COPING WITH CONFLICT
An intensive, self-help conflict resolution exercise designed for all types of relationships, guiding you from anger to peace, from despair to action, from outrage to insight.

Relationships

government/citizen relationship The government makes laws and citizens abide by them. It would be unreasonable for government officials to refuse assistance or to overstep their authority -- they are there to serve the people not to humiliate or exploit them; and it would be unreasonable for individual citizens to break the law, expect government favors that are not available to all or to abuse government officials who are doing the best they can. If you're a government employee, are you in the right job? And if you're an aggrieved citizen, you can try emigrating but odds are that you'll fare little better from governments elsewhere.

student/teacher relationship Teachers teach and students make an attempt to learn. It would be unreasonable for teachers to be sloppy teachers or to overstep their authority -- they are there to serve the needs of students not to humiliate or exploit them; and it would be unreasonable for individual students to shirk homework, expect favors that are not available to all or to abuse teachers who are doing the best they can. If you're a teacher, are you in the right job? And if you're a student, are you in the right school?

service or goods providers/customer relationship Service or goods providers provide a service or goods and customers pay for that service or goods. It would be unreasonable for service or goods providers to provide shoddy service or goods or to overstep their authority -- they are there to serve the needs of customers not to humiliate or exploit them; and it would be unreasonable for clients to expect favors that are not available to all, to refuse to pay for service or goods, or to abuse service or goods providers who are doing the best they can. If you're a service or goods provider, are you in the right job? And if you're an aggrieved customer, are there no other service or goods providers to give your custom to?

friendship Depending upon the length or type of friendship, friends enjoy a mutually supportive relationship or just enjoy spending time together. A friend can also be a nurse, a therapist, a bank, a mechanic, a cleaner or whatever -- but only if it works both ways. Friendships are never static -- they change over time -- so don't be hurt if a good friend doesn't have time for you any more. Be thankful for the good times you shared.

parent/child relationship Parents nurture young children to adulthood, adult children nurture elderly parents approaching death. Abrogation of financial, emotional and time-intensive nurturing duties constitutes either child abuse or elderly abuse and is punishable by law. In the years between these reversed roles, parents and adult children can enjoy a mutually supportive relationship, or enjoy spending time together or not see each other at all, and -- with the exception of total incapacitation -- it would be unreasonable for either party to expect the other to provide the type of nurturing duties mentioned above. Parents of adult children have a right to enjoy their mid-lives free of nagging demands from adult children, and adult children have a right to enjoy their youth free of nagging demands from parents.

marital relationship Marital partners are both lovers and friends, often sharing parental nurturing duties over and above those that they already have in their relationship with each other. Under these circumstances, parental nurturing duties must necessarily come first and it would be unreasonable to expect a marital partner to maintain the same sort of attention he or she was once able to give you. Marital abuse is the only valid reason to divorce.

loving relationship Lovers love each other, show each other affection, fulfill each other's sexual needs, enjoy spending time together and assess each other's capacity to be long-term marital partners. A lover can also be a nurse, a therapist, a bank, a mechanic, a cleaner or whatever -- but only if it works both ways. Lousy lovers are so common that you're asking for trouble to waste your precious time with someone who's abusive or takes more than he/she gives, and if a beautiful relationship ends abruptly accept that it was not meant to be long-term. Be thankful for the time you had together.

boss/employee relationship Bosses tell you what to do and employees carry out their instructions in return for remuneration. It would be unreasonable for bosses to overstep their authority -- paid employment does not mean humiliation or exploitation or ownership of your personal life; and it would be unreasonable for employees to expect favors that are not available to all or to shirk their duties. Toxic bosses are so common that it would be easier to find a new job than deal with one.

co-working relationship Reasonable co-workers co-operate to get results beneficial for the company they work for. It would be unreasonable for co-workers to assume a bossy role over others in the same position, to dump their work onto others or to create a hostile environment in which working for the benefit of the company is jeopardized. Toxic co-workers are so common that it would be easier to find a new job than deal with them.

neighbor relationship Neighbors live next door to each other, say hello when their paths meet but otherwise mind their own business and avoid violating each other's personal space. It would be unreasonable to expect a neighbor to be a friend, or to do anything for you other than collect mail while you're away (and don't be hurt if they decline even doing that on the basis of not wanting to be responsible for lost mail). If you have a toxic neighbor, someone who violates your personal space, move!

general human contact Reasonable human beings mind their own business and avoid violating the personal space and human rights of others. It would be unreasonable to expect strangers -- or people with whom you are in no type of relationship -- to acknowledge your existence if they do not wish to do so.