Scripts/Episode Guide

Series One:

Episode One: Whither Canada?

--It's Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart/Famous Deaths

--Italian Lesson for Italians

--Whizzo Butter

--It's the Arts (Interview with Sir Edward Ross)

--Arthur "Two-Sheds" Jackson

--Picasso/Cycling Race

--The Funniest Joke in the World

Episode Two: Sex and Violence

--Flying Sheep

--French lecture on sheep-aircraft

--A man with three Buttocks

--A man with two Noses/Musical Mice

--Marriage Guidance Cousellor

--The Wacky Queen

--Working-Class Playwright/Scotsman on a Horse

--The Wrestling Epilogue

-- The Mouse Problem

The commercial possibilities of sheep aviation...

Episode Three: How to Recognize Different Types of Trees from Quite a Long Way Away

--Court Scene (Witness in a Coffin and the cardinal)

--Bicycle Repair Man

--Tirade Against Communists

--Children's Stories

--Retaraunt Sketch

--Seduced Milkmen

--The Stolen Newsreader

--The Children's Interview

-- Nudge Nudge

Episode Four: Owl-Stretching Time

-- "And Did Those Feet"/ Art Gallery/ Art Critic

-- It's a Man's life in the Modern Army / Undressing in Public

-- Self-Defence Against Fresh Fruit

-- Secret Service Dentists

" Fresh fruit not good enough for you, eh? Well I'll tell you something my lad. When you're walking home tonight and some great homicidal maniac comes after you with a bunch of loganberries don't come crying to me!"

Episode Five: Man's Crisis of Identity in the Later Half of the Twentieth Century

--Confuse-a-Cat

--The Smuggler

--Vox Pops on Smuggling/A Duck, a Cat, and Lizard (discussion)

--Police Raid/Letter and Vox Pops

--Newsreader Arrested/ Erotic Film

--Silly Job Interview/ Careers Advisory Board

-- Burglar/Encyclopedia Salesman

Episode Six: The BBC Entry to the Zinc Stoat of Budapest

-- Johann Gambolputy......................... von Haukopft of Ulm

--Non-Illegal Robbery/ Vox Pops

--Crunchy Frog

-- The Dull Life of a City Stockbroker

--Red Indian in Theatre

-- Policemen make Wonderful Friends/ A Scotsman on a Horse

---20th Century Vole

"E's not pinin'! 'E's passed on! This parrot is no more! He has ceased to be, 'e's expired and gone to meet his maker! 'E's a stiff! Bereft of life 'e rests in peace! If you hadn't nailed him the the perch 'e'd be pushing up the daisies!"

Episode Seven: You're No Fun Any More

--Camel Spotting/ Train Spotting

--The Audit

--Science Fiction Sketch

--Man Turns into a Scotsman/ Police Station

--Blancmanges Playing Tennis

Episode Eight: Full Frontal Nudity

-- Army Protection Racket

--Art Critic-- the Place of the Nude

-- Buying a Bed

--Hermits

-- Dead Parrot

-- The Flasher

-- Hell's Grannies

"So, you want to join my mountaineering expedition, do you?"
"Me, sir"
"Yes"
"Yes, I'd very much like to, sir"
"Jolly good, jolly good. And how about you?"
"There is only me, sir."
"Well, bang goes his application..."

Episode Nine: The Ant, an Introduction

--Llamas

--A Man with a Tape Recorder up his Nose

--Kilimanjaro Expedition

--A man with a Tape Reocrder up his Brother's Nose

--Homicidal Barber/The Lumberjack Song

--The Gumby Crooner/ The Refreshment Room at Bletchly

-- The Hunting Film

-- The Visitors

Episode Ten: Untitled

-- Walk-on Part in a Sketch/Bank Robber (Lingerie Shop)

--Trailer/ Arthur Tree

--Vocational Guidance Counselor (chartered accountant)

--The First Man to Jump the Channel/Eating Chichester Cathedral/ Tunneling from Godalming to Java

-- The Pet Shoppe (Pet Conversaions)

-- Gorilla Librarian/ Letters to "Daily Morror"

---Strangers in the Night

"Good morning, I am a bank robber. Er, please don't panic, just hand over all your money."

"This is a lingerie shop sir."

Episode Elven: The Royal Philharmonic Orchestra Goes the the Bathroom

--Letters (Lavatorial Humor)

--Interruptions

--The Agatha Christie Sketch (Inspector Tiger)

--Literary Football Discussion (Jimmy Buzzard)/ Undertakers Film

--Interesting People

--Eighteenth-Century Social Legislation/ The Battle of Trafalgar

--Batley Townswomans Guild Presents the Battle of Pearl Harbor/ Undertakers Film

Episode Twelve: The Naked Ant

-- Falling from Buildings

-- "Spectrum"-- Talking about Things

--Northminehead Bye-Elections (Mr. Hilter)

--Police Station (Silly Voices)

-- Upperclass Twit of the Year

-- Ken Shabby

-- How Far Can a Minister Fall

Episode Thirteen: Intermission

-- Restaraunt Sketch (Abuse/Cannibalism)

-- Advertisments

--Albatross

--Come Back to My Place

-- Me Doctor?

-- Historical Impersinations

--Quiz Program-- "Wishes"

-- Probe-Around on Crime

-- Stonehenge/ Mr. Attila the Hun

--Psychiatry Sketch

--Operating Theatre (Squatters)

"Do you... Want to come back to my place?"

"I thought you'd never ask."

Series 2

Series 4

Series 3

Please note that these scripts and such are coprighted materials, not to mention pieces of comic genius from some of the funniest and finest human beings in the history of the world.  Six lads I have admired more deeply, more strongly, more abjectly than ever before.  Six Brits whose work is so totally and utterly wonderful these feeble words sound wretchedly and pathetically inadequate... So after you read these scripts go out and buy every piece of Python merchandise you can get your hands on.  (I have)