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| "The longer I live the more beautiful life becomes." - Frank Lloyd Wright |
| This is a website that I am creating mainly for women. Though anyone is welcome to read my poetry, I believe that women, ecpecially teenagers, will relate easily to my poetry. I started writing down my thoughts in 1995. Since then I have collected over 10 journals. What I find when reading back over them is a young girl who despretly needed to find her place in this world, but didn't know how. I see my feelings become deeper and my writing mature, and intensify to the max as time goes by. One can see the gradual decendence into the depression that took away 3 years of my life. My reasoning for this site is to try and reach out to young depressed girls, to gradually give hope that one of the next tomorrows is going to turn out right. I am currently a student enrolled at the University of Wisconsin Stevens Point and am having the time of my life. My intended major is interior architecture and I have yet to feel home sick! Throughout my days in Stillwater Minnesota,(where I attended high school) many events occured to make me the person that I am today; hardships, laughter, tears, school, deaths, jobs, have all made this unique combination of me. I am going to put my poems on in order by date. The next little clip of writing is more recent and shows where I am at in this point of my life: completely and utterly happy... finally. |
| 12-16-01 I have this strange feeling. And when it's inside of me I don't quite know what to do with myself. This life of mine has taken such a beautiful shape and it just keeps moving forward to new levels. I look at myself and stirve on the woman i've become and wonder where she came from. It seems so funny to me that I have held such anguish and pain in my life that I swore to never trust or love anyone ever again. I spent so much of my life pushing, tearing, and looking only for the negative in others and I awkwardly found a secure sensation, or rationality, in locking the world out. How did the woman in me ever derive from the girl that I was? How did I ever dig myself out of the tunnel of darkness to find the light that allowed my heart to open itself up to the world and all it has to offer? It is all so unclear to me but I am so thankful for the force that made me trust, smile, and love again. Although I cannot say that I was rebellious to every person in my life then, for I have |
| always loved my family,but I love the new profound feeling of happiness that I let take control of my life and the ventures it takes. I love my family, friends....I love my life. For the first time I am learning to accept myself for who I am. I can look in the mirror and not turn my head in disgust. I am learning to understand that I do not have to be anorexic to be beautiful and the more I realize this, the more beautiful I feel. This love that I have for myself is growing like a brand new trust yet it is not as solid as I wish it to become someday. The mirror image can smile, a self-respecting smile because I know who I am, finally. I do not take disrespect from anyone anymore. From the past I know how hard it is, and all the energy it takes out of me, to be sad and hurt. I never want to find myself back in the space when all I wanted was to be with one person, a person that only brought me down...I never want to end up with just me. It is so dangerous to have time on my hands with a head full of thoughts. All that is gained from one lonely person is a crying heart. I have so much in this crisp life of mine; but all i've ever needed is that one special person to fall in love with. Out of all my lessons of work, friendship, and family...my heart longs for that image of love. To be held and touched with a passion so true. I have envisioned this love and (12-17-01) have thought it to come true any day now. Any moment now i'll feel those hands upon my face and arms embracing me tightly; with eyes shining down on me as I gaze back into them and become lighter because the burden of emptiness is being lifted off my heart, giving me room to breath. Inhaling this so needed love while exhaling the tears of loneliness. But as I open my eyes I find myself still alone and the heaviness takes control over my soul once again. I am always balancing right on the edge. I have such a perfect life yet this one mishap controls all parts of me. I am strong but I cannot always pretend because I am dying inside, crying for affection and for someone to hear me. I run to no one but myself, but I cannot fix everything and at most times all I need to fix the unstableness in my life is to be held close. I am haunted with the thought that I may never chance upon finding my soul mate, my one and only. I would like to think that there is another heart as fearful as mine out there and we just haven't met. Or maybe we have, but our paths haven't crossed at the right time. I'm just waiting for the right time, it's all I can do. -I hope you enjoy and gain from my writing. The world is wonderful, sometimes it's just hard to see. Thank You ~Kellie Erickson |