THE END TIMES

VOLUME III || ISSUE 3 || FEBRUARY 8, 2006

Masonic Lodge Controls Tunnels Under School!

Steroid Scandal Rocks JBU!

New Major to Be Offered

Talent Show Set to Amaze

Folf Named Official Sport

JBU to Host Reality Show

Board Approves New Mascot!

SOAPBOX:
JBU Outsourcing

Dear Phrank

Graduation Cancelled

To The Little Man

Other Little Things...

END TIMES HOME

SOAPBOX:
JBU Outsourcing

Unemployment is once again on the rise. By now, most people say that it's no big deal. It's not a big deal that Taiwan and Japan and other Asian-ese countries are making our electronics and computers. And it's certainly not a big deal that our unemployment rate is on the rise thanks to the outsourcing of thousands of jobs to people in other countries who are paid about a dollar a day for their work.

At least every cent of that is accounted for and continuously visible.

Except here at JBU.

I'm a working individual. Every little cent of my hard-earned cash flows straight back into the University for my education. Like many of you, this reporter has always wondered where it goes. Well, it certainly doesn't go into our 1-ply toilet paper or the random trees that are always sprouting all over the campus. So, where does it go?

The truth is, JBU has also fallen into the outsourcing trap. This ET reporter discovered evidence indicating that half of the JBU faculty has been outsourced from Omaha, Nebraska! Strangely, the outsourcing only effects the faculty operating in the Cathedral Trio, including History, Engineering, Art, and even a few Business professors.

These teachers are flown in and out of XNA every business day, with all costs absorbed by the University! Airfare, new BMWs in their Omaha driveways, and even extravagant lunches catered by the top restaurants in the Springfield area are just a few examples of this cost! While these teachers are living 'la vida loca,' we students are forced to suffer with poor quality toilet paper, a computer network that always requires maintenance, and getting lost in rows of new trees while trying to find our way to class!

JBU, quit outsourcing our faculty, and direct our payments to something more necessary: A scrolling marquee sign outside of the Cathedral to let us know who's playing worship!

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