| Tuba Jokes |
| What's the range of a tuba? Twenty yards if you got a good arm. Tuba player: Did you hear my last recital? Friend: I hope so. How many tuba players does it take to change a lightbulb? Five. One to hold the bulb, one to hold the lamp, and three to drink until the room spins. What's a 'tuba for?" A 1 1/2 x 3 1/2, unless you request a full cut. How do you fix a broken tuba? With a "tuba glue." Two tuba players are walking past a bar... (Well, it could happen, right?) Why did the tuba player switch to the drums? Because he couldn't read the music. A tuba player died and went to heaven. There he met St. Peter who gave him the finest selection of tubas ever. After he selected one, St. peter told him that trehearsal for the Angel Band was in five minutes. When he had finished warming up, God stepped on the podium dressed in a late 1800's Marine uniform. Being a Sousa fan,the tuba player was very upset over this. He promptly asked the person next to him, pointing at the podium, "Who does he think he is? John Philip Sousa?" The man next to him, misunderstanding where he was pointing, said, "No, that's Stephen Collins Foster. Sousa's sitting in with the saxophones today." What's the difference between a tuba player and a pile of shit? Nothing! How do you raise the town's I.Q.? Shoot the tuba player. How many tuba players does it take to change a lightbulb? Five. One to change it, and four to complain about how high it is. What did the tuba player get on his test? Drool. How do you tune two tubas? Shoot one. An orchestra is rehearsing a piece in which the tuba has a solo after 84 bars of rest. At the point when the tuba should start the solo, nothing happens. The conductor stops and asks the tuba player why he didn't play. "I have 84 bars of rest," says the tubist. The conductor replies, "But we passed those 84 bars already." The tubist replies, "How should I know that?" "You can count, can't you?" asks the conductor. The tubist replies, "But that's not resting." |
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