| Plot: John Matrix is an ex-special forces member trying to live a peaceful life with his daughter until his old army buddies are mysteriously getting bumped off. It's then revealed that one of the members of his old unit is behind the killings and kidnaps John's daughter, forcing him into doing a mission for an ex-dictator. Naturally, John prefers to get his daughter back the old-fashioned way--by blowing the shit out of everyone in his way! Review: I don't know about you, but in my opinion the state of American action films has dwindled considerably over the last decade. Think about it, what was the last good action movie to recently come out? XXX with Vin Diesel? I don't think so. Any action movie that comes out nowadays has to be "hip, kool, and EXTREME TO THE MAXX!" with some meathead snowboarding with an uzi (remember Extreme Ops?). That shit doesn't fly with me. I remember when action flicks kicked ass and took names, when gore was readily available, when justice was dispensed with a well-placed kick to the face, and one guy could take on the entire army of China with a gun and a knife. Sigh, how times have changed. Back in the '80s excessive action flicks like those were a dime a dozen and Commando was at the top of the pile in 1985. Yep, this is an Arnold "governor of California" Schwarzenegger bloody action-o-rama through and through. There's tons of dead bodies, one-liners, and people getting punched in the face throughout this movie. So since Commando is the epitome of the brainless action movie, it got a pretty bad rap with reviewers (What the fuck do they expect from an action movie? Gone With the Wind?). This ain't Shakespeare, Mr. Professional Critic. Now you can go two ways with Commando: you can either have a stick up your ass and whine about how there's no character or plot, or you can kick back and have a good time watching Arnie beat the living hell out of everyone in usual Arnie fashion. I chose the latter. Okay, the story is paper thin--Arnie is a one-man killing machine for the army, guy from his old unit kidnap his daughter, and Arnie goes out for revenge. Yeah, we've been down that road before many a time, but why change a winning formula? The characters are also pretty weak too. John Matrix is the muscle-bound, one-liner spewing tough guy Arnie we all know and love, nothing more and nothing less. Rae Dawn Chong is Arnie's sidekick and is a complete ditz. It's always bitch, bitch, bitch with her. Thankfully they didn't give her too much dialogue or else I would've had to lodge the channel changer in my head. Hell, there's even a young Alyssa Milano here playing Matrix's daughter. Lastly there's our mandatory nemesis in the form of Bennet, who makes a piss-poor villain. C'mon, Arnie is RIPPED in this movie and some overweight Australian guy in chainmail is gonna take him on? If you ask me, that steam pipe didn't go through Bennet's chest fast enough. My other complaint is that the first half of the movie could've used some more action. Sure Arnie does beat up some rent-a-cops at a mall and yanks out a carseat along with a phonebooth, but the second half is when things really pick up. We get a fight with Mac from Predator that ends with him getting impaled, a Bill Paxton cameo, more one-liners, and Arnie taking out an entire army. The climax has Arnie blasting away everyone in sight with his armory's worth of guns and when it looks like it can't get any better, he resorts to using toolshed weapons. The machete and buzzsaw bits had me in stitches. I counted at least 73 guys getting killed, and that was a very rough estimate. And I dare anyone to watch this movie and tell me they didn't like the one-liners. They were all classic! "You're a funny guy, Sully. That's why I'm going to kill you last." "Remember when I said I'd kill you last? I lied." "I eat green berrets for breakfast...and right now I'm very hungry!" "Please don't disturb my friend, he's dead tired. "Let off some steam, Bennet." Commando doesn't pull any bullshit, it is what it is: an over-the-top action romp with lots of cheese to boot. It did lag once in a while, but the action sequences generously made up for the waiting I had to endure. The final verdict? Commando is a must for Arnie fans and action buffs in general. It's brainless fun, what more can you ask for? |
| Review by Jim |
| Rating: *** |
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