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Volume 1 � � Issue 1 � � February 1, 2000
Front Page News
Jesbo Honda Born
� � �Jimbo Accord (Fonzie) Honda and Jesus Christ became the
proud parents of Jesbo Honda last night, at 11:37 p.m. Jesbo �appeared
out of nowhere,� said Jimbo, citing as a reason for the phenomenon the
fact that neither he nor Jesus has the physical capacity to bear a child.
Jimbo left to tour the country this morning, preaching to Americans as the
son-in-law of God. Jesus was unavailable for comment.
Jimbo's
Beer Consumption Tracked
� � �A study was conducted recently to observe the daily beer
consumption of Jimbo. The chart to the right shows Jimbo�s beer consumption
over two weeks. The sudden drop to zero at the beginning of the second week
is due to time Jimbo spent in the hospital recovering from the 42 cans he
drank the previous day. His beer consumption was much lower most of the second
week, but on Sunday he broke down and drank 42 cans of beer again. He did
not go to the hospital again, but was said to be obviously intoxicated for
almost two solid days.
� � �Jimbo�s drinking problem supposedly stemmed from
an innocent beer can collection. His collection soon led to the opening of
Jimbo�s Beer Shack, which he co-founded along with a few �very
odd people.� Jimbo was then in constant contact with alcoholic beverages,
and he developed a drinking habit that will surely lead to his untimely demise
some day.
Jimbo Officially a Genius
� � �Jimbo A. Honda visited the United Nations last week,
seeking official recognition as a genius. The U.N. reported that he was
�frightfully drunk,� but granted him genius status nonetheless.
� � �Jimbo sought genius recognition because he invariably
�gets everything right.� His goal for the future is to be recognized
as a super genius, which he also claims to be.
