| ErAsE mE Online goodness to enrich your soul 9_9 thats if you still have one *rumages through papers upon papers of signed over souls* mine~ .......................................................... Brought to you by the makers of Lufa...the practice Satan, collect the whole set. ..................... WARNING: Strong content of miss spelling and puncuation follows..did we mention the writer is insane..and a teenager?! |
| ::KEY:: Font= Depression / Font= Angry/ dilusional / Font= Babbling |
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| Well things seem a little strange lately...>.> first off how was Valentines Day for everyone? second: keep imagining V-day then imagin me slapping you upside the head...er only if you had a really good one 9_9. And last...look at the color! im actually happy wee!! ^_^ i was reunited with my old friend Megan this weekend =3 we had a hell of a good time XD mostly talking about superstition. Hehe i made an amulet for my dreams at first it didnt work (had it for 5 days) then i asked my mom to bless it (shes kinda like a wiccan) i tried it out last night and slept over 12 hours!! Let me explain...remember when i told you about my dreams and how they terrified me? Well no matter how long i slept it would never be enough. last weekened i went to talk to someone about my dreams, the man told me what i already knew..i had brought back an entity when slipped into my friend's dreams. That entity would absorb all the good energy you get when you sleep so no matter how much i would sleep..i wouldnt be rested. To fix that he told me to make an amulet which i did ^^;; but i forgot you need to give it that extra kick..which i got from my mom who blessed it. So last night i feel asleep at 9:00 pm to take, what i thought would be a 2 hour nap before getting to work....it turns out i woke up at 10:30 am the next morning ^.^Well im super happy..just wanted to share with you guys~ 2/20/03 |
| Not sure what color to use so i guess i'll use this one. Well i have a story to tell you guys, its a little weird and almost unreal. A few months ago i made great friends with a person online, it was up until a week ago that i found out where he lived. it was quite funny he mentioned he lived in oregon, it kinda shocked me but it happened before so i asked him where in oregon, he didnt want to tell me till i told him. out of fear or ..something i told him i lived in Eugene, he was shocked and said he lived in springfield (for those that dont know, eugene and springfield are jointed cities, cross a bridge from eugene and your in springfield) well it turns out he lives only a mile from my home. we exchanged #'s and called one another soon after. Later that week we met, he came over to my house and ^^ well we played video games. it was really cool, we had been great friends online..we just picked up irl. so.."alma whats the problem?" oh god how do i put this....its hard not being the pretty girl so..i..>< god um.. i think i scared him away with my face. there i said it um fucking ugly >< yea my mom and sister say im pretty and even some friends but they only say that cause they're friends and family....my friend isnt online anymore and well he hasnt called im not the type to call and beg or..see whats up ....god i feel pathetic. i dont know what to do anymore its like...i tend to ruin everything with the way that i look -_- am i truely a monster? oh well....what do you guys think? email me will ya i need to hear what you guys think. [email protected] subject: Reject his bday is today...should i call and say hi or just forget the whole thing and pretend like nothing happened? Thanx for the input 3/8/03 |
| What can i say? life seems a bit staler then usual today. Waking to the voice of my creator and dreaming all night about the meaning of my existants helped very little. I'm a fraud..born and raised to be a human yet i find it so hard to adapt to feelings. When i am to love...i end up hating, when i am to hate...i end up loving and when i find something or someone not good for me or bad for my being.... i end up obsessing over them like one would over something so valuable. I truely dont mean to hurt the ones i love, i dont mean to make their lives a living hell but it cant be helped. I'm beginning to wonder if im some sort of living breathing bad luck charm...when im far from my family they have the best time in the world. whenever i return...so does the bad luck and they soon grow tired and sad. I am winter and they are spring,...both never meaning to meet and get along. Perhaps my existance is meaningless...beyond destruction. 3/13/03 |
| Okai enough bitching and moaning, today was great in the begining..then went to shit when i opened my mouth and spoke from the heart...which usually gets me into a big pile of steaming....well you know. the day continued on crappy as hell, me losing friends left and right ^^ then a mircale happened. see yesterday (i think it was yesterday) someone had told me that my old old oooold friend had wanted to talk to me..being the fool i am i waited thinking i could put it off a few days..o_O you know...not wanting to sound desperate and retarded (which i am x_x) i ended up waking up in the middle of the night to pm him o_O;; and i left withouth waiting to see if he was on...>_> er i guess he was on cause when i logged on later i saw some offline messages. i regained a friendship i had lost so long ago...i feel someone ..lighter...less sad ^^ with some hope. Yea i know what you guys are saying " shes just going to be bitchy and sad tomorrow" and .maybe i am but will you guys be happy for me today? i really need that...thank you 3/14/03 |
| Its so strange waking up with the courage to go do something...to actually be happy. =\ hmm its also strange to see things from your past come back and haunt you. like...you know that person i always wish would call me and tell me how much they loved me?...he actually called yesterday night, i thought that if i had the chance i would tell him how much i wanted him back in my life..and...to my surpise i felt totally nothing for him. I didnt cry, i didnt beg, i didnt...i didnt regret anything after the phone call ended. all i wanted to do was...o_O get him out of my mind, i felt strangly sick, like i wanted to empty my stomach onto the bed *shudder* i dont know how he got my number but >_> if its from my "little brother" then hes dead *growls* anyways.. o_O yea...er ciao? or stuff 3/23/03 p.s. EEEE i got my license! |