Second Page News
Jimbo Aces SAT, Earns a Dollar
Jimbo Discovers Meaning of Life In a Convenience Store
Jimbo Protests Inflation of Cheese Prices
Feature Photo
Writer, Editor, Publisher, and Person Who Made This Cheap Yellow Background: Woody
If you for some reason should choose to send me e-mail, you may do so by clicking here.
Volume 3 � � Issue 1� � March 6, 2000
Front Page News
Jimbo�s Head Deflates J
One witness reported, "Well, Jimbo had been in a conflict with a couple of �idiots� about whose answer to a problem was correct."
When Jimbo reached He-Man�s Holy Sanctuary, He-Man explained that both were correct. Jimbo�s head then deflated because of a decrease in brain self-esteem.
One witness reported:
"Jimbo believed he had attained super-genius status because he
thought he was the only correct one. We knew that Jimbo�s head would
either explode, or it would deflate. It would have been pretty neat to see
it explode."
Following the deflation, Jimbo made attempts to inflate his head. He maintained that only his answer was correct. "He-Man�s wrong; you�re all wrong!" said Jimbo. When verbal attempts failed to re-inflate his head, he resorted to putting a simple hand pump up his nose, which also failed. He was later spotted with his head in a vacuum chamber.
"Air won�t do the trick, and the vacuum will probably only make his head explode," said one of the �idiots.� "Then there�d super-genius all over the place."
Moron Throws Stuff At Jimbo
I
n recent days a moron has been throwing stuff at Jimbo while he eats."He throws stuff such as pennies, nickels, and gold nuggets," said Jimbo. "Sometimes he throws telephones and small mammals."
Jimbo is planning to take action. "I�m going to throw my ball of wax at him," he said. Jimbo was planning to let the ball of wax grow, but he�s willing to sacrifice it for the cause of eliminating morons from the world. "If I�m lucky, though, I�ll be able to retrieve the ball of wax from where it�s lodged in the moron�s forehead," said Jimbo.
Jimbo has confirmed the existence of five other morons, some of whom are infernal morons. These morons are not connected with the stuff-throwing moron, but there are fears that Jimbo will soon purge the world of these other morons.
Jimbo Receives Extra Liver
J
imbo left the hospital yesterday looking like a child who had just hit a home run in a neighborhood baseball game. The cause of his elation was an extra liver he received."With my second liver, I should be able to double the amount of beer I drink," Jimbo said. "This is the happiest moment of my life."
Jimbo announced that he plans to rob a liquor store, then go home and drink eighty-four cans of beer.
The last time that Jimbo drank 84 cans, he was clinically dead for seven hours.
