THE END TIMES

VOLUME III || ISSUE 3 || FEBRUARY 8, 2006

Masonic Lodge Controls Tunnels Under School!

Steroid Scandal Rocks JBU!

New Major to Be Offered

Talent Show Set to Amaze

Folf Named Official Sport

JBU to Host Reality Show

Board Approves New Mascot!

SOAPBOX:
JBU Outsourcing

Dear Phrank

Graduation Cancelled

To The Little Man

Other Little Things...

END TIMES HOME

New Major to Be Offered

Beginning in Fall 2006, JBU students will have a new choice when selecting a major. Deconstruction Management has been developed to meet the growing demands for a major that does not require talent, skill or ability. "We decided to accommodate students who have a lot of heart and hand but just aren't able to use their head." Deconstruction Management department head Tanner Hamfist went on to describe some of the planned course activities. "We will offer a wide variety of projects ranging from instruction on 'How to Ram a Large Building with Your Car' to 'Aluminum Foil and Ink Cartridges Belong in the Microwave'. The goal is to start off small, but by 2008 we aim to have a fire alarm at least once a week." North Hall residents are expected to make the new major a 'smashing' success.

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