| Oboe Jokes |
| What is the definition of a minor second? Two oboes playing in unison. What is the definition of a half- step? Two oboes playing in unison. What is the definition of a major second? Two baroque oboes playing in unison. How do you get an oboe player to play A flat? Take the batteries out of his electric tuner. What is the difference between a SCUD missile and a bad oboist? A bad oboist can kill you. How many oboe players does it take to change a light-bulb? Only one, but he will go through 30 - 40 bulbs before he finds just the right one. What do you call perfect pitch for an oboe? Into the dumpster without hitting the sides. Define a lady/ gentleman. One who owns an oboe, but refuses to play it. What do a family reunion and an oboe solo have in common? You know they're coming, but there's not a damn thing you can do about it. What's the difference between a high-school oboe section and a 12-cylinder Jaguar engine? With enough work, you can get the Jaguar engine in tune. There's this band director who has a gun with two bullets in it. If he has a choice among a basoonist, an oboist, and a trumpet player, who does he shoot? The oboist, twice - just to make sure. What's the difference between an oboe and an onion? You don't cry when cutting up an oboe. Why do oboe players place their instruments on the dashboards of their cars? So they can park in the handicapped zone. What's the difference between racoon road-kill and oboeist road-kill? The racoon has skid marks in front of it. How do you get an oboe player's eyes to light up? Shine a flashlight in their ears. Why shouldn't oboe players have breaks? It takes too long to retrain them. How can you tell that the first-chair oboe player has been working on a computer? There is white out all over the screen. How can you tell that the second-chair oboe player has been at the computer after the first-chair oboe player? There is writing on top of the white out. Why can't oboists eat bananas? They can't find a zipper or a pull tab. Why do oboists drive BMWs? Because they can spell it. |
| Oboe Hard to pronounce and play, the OBOE- (With cultured folk it rhymes with "doughboy" Though many an intellectual hobo Insists that we should call it oboe) However, be that as it may, Whene'er the oboe sounds its A All of the others start their tuning And there is fiddling and bassooning. Its plaintive note presaging gloom Brings anguish to the concert room Even the player holds his breath And scares the audience to death For fear he may get off the key, Which happens not infrequently. This makes the saying understood: "It's an ill wood wind no one blows good." Laurence McKinney, People of Note |
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