Second Page News

Shiny Object Distracts Jimbo on Highway
-Thirty-car pileup results

Jimbo Fights the War on Tiredness
-Reports success, despite weird dreams

Jimbo Mistaken For Three-Headed Zombie Ogre
-"I don't have three heads," says Jimbo

New Scientific Research Suggests Universe is Not Centered on Jimbo
-Findings "disappointing, but a relief"

Feature Photo

Jimbo's Forklift

Jimbo News Archives

Vol. 1, Issue 1 (Feb 1 '00)
Vol. 1, Issue 2 (Feb 4 '00)

Vol. 2, Issue 1 (Feb 7 '00)
Vol. 2, Issue 2 (Feb 9 '00)

Vol. 3, Issue 1 (Mar. 6 '00)
Vol. 3, Issue 2 (Mar 31 '00)

Vol. 4, Issue 1 (May 9 '00)
Vol. 4, Issue 2 (May 25 '00)

Vol. 5, Issue 1 (Jan 8 '01)
Vol. 5, Issue 2 (Apr 17 '01)

Vol. 6, Issue 1 (Sep 15 '01)
Vol. 6, Issue 2 (Jun 5 '02)

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Writer, Editor, Publisher, and Keeper of The Cheap Yellow Background: Woody (Pig Boy)

If you for some reason should choose to send me e-mail, I have just the thing for you- an e-mail address!
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Volume 7 � � Issue 1  � November 5, 2002

Front Page News

Does Jimbo Exist?

"Yes," says Jimbo

In recent weeks the question of whether Jimbo actually exists has received much attention as a rash of Jimbo sightings has been reported.  An average of four Jimbo sightings per day have occurred within the past month, and for many the long-standing question of whether Jimbo exists has been answered.

"I have seen him with my own eyes," said a local man.  "Now there is no doubt in my mind that Jimbo is here among us."

Scientists searching for Jimbo have taken notice of the surge of Jimbo-related activity, and have found what they say is potentially conclusive evidence.  "We are now closer than ever to proving the existence of Jimbo," said Juan Bobo, head of the International Jimbo Search Program.  "Evidence we have, such as phonebooks with Jimbo's name and address in them, strongly suggests that Jimbo does in fact exist."

Upon hearing of the recent Jimbo sightings, Jimbo seekers from around the world flocked to Jimbo's Beer Shack to try to catch a glimpse of the elusive Jimbo.  When it was determined that these crowds had no intention of purchasing beer, machine guns mounted on the roof began to fire at people, and they dispersed.

Jimbo himself maintains that he does exist.  "Yes, of course I exist," he said.  "These people think they have seen me because they have  seen me, at the grocery store and places like that.  This whole ordeal has confirmed my suspicion that the world is populated by morons."

Still, skeptics remain.  "I haven't seen a single shred of evidence pointing to the existence of Jimbo," said toilet artist B.P. Calhoun.  "None of those who claim to see him are at all credible, with their 'advanced degrees' and 'credentials.'"  And Jimbo's own remarks and claims of existence?  "Pure egotism."

Jimbo: "It's been a busy week"

During what he described as a "busy week," recently Jimbo simultaneously worked on plans for a war with Iraq, became the latest person in the country to contract the West Nile virus, devised strategies to repair the troubled economy, intensified his campaign for governor, and readied himself to play in the World Series.  While discussing strategy with top military officials, Jimbo felt ill and went to a doctor.  It turned out that he had the West Nile virus.  However, he could not undergo any treatment at the time because he was too busy trying to institute programs to heal the nation's economy.  While working on that, Jimbo made sure to wear one of his campaign T-shirts as part of his renewed efforts to win the race for governor.  Under that T-shirt and his other clothes, however, was his baseball uniform.  After a few campaign stops and speeches, Jimbo reported directly to his daily practice in preparation for another of his team's games in the World Series.  Jimbo plays first base.

Crushes seven

On Friday, after reports indicated that a beer war might be looming in the future, an eerie calm descended on Jimbo's Beer Shack, causing the roof to collapse and killing severen patrons.  "We had just heard the news on the radio when this silence fell over us and nearly crushed us all to death," said Jimbo.  Jimbo and his customers were pushed to the ground by both the weight of the calm and the falling ceiling.  "I'm not sure which customers were killed," Jimbo said.  "To be honest I can't tell the difference between any of them- drunks all look the same to me."  In addition to the deaths, the roof's collapse caused debris to land in many beers.  Two of the injured were unaware of the ordeal until they achieved sobriety several hours later.  Jimbo said the deceased drunks will most likely join his Army of the Dead, which is an alcohol-induced figment of Jimbo's imagination that he still insists exists.

This latest structural damage to the Beer Shack will cost Jimbo an estimated $30, an alarmingly high figure for the frequent incidents of damage to the building.  The building has previously been damaged by the rapid inflation of a blimp inside and by a near riot over a late beer delivery.  "This time I'm going to improve- I'll make reinforcements when I repair the roof," said Jimbo.  "I'm expecting darkness to fall on us every evening after sunset, and I want to be prepared."

A couple links...

Puzzles Plus- My parents' store, which sells (duh) puzzles.  I command you to buy some.

The Nameless Forest- I'm not sure what this sort of thing is called, but you choose your path through a forest... just go there; I don't know how to explain! �It was made (and is constantly updated) by my sister and her friend.