1995

Trapped.
No on to talk to
No one to care
Lonely.
No where to go
Nothing to do
Trapped.
No feeling is left
Inside of me.
4/21/95

Sometimes

Sometimes you have to learn to let go
sometimes you have to say goodbye
and whether you want to or not
sometimes you just have to cry
and sometimes you have to feel the pain
that's hurting deep inside
and when things don't go just right
sometimes you have to walk away with a sigh
and then you'll have to wait for tomorrow to come
and just keep on praying that it's
a better day.

I feel like I'm in a maze
and there's no way out
but I keep trying and
searching for a way to
get out of this life I
live every single day.
But the maze is neverending...
but deep inside my heart,
I see my own light.
My own way out.

No one will know how I feel
until they feel it.
No one will know my emotions
until they understand.
No one will know my family
until they know my home.
No one will know my heart
until they know my pain.
No one will know my body
until they walk my footsteps.
And no one will know my life
until they know the real me.

I thought I would have learned by now
but I still let it happen.
I guess I don't get it,
so I let it happen over and over.
It happened even as a little girl,
I would come home bawling....
and I still do.
I guess i'll never understand my family
when they say "Don't be friends with those
that hurt you."

The tears just keep rolling down over the bags under my eyes.
Everything Just keeps coming out from inside
My eyes are aching with so much pain
I feel a relief when i'm emptied out,
but it will start again.
The tears won't ever stop rolling over the bags
under my crying eyes.

I moved to a new place
I thought it would be full of grace.
I thought everything was going to go well,
but everything is a living hell.
I thought this was a place of peace;
but I guess it was only
in my dreams.

I wish I could
fly
Fly far away with the wind
and birds.
Sore through
the sky.
No one to
bug me,
No one to
care.
I could be
myself.
If I could fly
If I could fly.

If I lost you,
I don't know what i'd do
I'd cry forever.
I'd drag around listening to
music that depressed me
If I were to lose you,
I don't know what i'd do.
But I have one thought,
If you leave,
take me with you.

Sometimes friends have fights
but one has to say sorry first
sometimes friends have life long memories of fun,
but you each need your space.
and what was once just your friend, is now your
Best Friend.
And now you have memories
of everyday and you don't
need space, fights that
mean nothing and you know the other is sorry.
So now all I have to say, if you havent' gotten the clue-
that is the kind of friendship we have,
so lets keep it that way forever.

Sometimes I sit on my feathered bed
and think about the things i've written, and I think,
is this really how I feel?
and some of it is true, but sometimes
I don't want to face reality.
so as I read the things i've written the word depressed comes to mind.
and I think that if my life were really that bad, why am I still here?
My life really isn't that bad,
I just left out the good parts.