Jokes

Music Jokes

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Conductor

Ways to Know You've been in Band too Long

You actually like marching and would kill to do it year round.
The drummers start to make sense to you.
You stay in step with the people around you when you walk.
You direct to the songs on the radio.
Playing "stare down" with the drummer is no fun anymore.
You wonder what life will be like after band.
You roll step while walking to class.
You practice your marching music on a daily basis.
You think Louie, Louie is the best song ever written.
Those stupid "band humor" jokes are the funniest things you ever heard.
You pick out instruments from the music on cartoons.
Drummers make sense to you.
You major in music in college and use your band director as a role model.
You start screaming,"LEFT! LEFT! LEFT!" to people in front of you on your way to class.
You've dated everyone in band and wonder if you'll ever have another date.
You think that trumpet players have a right to be egotistical.
You don't think flutists have a slight attitude problem.
You change from your instrument to the tuba.
You have perfect pitch.
The band director is always right.
You marry that special someone in your section.
You have kids and force them to be in music.
Drummers make a lot of sense to you.

You can relate to a fourth or more of these things.

Top Ten Ways to Piss Off Your Drum Major

Listen intently to his instructions. Do exactly the opposite. Insist that that was what he said to begin with.
Empty spit exactly in the spot where he steps down from the podium. Get the entire brass section to do this. Often.
Harrass the cheerleaders. Blame the comments on the drum major.
Invent your own tempo. Stick to your guns, no matter how big his beats are or how much he glares at you.
"Confess" to your band director that you just can't follow such bad conducting and obscured beats.
Drop vital instrument parts during drill (this includes bells, foot joints, slides, etc.).
Wait until he's just finished an hour of basics reviewing. "Forget" to step off on your left foot. Repeatedly.
Whenever you see him trying to find his tempo, immediately start singing, playing, or tapping your foot loudly out of tempo. Annoyingly infectious songs or songs in a completely different meter are especially effective.
Wait until the buses have left before looking surprised and announcing loudly, "No one told us to take our uniforms off the buss, too!" or "You mean they aren't coming back to unload the instruments?!" NOTE: the above are best performed by at least three people for maximum chaos.

In your sweetest and most respectful voice, ask him, "As God, why can't you make our team win a game?" Look serious. Expect an answer. Wait for one.

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