| How many trumpet players does it take to change a lightbulb? Five. One to change it, and four to tell him how much better they could have done it. What's the difference between a trumpet player and the rear end of a horse? I don't know either. What's the difference between trumpet players and government bonds? Government bons eventually mature and earn money. Why can't gorillas play the trumpet? Gorillas are too sensitive. The best recording of the Haydn Trumpet Concerto is Music Minus One. In an emergency, a jazz trumpeter was hired to do some solos with a symphony orchestra. Everything went fine through the first movement, when she had some really hair- raising solos, but in the second movement, she started improvising wildly when she wasn't supposed to play at all. After the concert, the conductor came around looking for an explanation. She said, "I looked in the score and it said 'tacit,' so I took it!" How many trumpet players does it take to change a lightbulb? None; the world revolves around them. What's the difference bwtween a trumpet and a chainsaw? Vibrato, although you can minimize this difference by holding the chainsaw veery still. What is a gentleman? Someone who knows how to play the trumpet, but doesn't. How many trumpet players doer it take to change a lightbulb? Just one, but he'll do it too loudly. How do trumpet players traditionally greet each other? "Hi. I'm better than you." How do you know when a trumpet player's at your door? The doorbell shrieks. What do trumpet players use for birth control? Their personalities. Little Johnny told his mother, "I want to be a trumpet player when I grow up." His mother replied, "But honey, you can't do both." What would a trumpet player do with a million dollars? Continue to play gigs until the money ran out. Why did the chicken cross the road? To get away from the trumpet players. How do you improve the aerodynamics of a trumpet player's car? Take the Domino's Pizza sign off the roof. What do you call a lead trumpet player with half a brain? Gifted. What's the first thing a trumpet player says at work? "Would you like fries with that?" How many trumpet players does it take to change a lightbulb? Five- one to change the bulb, and four to contemplate how Louis Armstrong would have done it. How do you get a trumpet player to play fff? Write mp on the part. What's the difference between a free jazz trumpeter and a terrorist? A terrorist has sympathizers. Three famous trumpet players are up in an airplane. One of them says, "I'll throw out a $100 bill and make someone very happy." The one next to him says, "I'll throw out two $50 bills and make two people very happy." The next one says, "I'll throw out five $20 bills and make five people happy." The pilot, who was their conductor, says, "Why don't you all jump and make the whole band very happy?" What is the range of a trumpet player? It depends. How strong are you, and how much are you willing to hurt him? How many jazz trumpeters does it take to change a lightbulb? Nevermind; they can fake the changes. How do you get a trumpet player to play softly? Take away his instrument. So anyway, there's this jazz trumpeter who's never made the money he wanted, but hey- that's jazz. He gets run over by a bus, and due to his unruly life, he goes down to hell. He stood at the rusted iron gates and a bellowing voice calls out, "Jazz musician, are we?....Corridor C, door 14!" So on he treks, trumpet firmly in hand. As he walks down the corridor, he's struck dumb by this absolutely amazing jazz jam going on. He follows the sound and, picking up speed, he finally comes to the source of the "heavenly" sound: door 14. He can't believe his luck when he opens the door - Dizzy Gilespie, Miles Davies, Buddy Rich.....all the greats were there. Dizzy looks over his shoulder at him and says, "Pull up a pew, son and let the jazz free." He starts playing, still dumb- founded with his luck. If this was hell, then he'd be happy spending eternity here. Then the door opens and the devil walks in. "All right boys and girls. Break time's over." "I'll tell you what I want, what I really, really want..." "You tell me what you want, what you really, really want..." and more equally annoying music. How many trumpet players does it take to pave adriveway? Seven, if you lay them out correctly. How many second trumpets does it take to change a lightbulb? None; they can't get up that high. How many trumpet players does it take to screw in a lightbulb? "What's a lightbulb?" A great jazz trumpet player dies and goes to heaven. When he gets there, he finds out that heaven has a jazz band and rehearsal is about to begin. When he arrives at the rehearsal, he finds out that it's the biggest jazz band he has ever seen. There were over 20 trumpet players, including all the greats, like miles Davis, Dizzie Gilespie, Louis Armstrong, and many others. The band sounds incredible, the best he had ever heard, and all the players were great, except for one. The lead player was horrible! The lead player had no high chops, couldn't play a decent swing groove, and could not improvise. Yet this horrible player was on lead, really looked like he was getting into the songs, and looked incredibly smug and pleased with himself after every song. Incredulous, he asked the player next to him, "Who is that guy? He's horrible!" The other player replied, "Oh that's God. He only likes to think he's Wynton Marsalis." What's the difference between a jet airplane and a trumpet player? About three decibles. What's the range of a solo trumpet player? About 40 yards, if it's a "super-light" model What's the difference betweena trumpet player and God? God knows he's not a trumpet player. How do you know if a trumpet player is knocking at your door? The knocking speeds up. How can you tell a trumpet player's kids at the park? They can't swing. Four trumpet players go off a cliff in a minivan. What's the tradegy in this? You can fit 8 trumpet players in a minivan. How many trumpet players does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None. They just complain about the darkness until a trombone player does it for them. |
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