FrenchHornJokes

French Horn Jokes

How do you get your viola section to sound like a horn section?
     Have them miss every other note.
How can you make a trombone sound like a French horn?
     Stick your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.
What is the difference between a French horn section and a '57 Chevy?
     You can tune a '57 Chevy.
What do you get when you cross a French horn player and a goalpost?
     A goalpost that can't march.
How many French horn players does it take to change a lightbulb?
     Just one, but he'll spend two hours checking the bulb for alignment and leaks.
Why is the French horn a divine instrument?
     Because a man blows into it, but only God knows what comes out of it.
How do horn players traditionally greet each other?
     1. "Hi. I played that last year."
     2. "Hi. I did that piece in junior high."
A girl went out on a date with a trumpet player, and whe she came back, her roommate asked, "How was it? Did his embouchure make him a great kisser?" "Nah," the first girl replied. "That dry, tight, tiny, little pucker; it was no fun at all." The next night, she went out with a tuba player, and when she came back, her roommate asked, "Well how was his kissing?" "Ugh!" the first girl exclaimed, "Those huge, rubbery, blubbery, slobbering slabs of meat; oh, it was just gross!" The next night, she went out with a French horn player, and when she came back, her roommate asked, "Well, how was his kissing?" "Well," the first girl replied, "his kissing was so-so, but I loved the way he held me!"
What's the difference between a seamstress and a French horn player?
     A seamstress says, "Tuck the frills."
Maestro (to horns): "Give us the F in tune!"
Violist (to maestro): "Please, can we have the F-in' tune, too?"
Conductor: "Back to bar one."
French hornist: "My part doesn't have numbers."
What is the difference between an old car without a muffler and a French horn?
     The car without a muffler is more likely to be in tune.
Two girls go to a school concert. They have just heard an amazing jazz saxophone solo. The announcer is getting on stage when one says to the other, "The next one will be a French horn solo." And sure enough, the announcer confirms her thoughts. "How did you know?" asks the other girl. The first girl replies, "I noticed the dtage crew turning the stand backwards."