"I just wish I had a good fake so I could go out and get SSMMAASSHHED!!!"
-Amy Switzer
"I want to throw up just so I can eat this again." -Geoff Romerman
"Slow down. Oh God! OH MY GOD! Can someone please tell him to SLOW DOWN! I'm terrified back here." -Bob Lipp
Amy- "Eej, what's your status?"
EJ- "I'm on Defcom 4."
"Don't you love coming home smelling like you fucked a burrito?"
-Chris (my manager at Abuelo's)
"If my translation is correct, I think the Mexican guy is singing about killing his wife and stuffing her into coconuts...but it would take a lot of coconuts because she obviously wouldn't fit into just one." -Brian Walker
"I'm like 90% sure I don't know what [drag racing] is, but it dosen't sound good."
-Molly Giles
"I love pain; I'm a fucking dominatrix!" -John Myers
"It turns out my arms are huge and you can't leave." -Molly Giles
"D.J.!! Happy freaking Birthday, bud! I bet that when you get this message that you're getting like 1000 lap dances from only the hella tightest of women around, but at least this will give you something to read while you are being pleased!"
-Phil Schulze (left on my Facebook message board...haha)
"You smell hot." -Elliott Peet
"Sorry, Po Po." -Zach Thorton (Chicago Fire keeper to the Columbus police)
"Let's go, bitches! I'm sorry to all of the ladies; I meant bitches as a term of endearment." -Zach Thorton
"It tastes like Jolly Ranchers, Jolly Ranchers that burn!" -Milky
"I'm glad I know what all of your faces look like when I'm sober, because I can't see them right now." -Shawn Delbo
"Tell them you're a pharmacy major. Say, 'When you suck my dick, money comes out.' " -Ben Bolla
"It's hard to talk shit when you're falling over!" -Milky
"Donatello would be Lecklider's favorite, for sure!" -Ben Bolla
"You know that metal pipe you guys have out in them bushes? Me and Bolla, we filled it up with piss!" -Milky
"If you can pull something off like that, then you deserve the numbers."
-Jason Kelly
"WE ARE THE BEST MOUNTAIN IN THE WORLD!!!!!!" -Jon Rolfe (referring to Alta, Utah)
"I don't care if I have to go out there and serve at a restaurant. Eventually i'll meet someone hot, preferably a girl." -Jon Rolfe
"I learned how to dance black. I have black friends; they taught me!"
-Jenna Crockett
"Oh I know! My parents and I have tea!" -Jen Hrovat
MORE COMING...
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