| Plot: Ryuichi and his gang are a group of Chinese-Japanese thugs that feel like outcasts and decide to take over the violent underworld of Shinjuku. As Ryu marches forward to his goal, grizzled detective Jojima is on his trail and sets out to stop him...one way or the other. Will Ryu become a mafia kingpin or will Jojima bring him in? Do I give a shit? The answer to both those questions is no. Review: When I first saw Dead or Alive nestled in an inconspicuous little corner at my local Hollywood Video, I was ecstatic. To think that this little Japanese ultra-violent flick would come around my way. I had heard Takashi Miike was a great director that enjoyed showing everything like one of Paul Verhoven's movies. I also heard that Dead or Alive was a unique piece of film that shouldn't be missed. I heard wrong. This is what happens when you get sucked into the hype. Dead or Alive gives up its cards faster than any movie I've ever seen. Its gimmick was over and done with in the first ten minutes, probably even less then that. Maybe I missed a few ultra-violent parts because I got an edited DVD or maybe I just wasn't paying attention. In any case, it doesn't make the slightest difference. Firstly, let's get this out of the way: the first ten minutes is a blast. A stripper dancing, a guy snorting a mile's worth of coke, and a guy's dinner coming out of his stomach. Fun times for sure. Needless to say this pumped me up for the rest of the movie. I mean, if they can cram that in a couple minutes, who knows what else they could do. Right, RIGHT?! Wrong. It feels like Miike made a short movie with a bunch of incoherent, ultra-violent scenes and then some exec told him to make it into a full-length movie. By the way, once that ten minutes is over, that's it, no more ultra-violent scenes. It then turns into a completely different movie, and that movie just so happens to be boring with a capital 'B'. All the kinetic scenes come to a screeching halt as we witness a very incoherent, boring, predictable, and forgettable gangster story. Ryu (Riki Takeuchi) is a gangster that wants to take over the Shinjuku underworld just for power, no real reason to root for him. Jojima (Sho Aikawa) is a detective bent on taking Ryu in. Both of them are a nemesis for one another, of sorts, and each one has their own personal problems. Ryu is the older brother to a whiny little shit that's constantly moping about his dead parents, the fact Ryu is a gangster, and the fact that they're Chinese-Japanese. Every moment I wanted Ryu to grab him by the collar, slap him across the face and yell "Stop whining!", it's a shame that didn't happen. Jojima is the veteran cop that wishes he'd spent more time with his family, especially his ailing (and cute looking) teenage daughter. Ryu does nothing in this movie except give us moody "I'm a tough guy, yet I'm so philosophical" looks that I can't help but loath, partaking in the occasional (I stress occasional) shootout, and yak about a bunch of philosophical BS that I couldn't care less about. Jojima just runs around trying to find Ryu. All this wouldn't be a problem except this is the bulk of the film and nothing interesting happens. The problem here isn't that Takeuchi and Aikawa are bad actors, it's just there's nothing for them to do with the parts. Takeuchi is a complete badass even if he's just standing there sucking on a lollypop, he's still a badass. I just can't get enough of the guy's rockin' haircut. But Takeuchi falls to pieces when he has to talk a lot of nonsense for a long time, and that's exactly what Ryu likes to do. Still, even though he didn't know what he was talking about or why, he was still a badass. Aikawa tries to look cool too, but all he manages to do is look like a middle-aged guy with sunglasses and a smoking problem. He's hip, he's cool, he's 45. Aikawa just didn't have much of a character to work with and that showed. Both characters are cliches so both actors play them pretty simplistically. But the biggest crime in this entire movie has to be the ending. After Jojima pulls out a bazooka from his coat (so much for weapons safety laws) and blows Ryu's car and gang into the air, they have a climactic stand-off. If they had just given me a regular stand-off, I would've been happy, but Takashi once again had to throw a wrench into the movie. Get this, Ryu pulls out of his stomach a red glowing ball and throws it at Jojima, effectively destroying the entire world. I expected someone to yell "Mortal Kombat!" by this time. So let's run through the checklist: boring parts make up more than 75% of the movie, boring (and cliched) characters, incoherent story, and dumbest ending ever seen. Does this sound like a tour de force to you? No, it sure as hell doesn't. Some people are going to love this movie and some are going to hate it. I hated it. My final thoughts? It's best just to watch the first ten minutes and the occasional shoot-out, but that's it. Oh, and don't even bother sitting through the ending. Takashi Miike looks like he'd be more comfortable directing short movies than a feature-length one. The problem with him is that while he does have a talent for making great shots, he just doesn't know how to bring a story to life. Is this movie worth a rental? I say just skip it and forget about it. |
| Review by Jim |
| Rating: * |
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