Jimbo�s most difficult task in preparing his speech is deciding the level of condescension to use. "I�m not sure if I should directly tell everyone that they are morons, or whether I should subtly imply it," he said. "I suppose I�d better tell them directly; they�re too moronic to infer anything."

Jimbo�s original plan was to inform the public that he reached the top of his class because of his innate superiority, and that no one else ever had a chance to succeed as he did. "My message," Jimbo said, "is basically that everyone should abandon all their hopes and dreams because they are incapable of succeeding in life."

Several independent writers have offered to write Jimbo�s speech for him, suggesting a speech replete with such words as "buh" and "low key." Jimbo is taking the offer seriously. "It sounds like a great speech," he said. "The downside is that upon completion of the speech, I will be assassinated by my parents." Jimbo�s parents confirmed that suspicion, saying they plan to bring sniper rifles to the ceremony.

Jimbo Creates New Beverage

Jimbo dipped into his Give Jimbo Change So He Can Go Get Loaded fund to buy a lab to research his beverage. After days of experimentation, he created the drink, which he calls "The Jimbonator." He also had to buy a walk-in freezer for people to sit in while drinking this beverage. "It�s very unstable at room temperature," he said. "I don�t want my shack exploding again."

Jimbo Goes to Utah

Jimbo had thought no one was in Utah, and therefore had not allowed room in his budget for removing people. "I�d always thought this Salt Lake City was a myth," Jimbo said. "I mean, how can there be a city that�s a lake?"

Jimbo has now set his sights on New Jersey.