| ErAsE mE Online goodness to enrich your soul 9_9 thats if you still have one *rumages through papers upon papers of signed over souls* mine~ .......................................................... Brought to you by the makers of Lufa...the practice Satan, collect the whole set. ..................... WARNING: Strong content of miss spelling and puncuation follows..did we mention the writer is insane..and a teenager?! |
| ::KEY:: Font= Depression / Font= Angry/ dilusional / Font= Babbling |
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| Leave your mark and be gifted with the power of um...lirvana o_O its like nirvana x_X just sign it you sip! |
| It's so true what my mother said..it really is. not only did one of my former friends try ruining a relationship but he insulted my integrity. He managed to plant a seed of doubt deep within my heart which nearly led to my demise. later i got rid of that friend then came another. This friend i had feeling for so very long ago, i had told him about them several times sort of in a joking manner till one day i just told him straight forward...he laughed. That too ended, he came back later telling me sorry or something around that manner, i didnt care anymore i wont let others laugh at something i held dear to myself.Anyways i've been tempted by others, bribed even almost forced BUT i kept to my promise to myself and remain faithful. for once i feel proud of what i did, i havent given up, i havent caused pain knowingly and havent cried so..so i think im doing pretty good what do you think?anyways its around 8 am i havent slept since yesterday i think i might go now. 6.30.03 |
| Well then, what shall i post today? i feel a bit empty at the moment, nothing can compare to the void within me. i found myself growing addicted to writing letters, sending them to everyone and anyone who will listen...much less give me their addresses. of course i make sure that they're friends hell even enemies! my "friends" litter the globe from all over the USA to japan, Australia (sp? lol) to south america x_X its actually quite fun having pen pals. ack im too tired to write x_X be back later to post 7.4.03 |
| its hard not to be angry, its so hard to just hold back the anger i want to unleash on anyone unleash it upon this world. all my life i've been made fun of by strangers, friends, family i've been reidiculed by the same fucking catagory of people, been shunned because of my fucking race and for what? i have to become a stupid nobody, become another face in the crowd. i hate small towns, i want to move away and never return to this stupid shit hole of a town, i want to move away from my fucking family, i hate them all! al they do is judge me. one day...one day i will be happy until then i'll be normal...normal as dirt. oh if you're wondering why im so pissed....its because i had to take my peircing off...yea go ahead and fucking laugh, join the rest of the stupid mindless crowd. i dont get a job because of the peircing, now i have no job and no peircing...wee...fuck off. *breaths* look, it just hurt to have it taken off. my mom was so happy about it and all i could do was cry. it hurt to see it off my body, it had always made me feel better about myself, it was the only thing i liked about myself and no one understands, they dont care. im sorry for being angry but thats the only thing i can feel, i dont want to be sad because i know it will only get me in trouble. no one lets me cry, no one lets me get angry, i feel just like a puppet. so is it so hard to ask people to understand me while i cry instead of calling me stupid and laughing at me? its the only thing i had left to keep me from being so mellow like everyone else. im so tired of changing myself for everyone, ive been doing it all my life and all they do is laugh. but whatever right?,,,yea i thought so 7.6.03 |
| ack! again im sorry ~_~ i swear to bob im bi-polar o_O i wonder if theres a test you take to determin weither you are or not o.o oh well. um..lets see....i went to another Elders graduation >_> i used to tease him a lot and call him a jock...cause well he was o_O well anyways i would tease and tease him and he would tease right back ~_~ mom would point at us and laugh saying soething like "aww how cute" *shudders* anyways he jokingly used to say he was going to move to oregon (hes from utah or something) build a spare room next to mine and live here torturing the rest of my life away ~_~ yep..how evil. anyways last night he reminded me of it and if it and it took all my strength to not reach over and bean him on the head =P damn jock lol. anyways...OH! yea XD he also signed his soul over to me a few months ago just so i would make him a plush of himself (talk about ego?) anyways i didnt finish it on time so i had to get his address, he playfully nudged me and said somethng like "oh, so my two years weren't enough, going to stalk me more huh?" .....o_O yea..right! >< *shudders to death* just for that imgoing to put pins in his doll before sending it to him =P. anyways thats that ^_^ hmm dont really know what else to say so umbaiii~ 7.10.03 |
| its final, im closing this god forsaken website, i;ve given up on this and most everything else. no im not going through one of my moods again. i wont be making plushies again, i wont be doing much of anything anymore. im sick of being who i am, always pushing always hurting others, i lost a friend that will never be replaced. i lost so many things already and yet i cant get out of my own self pitty. one day i will have the guts to slit my wrists, when that day comes i hope that i die quickly, there is no point in living if everything i once cared for is gone. no, i wont get new things, i wont be stupid and dream new dreams its pointless i will always be the failur i was born to be.i just hope that when i do die people will actually care a simple "aw how sad" would be good enough for me, no tears needed. so then, this is goodbye to everyone who reads these entries, sorry i wasted so much of your time. Have a good one. -Alma- 7.31.03 |