Dawn

Review by Jim

Plot: Out of nowhere, the entire earth is getting torn apart by Jessie Owens-esque zombies. A small group of survivors barricade themselves inside a mall to survive the flesh-hungry hordes of the undead. Will their plan to flee to an isolated island work or are they all meat?

Review: Like it or hate it, the remake of Dawn of the Dead had to be made sometime. A remake of Night of the Living Dead was made in 1990, so remaking Dawn was just a matter of time. I wasn't particularly fond of the idea from the start, but what are you gonna do? Not see the only zombie movie out in theaters right now? I don't think so.

The original Dawn of the Dead had a very weighty message about materialism and human nature in general (if the 70's materialism got on Romero's nerves, then the 80's must've REALLY pissed him off), plus it was one helluva of a zombie movie without all that.

So the remake can't possibly touch the original in my opinion. Sure this remake will no doubt be loved by people who don't know shit about the original Dead movies and is really the only zombie movie in town, but honestly, just because a movie's old enough to graduate from college and get a job doesn't mean it has to automatically be updated.

Okay, enough ranting about the evils of remakes, because there are a few positives to this remake. Firstly, the opening sequence kicks ass, pure and simple. It starts off with just your average (aka boring, I know cause I live in one) suburban neighborhood settling for a quiet night with Ana, our leading heroine, sleeping with her husband.

And what about the very next day? Well, everything's gone to total shit with explosions, people getting run over, and mass hysteria every damn where you look. Somone should've looked at their "what to do in case of a zombie oubreak" emergency plan in the city charter.

Which makes me wonder why there weren't more moments like that in the movie. This remake was made somewhere in the millions area, so why not be a little bit more ambitious? Sure there's lots of zombies and ravaged settings, but nothing can rival that opening in terms of sheer shock.

I'm glad to say that while the gore wasn't as plentiful as it was in the original, it was applied enough to satisfy me. The famous "chunky gunshots to the head" are still here and a few other neat tricks (zombies getting run over by a truck, stick through the head, and a chainsaw cutting up some limbs).

But there's a flaw with the gore (yes, it's a nitpick, but this is a zombie movie after all) and where was the gut-munching? There was maybe a few seconds worth of one guy getting his guts chewed and that was it. The gorey effects were great and if there was any CGI, I didn't notice it. Huzzah for gratuitous violence.

Aside from the mall and zombies, the remake doesn't have much in common with the original, though the basic Romero rules of combat still apply.

The undead work in packs and like to munch on the living (except for animals, for some lame reason), and it goes without saying that if you're bitten expect to turn into a zombie soon. And lest we forget that to kill them you have to damage their brains--either by sticking something through it or just shooting their heads.

However, the zombies have a very noticeable difference. It seems that wherever you go when you die, you get one helluva work-out plan and return as a zombie track star.

The fresh zombies aren't beyond the realm of possibility, but the long dead ones that are rotting? I don't buy that for a goddamn second. See, there's this little thing called rigormortis, which is why zombies have a difficult time walking, let alone running and jumping on people.

Running zombies were only in 28 Days Later because they weren't actually zombies. Speaking of which, Dawn of the Dead likes 28 Days Later a bit too much. Hell, even the camera has the same colors as 28 Days Later. But don't think that the Dawn remake is nothing but a rip-off, it does have some style of its own.

There's some more humor in this version as opposed to the original. Case in point, one of the survivors has a game where he shoots zombies that look like celebrities. Not too shabby, but some of the jokes dragged on for too long and I was ready for some horror to come my way (there's only so many sarcastic lines I can listen to).

You wouldn't think it, but there's really not enough zombies. Sure there's hordes outside, but hardly any of them enter the mall. The mall has shatter-proof glass...joy. This removes a lot of suspense since safety isn't much of a concern. Another tacky little aspect that got on my nerves was the whole "baby zombie" scenario which ended up having little impact and was kinda funny to me (watch DeadAlive and you'll get it).

Outside of Ving Rhames, Sarah Polley, and Jake Weber's characters, I could care less who was meat for the zombie grinder. There was some blonde slut, a sarcastic asshole, a bimbo who was more concerned with the safety of her dog than the other survivors, and an old guy that was very inept with a chainsaw, but beyond that I honestly can't remember them. Ving Rhames IS Ving Rhames, and that alone should have your eyeballs focused on him throughout this movie. It's essentially Marcellus Wallace versus zombies, what's not to like?

The final nail in the coffin is the fact that almost none of the themes of materialism and human nature are present here, which is like taking out one of the most important ingredients out of a recipe. Say what you will, but it just isn't the same without it. Eh, at least an under-used Tom Savini is in the movie. And if you didn't catch his cameo, shame on you.

Taken on its own, Dawn of the Dead is a decent zombie movie, but doesn't really shake the genre up. As a remake, it falls very short. This is the condensed, instant noodles version of Dawn of the Dead. The remake has enough good things going for it to stay off my shitlist, but just barely.

Dawn 2004 didn't add anything to the series that you hadn't already seen before, but if you're hard-up for a zombie movie you might on a whim want to check this out. Maybe they'll remake Day of the Dead someday and get that right, ya never know.

Rating: **