| ErAsE mE Online goodness to enrich your soul 9_9 thats if you still have one *rumages through papers upon papers of signed over souls* mine~ .......................................................... Brought to you by the makers of Lufa...the practice Satan, collect the whole set. ..................... WARNING: Strong content of miss spelling and puncuation follows..did we mention the writer is insane..and a teenager?! |
| ::KEY:: Font= Depression / Font= Angry/ dilusional / Font= Babbling |
| Hohum~ Well, a lot has happened in the...month or so since i last wrote. I've been dating a guy that treats me well, is kind and loving. I have only recently decided to share this with all of you because..hmm well its not that i dont trust you ^_^;;; its just that...you know how the past relationships have come and gone and i felt..arg what is word...scared to admit he was"real". With this gain in my life i have lost another, though i cant say i really miss it. The once fading line between reality and imagination has been redrawn with something of an imitaion "sharpe" marker. Though i do know its only temporary i'd like to imagine it to be the real permanant thing. And onto this entry, to be the first of page 16. Again i feel content and very much alive. life comes to me like the seasons, each time dying in winter only to reborn in the spring. i know how corny that may sound but, i feel it every year. the spring fills me with undying, never ending strips of ruthless energy that only seems to die down as the year progresses. I only sometimes find myself terribly angered, the type of spell you go through every now and then, the type that simply vanishes with the slightest effort put in by another. o_o in other words, im a hornet, dont rattle the hive and i wont sting your sorry ass. I'm not at all, 100 % pleased with where my life is heading but its not shitty either. arg, just trying to say that im content, not super duper stupid, i-live-in-a-goddamned-fairy-tale-life happy but im not where i was a few years back. aanyways, happy 16th page entry to you all 3.10.05 |
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Life, has a way of jinxing itself or so i come to think. Yes, again i am sad, like that is much of a surprise. First off, i want to bitch out the person that left a message in my guest book, they come into my "world" and blamed me for only pointing fingers. Yes, you dip shit i did, do and will, its called a journal thats what you do, thats what this is for, something to write in so i dont run and scream it in someones face. I dont mean to always cry, and find things in life that seem so unfare. like you and everyone else i try to fix it, but it takes time and a lot of tears, and i shed them here so i wont let anyone see me struggle, you have the choice to read or just click this shut. Today i found myself not able to swallow, and when i could manage i found that my throat felt closed, tightend and numb. Every little thing brought me to the verge of tears, for christs sake, i was crying over a fucking picture of an old suffering woman, what kind of human would take a picture of someone suffering instead of offering a hand?, i wanted so bad to reach into the picture, into that time when they took it to hold her close, to hug her tight and tell her that everything would be alright, not just tell her that it was alright but to actually make it alright. how pathetic is that? and yet i find myself still crying as i remember the picture. FUCK, why cant i be normal, be outgoing and laugh all the time. i hate feeling like a spoiled brat and being accused of being one. i just want to grow up and act my age, and stop writting shitty posts that no one reads. i need to grow the fuck up!!! fuck! 3.14.05 |
| its sad how the only times i write in here is when im overly depressed, when im so angry, when im on the vurge of going over the edge...and all of you are here to witness it. you all seem to read my dark thoughts, view my selfish side, drink my incoherant words the same way im drinking this bitter vodka...slow and one sip at a time. Yea, life is okai right now but one small thing isnt so "okai". i tend to say things that i dont mean to say, get me pissed off enough and i will spit it in your face, i also hate when ppl tell you to give them an honest opinion and get mad at you for doing so. So i told my mom that she was a bad mother..well in other words i said that.She doesnt work but expects me to give her luxury..i moved out and she tells me i did it to save money. i did it because i couldnt take my sisters jealous rages, her anger and tantrums, i did it cause i could no longer say sorry for things i didnt do. i left and yes i happen to be saving a lot of money, but guess why? because im not paying any of the bills that arnt mine, i pay my rent, food, car, and other things that are my bills..;.so yea, since im not paying my bills plus theirs i happen to be saving a shit load of money. is that wrong? So she askes for money and i offer to pay the bill instead of giving her the cash to do so..this insulted her but why? the bill was going to be paid...so why? 6.8.05 |