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Inaugural ExFL season mercifully ends...
Assault runs away with championship....
McKay and Booth
run away with each other!!!
It has ended at last. Congratulations to America's Team, the Lone Star Assault, and Major Ross A. Brown for capturing the first ever ExFL crown with a win over the surprising Puppy Posse in the championship
game.
With their season series tied at one game apiece, "The Tactician" and the "Statician" squared off again. "It was only right that America's Team came away with the win," said Lt. Colonel Todd L. Hopkins of the U.S. Army from an undisclosed location in Afghanistan. "The Assault charge to victory this season has given us great motivation to destroy the Taliban and the Al-Queda network these past few months. Without the Lone Star Assault, we'd still be living in trenches right now."
Pre-season predictions had the Posse and Assault as two of the top teams to beat, and they weren't wrong. After starting slow, the master mind of C.E. Ricketts kicked into gear and brought the Posse up in the
rankings with a late season surge, finally capturing the one and only wild card spot in the final week of play by beating out Delberts Dogs. The Posse beat regular season champion
Eds White Spray Painted Isuzu Amigos in a stunning upset in the first round. In the words of Posse owner C.E. Ricketts, "That was very Marty Schottenheimer-ish for Ed to lose in the first round of the
playoffs." Needless to say, the Marty Schottenheimer Award will go to the Amigos this season. Ed was shocked and offered no comment. Rumor has it
Daniel Snyder has been ringing his phone off the wall begging for him to come and be a part of the Redskins organization.
No where to be found in the playoffs were Jim McKay and his Hot Air Balloons. Season long investigations into the decrepit underhanded dealings of McKay and his fantasy football corruption network
prevented him from taking control of the ExFL and ended with him finishing in the middle of the ExFL pack. "Other than the fact that we
think he is gay, we never really did find any wrong doings on his part," said one league official. "But if he shows his face in the league again
next year, you can guarantee we'll be all over him like maggots on a carcass."
McKay could not be reached for comment. Unconfirmed media tabloid photos show him enjoying a warm vacation at a mountainous cabin retreat with Delberts Dogs owner, Bryan Booth. "I always knew
those two were in the sack together," said President George W. Bush at his last briefing.
Congratulations to Inbreds owner, Jay Zurfluh, for winning the first annual Jerry Jones "Let me control the draft" Award for coming in last
place. "It was a toss up between the Klowns and Inbreds, but we gave it to the Inbreds simply because a true loser, errr... Cowboys fan…. should be the one to receive this distinguished award each
season," says an ExFL official. Keep up the great work Jay!
The Heimliech Maneuver Award goes to Steve O'Neil and his Sin City Demons for starting the season 8-0 and finishing 10-5-1 including an early exit in the first round of the playoffs at the hands of the Assault.
In a merciful tie, KC Eagles owner Keveagle and the greatest quarterback to ever live Donovan McNabb put a smacking on Steve in Week 9, and it was all downhill from there for the Demons. Steve has
been unavailable for comment for weeks. Sources say he is still in shock over that pass Dallas Cowboys quarterback Ryan Leaf threw with no time on the clock before halftime several weeks ago that
Philadelphia Eagles linebacker Jeremiah Trotter ran back for a touchdown.
The Greatest Commissioner in the World Award goes to Rich Samuels for his genius in starting the ExFL to begin with. The entire league and its fans will forever be indebted to him and should bow at
his feet at every opportunity.
Thanks to everyone who participated in the league this year. Hope you had a great time and we'll see you next year!
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