| ErAsE mE Online goodness to enrich your soul 9_9 thats if you still have one *rumages through papers upon papers of signed over souls* mine~ .......................................................... Brought to you by the makers of Lufa...the practice Satan, collect the whole set. ..................... WARNING: Strong content of miss spelling and puncuation follows..did we mention the writer is insane..and a teenager?! |
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| ::KEY:: Font= Depression / Font= Angry/ dilusional / Font= Babbling |
| Yes, we've made it to page five...if you have any comments or suggestions feel free to post it on my guest book. I dont suppose listening to depressing music is the best for writing. >< i really hate how life is going at the moment. nothing seems to be working out...like every little thing is..broken. I know for sure that my spirit and soul have been broken to unbelievably small pieces...i dont think anyone could ever put them back together. i wish we never bought this house, i wish my mother hadn't worked that night....i wish i never tasted the best of life..so that this fall would be less painful. I wish i understood what is happening to my life..our lives....i wish i had some sort of grasp on whats happening..><....sigh....im so angry it depresses me. This year we will not be celebrating christmas, nor my birthday...last year we didnt celebrate thanksgiving because my mother was in the hospital. Oh god....im struggling so hard to keep faith in you but everytime i push myself to believe you throw something else at me.I dont want to turn of age because i feel as...if this whole year has been stolen from me...why should i bare the age if i was not allowed to live this whole year? Last year no one remembered, this year everyone will rememeber (my family) and we will be too poor to celebrate. i really hope im working on my bday so i dont have to see their faces filled with sorrow...with guilt on that stupid fucking cursed day i was born. at least i can say bah humbug! and not look like a total nut...sorta..aaanyways take care everyone 12/19/02 |
| i hardly know what to write, i feel as if i had over stayed my welcome on this website, in this house...in this life. my experation date is drawing neared...and all i can taste is bitter sweet victory. i am about to turn another year older and cant help but feel like my life is a complete waste. i would like life to stop so that i may catch up...my life has left me so far behind and im currently struggling to catch up. on the lighter note...i think im over my ex..yea i know i always say that then i fall into a deep depression and can do nothing but think of him. One of our good friends (ex and mine) is coming up for the summer, its far into the futur but its something im looking forward to. Hes coming all the way from Texas (i live in oregon) im happy and then a bit worried. I'm afraid that i might go crazy...my mind is not working normally as before...all this worrying is making me sick, physically, mentally and emotionally. I get mad easier, cry more and blank out more often..im afraid i'll hurt s omeone and not know what im doing till its too late. I'm so tired...and no matter how long i sleep i cant manage to get enough rest. I also worry that my bday will come and...everyone will feel quilty. I dont want to spend that day reasuring everyone that i dont mind being too poor to buy a cake..or presents or whatever kind of traditional things that are done on bdays.It was bad enough making my mom feel better about christmas i had to reasure her that it was okai to not give us presents...she felt guilty that whole day...and i couldnt help but feel sad. had it been a different year...a year that i actually cared about shit..i would have been sad but this year..i didnt give a fuck i had no feelings towards the holidays. well anyways..yea thats enough i guess. 12/26/02 |
| ^_^ wow where shall i start? lets see....my bday was a blast...sorta XD haha it went much better then i expected. after that life seemed to be going somewhere. new years was okai as well >>;; we really didnt do the whole count down thing due to the fact that the whole family was pissed at one another. hehe im laughing as i write this cause..>_> well its funny... er to me at least =D why beat you kids when damaging them mentally does way more damage..lol. Er anyways! =D umm...*blushes* this will be the girliest side of me...that you may experiance...but i want to share with you my down falls as well as my er...up times?..good times?...x_X possitive times?...lol whatever you want to call it. ^_^ after a year and a few months i am no longer single. #>_># yea im really happy now..i feel more..well loved, i like this relationship better then my first. =D i feel as if im giving love and getting love in return..lol long story and i shall spare you the brain tumor? lets just say that my first bf was..and is o_o no better then dirt. lets see...hehe...I started school on the 6th =D im really happy about that...>_> lol and no thats not a typo. *___* sigh...J-chan....O_o;; er what? sorry lol me fantasysing?,,,,noooo >_> *cough cough* annnnyways lol =D.......take care everyone XD, 1/8/03 |
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| Pic "donated" by Jacob a.k.a. J-chan |
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