2001

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Balloons & Demons conspire against ExFL!

ASSOCIATED PRESS - In a move that shook the foundations of the entire league this weekend, the Hot Air Balloons of the ExFL traded starting quarterback Trent Green to the Sin City Demons for running back Ricky Williams. While most owners in the ExFL were taking the weekend off with a little rest and relaxation, Balloons director of personnel Jim McKay and Demons owner Steve O’Neil conspired secretly in an unnamed location to pull off the blockbuster trade behind their cohorts backs. Other owners were shocked and appalled at the objectionable trade.

Speaking on condition of anonymity, one owner described the trade as “despicable” and “bordering on the edge of collusion”.  Most other owners issued a “no comment” on the issue, while others muttered unprintable dialogue under their breath.  

Close sources say Ricky Williams feels horribly betrayed by owner Steve O’Neil.  “I thought we had had a bond with each other that could not be broken,” a dejected Williams was reported to have said.  Williams could not be reached for further comment, but sources say that he will be taking a week off from camp to spend some more time in counseling to try and recover from this latest unfortunate turn of events. “Ricky is very sensitive,” said a close friend of Williams. “This trade could be very devastating to his career. I hope O’Neil drops dead, that heartless piece of @#&%.” Unconfirmed reports say Williams was found curled in the fetal position inside his clubhouse locker sobbing uncontrollably Sunday morning. 

Friends of Trent Green have stated that Green couldn’t care less about leaving the Balloons. Some say he is even overjoyed at the prospect of leaving the organization.  “Trent never did like the non-caring attitude of that Nyman guy (referring to Jeff Nyman, owner of the Balloons) and definitely did not like the way this McKay dude has been going around camp dropping players off the team left and right like flies,” said a close friend of Green, also speaking on condition of anonymity. “(McKay)’s like a red headed Irish Napoleon out there. He doesn’t have a shred of loyalty or decency in his body. Maybe Trent will find a little more job security and loyalty with the Demons.  He’s glad to get away from that turnstile of an organization.”

McKay and O’Neil could not be reached for comment.

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