COPING WITH CONFLICT
An intensive, self-help conflict resolution exercise designed for
all types of relationships, guiding you from anger to peace, from despair to action, from outrage to insight.
When people complain about a problem, even a terrible situation, and they are not prepared to communicate their feelings and take the first step towards conflict resolution then despite their fear or terror they are invariably gaining some sort of benefit from the situation and this benefit outweighs the disadvantages of a bad situation.
It could be a financial benefit (such as staying in a terrible job or relationship because it saves you from what you perceive to be a worse fate - trying to find a new job or a new relationship.)
Sometimes, just by being able to complain to others and receive sympathy is the benefit.
It's a very unhealthy situation for you to be in because it's not the other person that has to change -- it's YOU. The other person is treating you exactly as you've taught him or her to treat you, as you want to be treated in order to gain benefit from complaining about it.
You must look within yourself to see why you derive benefit from being mistreated - why you believe this benefit, whatever it is, is worth more than being treated well.
And, if sympathy for needless suffering is more valuable to you than admiration and respect for a life well-lived, then you have a huge problem within you that is beyond the scope of this exercise.
If you are not prepared to take Action to insist that you are treated well, then you have made an active decision to be treated badly for whatever rewards you gain from it. When friends and neighbors and helpers turn away from you -- refusing to give sympathy when you do nothing positive to change the situation -- then you will ultimately be forced into a situation where you will have to take drastic Action and possibly suffer worse consequences than you're suffering now.
If you're comfortable with that decision, then good luck.