Second Page News
Jimbo Installs Anti-Aircraft Guns, Declares House No-Fly Zone
Jimbo Denounces Mexican Proletariat
Jimbo Commits "Critical Error," Explodes
Feature Photo
Writer, Editor, Publisher, and Person Who Made This Cheap Yellow Background: Woody
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Volume 4 � � Issue 2 � May 25, 2000
Front Page News
Jimbo May Have Descended From Mice T
The
theory proposed by Korn, an associate of Jimbo, states simply, "Jimbo
looks like a mouse." The theory was explained in better detail by
Korn: "Jimbo looks a lot like a mouse." An even better
explanation was offered later: "His nose and ears make him look like
a mouse, and he�s always squeaking and looking for cheese." Others
cite Jimbo�s long, prominent whiskers as evidence of his mouse heritage.
The theory has caused Jimbo to earn a secondary name: Mouse Man.
Jimbo has little to say about the theory. All he�s said on the record is "I am not Mouse Man." It is reported that he often gives strange looks upon mention of this theory. As can be expected from Jimbo, he has also made numerous death threats to those who say he looks like a mouse.
Jimbo contends that his squeaking and excessive cheese consumption and fear of cats are normal. "Doesn�t everyone eat thirty pounds of cheese a day?" he asked. No Jimbo, they don�t.
Jimbo Urges Public to "Fuhgeddaboudit"
J
imbo recently made a public statement apologizing for his actions and urging people to "Fuhgeddaboudit" (loosely translated: "Forget about it"). People now spend sleepless nights wondering just what Jimbo was talking about."I think it�s nice that he�s apologizing, but what the heck is he apologizing for?" said one Jimbo fan. Thousands of Jimbo followers have sent him letters asking for clarification. "I had to get a new walk-in mailbox to accommodate all the letters I�m receiving," he said. The United States Postal Service is having trouble making enough stamps for all the letters.
Jimbo claims to have no memory of his apology. "I am a perfect human being," he said, "and I have nothing to apologize for." He is puzzled about what happened. "I was probably just drunk," he said. "Fuhgeddaboudit."
Jimbo Unearths Chicken Dinner
J
imbo claims to have discovered the remains of a chicken dinner in his back yard. His findings have been sent to a lab for analysis.Jimbo says that he found the remains while digging for pork in his yard. "I was a bit disappointed at first," he said, "but I figured, �Why settle for the other white meat when I can have the original?�"
Jimbo reports that the dinner included a choice of two vegetables and a drink.
