| ErAsE mE Online goodness to enrich your soul 9_9 thats if you still have one *rumages through papers upon papers of signed over souls* mine~ .......................................................... Brought to you by the makers of Lufa...the practice Satan, collect the whole set. ..................... WARNING: Strong content of miss spelling and puncuation follows..did we mention the writer is insane..and a teenager?! |
| ::KEY:: Font= Depression / Font= Angry/ dilusional / Font= Babbling |
| Wow, i feel rather silly (and somewhat like god) looking back in time and reading my childish comments on life. Yes, yes, the lufa is back (break out the vodka), though i cant really tell you for how long. For those of you that may not have figured it out by now...i didnt kill myself o_O go figure. Though i will tell you a funny store about that...but perhaps now isnt such a good time. Up date on life: I did get a job at the post office..typing and forwarding letters (beware! i know where thou lives?) though the job is only temporary, i might get a year contract with them, weee everyone lets kneel and think happy thoughts for me!...no? ah, alright =P to you! I feel like my words are only skull fucking you sooo i will stop. My new website IS in the making, going to cut the string that binds me to my old life and closing this site is a "physical" way of doing so. Life is still shitty but i've either learned to cope with it better...or i just got used tot he smell x_X pweew! We have a new member in the family ^_^ a baby kitty. Poor thing, abandoned by its evil mommy (baby is two weeks old) her eyes are barly starting to open...any suggestions on names would be great! (please reframe from using the names/words "fluffy, snuggles, lucky, alawishis" and all that weird "poo") Though i did consider naming her "Jane Doe" hehehe....-_o please tell me someone got that. Er..yea email is [email protected] Please use subject name "kitty names" or something along those lines to keep me from targeting you as spam and sending you to hell with my magic clicky thingy! (<-- mouse). Well thats that. um hope i didnt change too much, and i do hope to gain your trust back weee baiz! "Lufa" 5.24.04 |
   |
| Leave your mark and be gifted with the power of um...lirvana o_O its like nirvana x_X just sign it you sip! |
| Alright, lets tell this story. I know it has been more then 5 months now, but a lot has been going on and..well frankly i sorta forgot about this online journal ^^;;. As i said so in the previous post, i Am indeed alive, though that was not the case back in march..or was it april? It was minutes after i realized that my bf at the time (lol..yea fuck you v_v what thats bf # 200?) had cheated on me ^_^ wow i pick winners! Anyways, it wasnt just that, it was the air, the lighting the pills that danced so happily in my hands. they were this bright blue color, i remember shoving half the tube of pills into my mouth then just swallowing and struggling to keep them down. i felt light headed and sick, sick at heart, stomach and brain wise. i knew someone had just snapped inside me releasing poisonous if not deadly powder into my blood stream. Sadly, so had the pills i had just taken. All i remember next was realizing what i did was "wrong" i called poison contol and they called my mom. Off to the hospital we went, they asked me questions and so i answered the ones they didnt ask. my heart was checked, my blood was taken, iv's inserted in the flesh. Nothing really mattered, really hurt, or even registered in my brain. it didnt bother me when the tube was shoved down my throat dripping thick charcole mix, didnt bother me how the lady was being a total bitch about this attempt, didnt bother me when i was left alone staring up at the ceiling with a raw throat. I would play games to pass the time, such as holding my breath and making my pulse go down. i loved how the nurses came to check up on me right away asking me if i was breathing okai or what not. Anyways i didnt mean to put anyone in a bad mood and i really dont want pitty, it was just a story to tell ya. But i was let go after a day in the hospital my ex blaimed this all on me. i dumped his ass and have been single ever since. I've been depressed since then but i keep my head down and listen to music, sometimes it goes away but sometimes it lingers a bit longer. its never gotten to the way it had that day. Its funny how laying on your "death bed" makes you feel much more alive. Someone did die back there and im glad it wasnt my physical self. So thats my story and im sticking to it...yep 11.15.04 |