June 2000 -13

Journal of Dana Scully
Sunday, June 25, 2000
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The reality of Mom discovering my miraculous pregnancy is starting to hit home. At first, I wondered if I dreamed all that stuff about rabbits, and Facts Plus and the EPT tests, but then I went into the bathroom to throw up the Ovaltine macaroni and cheese I craved last night, and the empty Facts Plus and EPT boxes were still in the waste basket. So I figured I better call Mom and sort of feel her out. Last time I discussed my reproductive system with her was at Easter, when I stubbornly refused to attend the Annual Scully Easter Egg hunt because I considered it an insensitive assault on my supraovulated, barren body. Mom was pissed about that, but I couldn't bring myself to tell her that the REAL reason I wasn't about to wake up at 6:00 on an April morning and go foraging through her backyard was that I was much more content to lie in bed with My Touchstone and read the New York Times backwards.

So just as I was trying to work up the courage to call Mom and attempt to tell her about my miraculous return to fertility and even more miraculous return to sexual activity, the door bell rang. I figured it would be Mom, coming to have that heart to heart talk we've both been avoiding, but it was Father McCue instead.

He wasted no time and asked me immediately if I had something I wanted to confess. There he was, an imposing figure standing there in his clerical collar, and I'm just in a bathrobe monogrammed, "FWM" -- Muld....My Partner's robe! I told him that the monogram stood for "Federal Workers' Morningwear" and he was nonplussed. He asked again in that gentle but prodding way, "Is there something you'd like to tell me?"

So I spilled everything. I did the whole, "Bless me Father for I have sinned" bit, and admitted to going through the express line at Safeway with 14 items rather than the limit of 12. I admitted that I once prayed for it to rain sleeping bags so Mmmy Partner would get lucky. I admitted that as time when on, it would take far less than a rare meteorological fluke for Mmmy Partner to get lucky. I admitted that I'd temporarily converted to Buddhism to get lucky too, and THAT really stumped the poor old guy. He patted my tummy, which is still almost ab-roller spokesperson-worthy, and shook his head, blessed me and said he hoped to see me in church later that morning.

I would have gone to church, later, really, I'd planned on it. It's just that when I was checking my e-mail to see if Byers, Langly and Frohike had any news for me, I decided to check the Nabisco web site and I made the most HORRIBLE discovery!

Mallomars aren't manufactured between mid-March and October! I thought it was some terrible, terrible, joke, but it's true! Ever since Mallomars were first introduced on November 13, 1913 in West Hoboken, New Jersey, these sinful treats, smothered in a pure dark chocolate coating, are susceptible to melting in the warmer summer months, so Mallomar production goes on a hiatus not dissimilar to a network television schedule! If only I had known in advance and could have planned! The Mallomar website (http://www.snackwells.com/Mallomars/default.htm for future
reference), told me not to "fret, because if you want, you can freeze as many boxes as your freezer can hold and enjoy them throughout the year." Freeze them!? FREEZE them? How will I ever make it through 'til fall? This calls for desperate measures. This calls for....Nurse Owens!

DKS

Tales From the Linens: Mulder's Bedsheets Tell All!
Date Unknown

Psst!... Tops, are you finally awake?

Yeah, Bottoms, I'm up but I have a really bad wrinkle in my middle
this morning.

Sorry to hear that. Didn't you find last night rather exciting? I
mean, Yeowee and Woohoo!

Damn! I *knew* something was going on but I was unable to see
anything.

Well, why not?

Shortly after that pretty redhead got under me, *he* kicked me off
and pushed me down to the end of the bed! That's how I got this terrible
wrinkle!

Oh man! You missed it, then?!?

Hey, you guys, speak up. We can't hear you up at this end of the
bed.

Morning, pillow cases. How are you both doing this morning?

Great! This is a good morning for me, at least. Today he didn't wind
up pushing me onto the floor like normal. He was very content and able
to have a great sleep for a change. Of course, he had a *special night* and I
can understand why he was so tired!

Well, Left-Sided Pillow Case, you are certainly luckier than I
am today.

What do you mean, Right-Sided Pillow Case?

I am *very* confused this morning because, every night for as long
as I can remember, when he would grab onto me and hold me close to him, he
has *always* called ME Scully! When he did, it was as if he was afraid
to let me go.

So, Right-Sided Pillow Case, what is your point?

Well, Bottoms, I want to know who this red headed woman is and why
he kept calling HER Scully! I mean, did he think that he was holding me?

D'oh! You cloth-head, the *read head* IS Scully. She is the lady he
is always mumbling about in his sleep!

Tops, are you sure?

Right-Sided Pillow Case,I am absolutely positive! Until last night,
he would be holding you but dreaming of her. However, after last night, I
don't think you will need to worry about that anymore. I have a feeling she
will be here again and again! I feel this way because they each held onto one
another and promised this was the *new* beginning they both had been waiting
for!

Come on, guys, let's get back to what happened last night. It seems
things got interesting shortly after he kicked me off the end of
the bed, thus giving me this *HUGE* wrinkle I can't get rid of, which is
really starting to give he a headache! So, would one of you three
be so kind as to tell me what in the HELL happened? Please!

Well, we now know his name is Mulder because she kept saying his
name over and over last night. Her face was so close to his I could really
hear it quite well . . .

That is nice to know, Left-Sided Pillow Case. To finally put a
name with that handsome face!

Listen everyone, *I* was privy to the whole thing, being on the bottom,
after all, so let me tell Tops everything that happened.

Thank you, Bottoms, please, do continue.

Well, . . . after Mulder took his shower he tried so hard to fall
asleep but, as usual, he just tossed and turned. Then suddenly . . .

OH, wait! I remember this part because I was still covering him. As
I recall, she came into the bedroom and stood there looking at him. He then
looked up at her and gently took her hand. . .

Yes, he did. The he lifted his head from me and asked her if she
was all right. If every thing was okay. . .

Yup, that's right, because he was holding onto me at the time, but
when she came in he let me go.

I seem to remember her taking his hand when he offered it to her.
He then motioned for her to come and sit beside him by patting on me! Once
she did so, they began talking ever so quietly.

I was lying right next to him I could hear them talking. He was
concerned if this was the right time. She reassured him that the
time was most definitely *now*!

Agreed: that WAS the conversation. As soon as they each made the
other feel comfortable, she stood and walked around to the other
side of the bed and began undressing.

Then she EVER so gently lifted me up and slid down under me. They laid
in each others arms for quite a while and then, just as things started
heating up, just as they began to show each other their
love. . . *WHAM*! He kicked me off, down to the end of the bed!

So, Tops, would you like me to *finish* this now?

Yes, Bottoms, please do. And I am sorry for interrupting you.

No problem, I understand! Before I go on, does anyone *else* have
anything to add?

I do, I do!

What is it Left-Sided Pillow Case?

Tops, before you got pushed out of the way, were you able to hear
the lovely warm, wonderful, heartfelt conversation they had? How they each
were able to express their love for each other? How they cried?

Yes, I did Left-Sided Pillow Case, thanks for asking. Okay, Bottoms,
please continue.

It seems as if these two were making up for a lot of lost time. I
mean, we have never seen any other woman here before in all
our years. But even so, he managed to be so gentle with her as
if she were fragile. He really let her know how he felt about her.
How he loves her. Of course *WE*already have
known this for quite sometime. Well, all but Right-Sided Pillow Case that
is.

HEY!

Sorry, no offense, Right-Sided Pillow Case.

Now, where was I? Oh, yeah, she in turn accepted the love he was
showing her and gave it back to him in just the most loving way also. Her love
was so from the heart, as if she realized that she was where she finally
belonged! :::::sIgh::::: it was all just to wonderful.

For the next few hours all they did was make love to each other. I
know it was a night that they won't forget. As a matter of fact, I don't
think we will, either.

Well, I sure am hoping we are here on the bed for the *NEXT*
meeting between these two.

Well, Tops, so do I! This was *our* first time to ya know? I mean
we haven't experienced *this* before either. I realize now that, that *thing*
out in the living room always taunted us, and yet *it* never shared a moment
like this before either. So I have just one more thing to add:

What is it, Bottoms?

Hey, you out there in the living room, the big black leather thing!
All I have to say to you is: Neener, neener, neener *WE* won! :-P~

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