THE END TIMES
VOLUME III || ISSUE 3 || FEBRUARY 8, 2006
Masonic Lodge Controls Tunnels Under School!
Secret Society Plots Global Takeover!
The Masonic Lodge: a highly secretive brotherhood that has allegedly included everyone from kings, knights, and CEOs, to murderers, thieves, and politicians. For centuries the Masons have cast a shadow of mystery across the face of society. Are they simply an organization of people bound by a code to do good to others, or are they a secret society bent on global domination? For the last few decades, the latter theory has prevailed among many.
Conspiracy theorists have acquired evidence indicating that the Masons are stockpiling gold bullion and weapons in underground caverns around the world. Among these hordes are the maintenance tunnels that run underneath the JBU Campus.
"It's common knowledge that there are caves underneath Siloam Springs," said one campus administrator, "but only slightly less well known is that those caves feed directly into the steam tunnels and maintenance passages under the Quad; we use them to cut heating and cooling costs." As a result of the Masonic takeover, JBU's beloved tunnels have been lost. "Campus Safety fought valiantly, but in the end, the Masonic warriors were just too strong. We lost all communication with the tunnels sometime last week." A counter-assault is still in the works.
In the meantime, students are advised to be watchful when crossing the Quad; stay clear of steam leaks emanating from the sidewalks; notify Campus Safety of any fissures or mounds occurring in the grass (note: these mounds are often mistakenly attributed to moles and groundhogs, but are in fact the work of Masons); and above all, wear telepathy-repelling cranial-aluminum-foil when walking outside. It just might save your life.
All material presented within this site Copyright 2004-2006 of the Staff of the END TIMES. All rights reserved.
All offense is intended and unintentional. No matter where you go, there you are. Listen to your mother and eat
your vegetables. Do not smoke if you are pregnant.
Direct all questions and concerns to Mr. End Times Editor.