| Plot: Nami creates backgrounds for a game developer and is recently working on the art for a new horror game called St. John's Wort...the same thing her mother told her before she died and inherited a creepy mansion belonging to her father (a famous painter). So Nami and her boyfriend Kohei stay the night in the mansion to get some good backgrounds and weird stuff starts happening that starts to reveal Nami's troubled past. Oh, and it's based off a video game. Joy. Review: It's been a long time since I reviewed a film as stinky as this one, but I suppose that just comes with the territory. You see, this is based on a video game...a video game that will in all likelihood never see the light of day in the U.S., so I can't rightly compare it to the game (hell, I can't even find any screenshots of it). However, I can compare it to other horror movies I've seen, and in that regard St. John's Wort fails miserably. It tries to capture the essence of a horror video game and be clever about it, which doesn't work at all. It results in everything looking completely fake and prerendered thanks to the irritating digital effects. And lest we forget the irritating "speed up" effect that was completely over-used in the movie. In the end all the CGI effects and unique camera shots made the movie just look very cheap, like it came out direct-to-video. It also doesn't help that there's so much B-movie acting in here as well. The dubbing is obviously for crap, listening to somebody read a phone book would be more entertaining, but there's honestly no sort of actual acting here for the blando characters. Christ, Nami has more gasps than actual lines. And Kohei, well, he has a camera and that's pretty much it. Wait, weren't they supposed to be boyfriend and girlfriend? Where the hell's the interaction? And the both of them have a nasty habit of narrating what they're doing. "A pair of keys," thanks for the info. Let me just say that this was probably the longest 90 minutes of my life, the movie is so agonizingly slow that it feels that all the revelations and resolution come out of nowhere. The rest of the film consists of ridiculously long sequences that end up leading nowhere with Nami and Kohei slowly walking around the mansion, finding keys, and pointing out obvious plot points. Pacing is fine, but when Nami and Kohei are walking around aimlessly for over a half hour, it's snoozing time. Then there's the abundant cliches in the movie. We have a dead phone, only mode of transportation destroyed, a storm (which, surprise, shuts down all the exits so they have to stay the night), evil twin out for revenge, creepy and mysterious caretaker, and Kohei even says "let's split up." St. John's Wort goes out of its way to throw in just about cliche ever put in a horror movie. Finally there's the weak link between the title of the movie and the St. John's Wort plants in the paintings. Okay, it means revenge, it's not that clever of a gimmick. The twists in the flick are so predictable that we're already many steps ahead of the movie. It won't take anybody that long to figure out that it's an evil twin out to get Nami. The reasoning behind the horrific events is particularly weak (horrific meaning we get to see a few dead bodies that just aren't scary). Okay, Nami's evil twin had a shitty childhood with her sick-o dad. Boo-hoo, cry me a river. And since Nami has had a decent life she's pissed and starts doing exactly what her dad did. That's a pretty weak M.O. to say the least, To top it all off we get a god-awful ending that leaves so much to be desired complete with a scene that leaves room for a sequel. And where were the scares? A few mummified bodies after a half hour of mind-numbing waiting is the best they could do? They could've made the bodies pop up at me to at least give me a surprise scare, but no. So is there anything I can say in St. John's Wort's defense? Well, it's directed decently enough to where it just barely avoids the dreaded half-star rating. St. John's Wort isn't a horror movie, it's an excrutiating exercise in tedium and riddled with cliches and bad acting. There's also zero horror. It's unique camera style, which could've been interesting, turned out to just be one big and stupid eyesore. Okay, St. John's Wort isn't the worst horror film I've ever seen, but it's dangerously close. You're all the better for avoiding this movie if you ask me. |
| Rating: * |
| Review by Jim |
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