Introduction:
At one point in your life you've watched a movie. Some movies have simply been so memorable that they've been seared into your memory. Unfortunately, a terrible movie can scar your mind permanently. Think of the children, won't you? Hollywood doesn't mind if you've went to the theater, paid $20, and suffered through a disgusting remake of a classic film. Don't let Hollwood screw you like a 14-year-old schoolgirl. Fight back with these movie reviews! The rating system goes from a "1/2" star to four "****", with the 1/2 being total shit while a **** is a must-see film. Or just look at this explaination.
****: I'll be quoting this movie for years to come. Simply one of my all time favorites, I'll never get tired of watching this.
***1/2: All things considered, it was a pretty kick ass movie. Granted it could've been tighter and doesn't rank as a classic, but it doesn't fall short. See this as soon as you can.
***: I thought it was a pretty cool movie, though some will disagree. Worth a couple of viewings.
**1/2: Slightly better than average, but not a bad viewing. It has enough charm to make itself worth at least a rental.
**: Decent enough, but it really suffers from that run-of-the-mil, blando feel of it. It's not worth anything more than a TV viewing (and this is assuming you're bored) or a rental on someone else's tab.
*1/2: I didn't like this movie and you probably won't either, but it does have one or two tricks up its sleeve. You could do worse, I say you're better off taking a walk or something else for 90 minutes.
*: All things considered, it was pretty goddamn shitty, but it's not a complete abortion. It does have a few good things going for it, but not enough to save it. You'll be better off if you steer clear of this one.
1/2 (half a star): There is no God, and if there is one, then he's laughing his ass off at you suffering through this "film." It's a shitfest of epic proportions, don't even bother to look in its general direction, just flush this turd as soon as possible. |
