Ho Ho's in the front seat.

As I peered through the bushes at her, she wept and gorged herself
on rich snack foods till she suddenly pushed open the car door and lost her
lunch....uh, make that her junk food crap fest .... on the ground nearby.

A little simple checking - well, simple for a brilliantly evil man such as myself - and
it's confirmed: Scully is pregnant. Mulder, it appears, will be a daddy.

Of course it's Mulder's; who else? I've seen it all along, I just
knew. Everyone knows it! Anyone who thinks those two have gone 7 years of
nauseating trust, faith, and devotion without bumping uglies is kidding themselves!

As I sit here pondering the notion of Mulder/Scully offspring, I
wonder if a child of two people exposed to the virus, as well as the vaccine,
produce an immune child? Has this always been the plan? Was Mulder
given Scully only to have her taken, infected, and returned, so that he could
be the father of the child who would save the planet?

DAMN CBG!!! That bastard!!

We work in his name, suffer in the name of the project, and he has
yet again set Mulder on a pedestal.

I wont let them win. The glory shall be mine!!

I'm an attractive, fertile, exposed-to-both-virus-and-vaccine man.
All I have to do is find myself a woman in The Project of child-bearing
age who might help me create a savior of my own ...

This time I will out do Mulder! This time I will win!!

Notes to self:
- work on curbing the urge to use wicked, evil, bad guy laugh when
I'm alone. Trading prison for nut house at this point will severely
hamper my plan,

- CALL Marita!! Invite her to dinner and drinks....
Be smooth, attentive and be sure not to mention wanting to knock
her up to keep up with the Mulder's.

NEXT

1 2 3

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15

1 2 

1 2

1 2 

1 2 

1 2