| Trombone Jokes |
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| Why is a dead snake in the road more tragic than a dead trombonist in the road? 1. The snake may have been on the way to a recording session. 2. There are skid marks in front of the snake. What do you call a man who knows how to play the trombone, but doesn't? A gentleman. What did Captain Picard say when he entered a jazz club and saw a trombonist on stage? "Computer, end program." What does a trombone quartet sound like at the bottom of the sea? A good idea. How do you know if there's a trombonist at your door? The doorbell drags. How can you tell a trombonist's kid on the playground? He can't swing and he complains about the slide. Conductor to trombonist: "What's the subdominant of F major?" Trombonist: "What? I thought F major was the subdominant!" How many trombone players does it take to change a light bulb? One, but he'll spend hours figuring out what position he needs to be in. What kind of calendar does a trombonist use for his gigs? "Year at a glance." What's the difference between a bass trombone and a chainsaw? 1. Vibrato. 2. It's easier to improvise on a chainsaw. How can you make a French horn sound like a trombone? 1. Take your hand out of the bell and lose all sense of taste. 2. Take your hand out of the bell and miss all the notes. How do you make a trombone sound like a French horn? Stick your hand in the bell and miss even more notes. What do you call a trombonist with a beeper? An optimist. What is the dynamic range of a bass trombone? On or off. What's the best kind of trombone? A broken one. What do you call a trombonist with half a brain? Gifted. How do you save a trombonist from drowning? Take your foot off their head. How many trombonists does it take to change a light-bulb? Five: one to change the bulb, and four to make ludicrous sexual comments. How many trombonists does it take to change a light-bulb? One, but he'll do it too loudly. What is the least used phrase in the English language? "Wow! Look at that trombone player's Cadillac!" What do you call a trombone player in the street? A beggar. What's the difference between a frog driving a car and a trombonist driving a car? The frog may be on his way to a gig. What did the trombonist get on his I.Q. test? Drool. What does the trombonist say when he gets to his gig? "Do you want fries with that?" You're driving down the street and both your director and a trombonist run into the street in front of you. Which one do you hit first? 1. Who cares? 2. The director. Business before pleasure. Why do people choose to play the trombone? Because they can't read music and move their fingers at the same time. How many trombonists does it take to change a light-bulb? Five. One to hold the bulb up and four to drink whiskey until the room spins. Top ten reasons to play the trombone: 10. It doubles the flow of testosterone. 9. Chicks dig the big cases. 8. It's shiny!!! 7. Works like a lightning rod. 6. Tastes like chicken. 5. Slides nicely when lubricated. 4. Scares away the neighbor's cat. 3. Outblows any woodwind. 2. No batteries necessary. 1. It's the only instrument that doesn't suck. What's so tragic about a minivan with 5 trombones in it running off a cliff? You can fit more trombones in it. What's the difference between a trombonist and a mouse? The mouse actually gets some attention. How do you make a trombone sound better? Run it over with a lawnmower. What's the first position a trombonist learns? Head cocked, arm above head, finger scratching scalp. What's the difference between a trombone section and a saxophone section? The trombone section isn't supposed to sound like two cats in a fight. How many trombonists does it take to pave a driveway? One, if you really spread him thin. How do you make a trombonist drive faster? Take the pizza delivery sign off the roof of his car. Why did the trombonist cross the expressway during rush hour? Good question. A guy walks up to the band director and inquires about joining the band. The director says, "Sure. You can join our trombone section." The guy replies, "But I don't play the trombone!" "Well," the director replies, "neither does anyone in our trombone section." A trombpne player walks past a bar. What do you say to a trombonist wearing a three-piece suit? Will the defendant please rise? How many trombonists does it take to change a lightbulb? None, but it's the only thing they won't screw. How many lessons does it take a beginning trombonist to play a note? Two. One lesson to learn how to put it together, and a second one to learn how to blow into it. What do you call a beautiful woman on a trombonist's arm? A tattoo. Why are trombonists the best lovers? While trumpeters do it with three fingers and baritones do it with four, trombonists do it in seven positions. What do the letters "pp" mean to a trombonist? 1. An opportunity for an improvised solo. 2. A polite reminder that he has been playing too loudly for the past five minutes. How do you get a trombonist to play more slowly? Put a page of music in front of him. How do you get him to stop completely? Put notes on the page. What's the difference between a weed-eater and a trombone? Your neighbor will get angry if you don't return the weed-eater. A missionary on a very important trip in the depths of the jungles of the Congo, comes upon a lost civilization which strangely has a deep connection with music. In fact, wherever he went, heard the constant beat of drums. He decides to try and convert these people, but first he has to learn their language. After almost three years, he finally deciphers the language. He then approaches the chief and asks him, "Great Chief, everywhere I go I hear drums beats. Why do you constantly play the drums?" The Great Chief responds, "IF DRUMS STOP, TERRIBLE DISASTER WILL OCCUR." The missionary, somewhat puzzled asks, "What do you think will happen? Will there be a flood, an earthquake, disease, or famine?" The Chief shakes his head sadly and says, "EVEN WORSE. IF DRUMS STOP, BIG TROMBONE SOLO!!!" |
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