Random Chancist dogma upholds that random chance is responsible for anything and everything. The religion�s practices are rather unpredictable. "Basically," said Jimbo, "every week there is a random chance that on a random holy day, there will be a random chance that I will go to a random location, where there will be a random chance that some religious ceremonies will occur." So far Jimbo has held no ceremonies, but asserts that "one could happen at any time, even when you least expect it."

The religion is not well structured, but "if you truly believe, it�s easy to follow," said Jimbo. According to Jimbo, there is a chance that there actually is some sort of hierarchy which by random chance has chosen not to reveal itself to Jimbo.

In founding this religion, Jimbo provided for strict punishment of sins. The most major sin is to believe that an event has actually been controlled by someone or something. "If anyone in this religion mentions something being a controlling factor, I swear to Random Chance I�ll whip him like there�s no tomorrow (and indeed there is a chance that there will be no tomorrow)," threatened Jimbo.

Jimbo Low Grade Shocker!

No one has been able to specify what kind of "D" it was, but it is rumored that it is "not too high, but not too low," according to an anonymous source. Jimbo supposedly had the "D" because a test grade was not recorded. Many are skeptical, though. "It�s a great cover-up story, but anyone as smart as I can see right through it," said Luigi, an acquaintance of Jimbo.

Others, however, have more faith in Jimbo. "I believe every detail of Jimbo�s story," said J. Wangatorium, who is often Jimbo�s Uno opponent. Another student, who wished not to be named, simply said: "Holy sheet! He always do my test; maybe that why I have �D� too."

RJ, Jimbo�s closest adviser, said that the matter will soon be resolved. "This is nothing to worry about," he said. "My brother has a mohawk."

Jimbo Eats Worms

Jimbo said: "If any of you people would actually take the time to try a worm, you�d probably like it. But no, you�re all a bunch of morons who don�t know what�s good for you! I�ve got a whole refrigerator full of worms because I�m not nearly as stupid as you!"

Jimbo�s confession immediately resulted in calls for impeachment by his congressional enemies. "What�s that about?" said Jimbo. "I don�t hold any public offices." A few hours later, the House Judiciary Committee issued a statement saying that they were "profoundly sorry" and that they had Jimbo confused with "someone much more important."