I feel happy now, but am still very down on myself. A low self esteem and a long 17 years of never being held, my thoughts are concentrated on the fact that I do not want to be alone anymore. I want to learn to love myself, but don't know how... and am longing for a father that holds me.
I so much want to be
the image I have in my head
I want to be loved by someone
who knows what needs to be said
I want to be the little girl
who achieves all of daddy's dreams
I want to be the daughter
who, for her mother brightly gleams
I want to be the sister
who you can always trust
I want to be the friend
you need so much
I want to be your heaven
if only god would let me in
I want to be the image
that's fastened in my head
I need love
God, give me the will I need to help me change
God, give me the love I need to prove the achievements ahead
Mom, give me all the courage that's hiding somewhere inside
Mom, give me your advice, even the truths you'll want to hide
Daddy, let me know you'll be there, as a steady platform if I fall
Daddy let me know you love me that alone will lesson my calls
Sister, tell me it's okay someday i'll be there
Sister, tell me you'll stay by my side you'll always care
Kellie, trust in yourself you've always done the right thing
Kellie, go for that goal, in yourself you must be trusting
I cry to myself because I don't want you to hear, the overflowing of my nonsense tears. The tears that feel sorry, the tears that feel concealed, the tears that only want love, the tears that are unreal. I am crying for your love, begging for the attention of your gentle arms.
Don't let the words hurt you
and you won't feel the pain
Don't show them your tears
or you'll lose their selfish game.
Don't lose your faith
keep a smile throughout the day
Wait 'til you go home tonight
to break down and cry out all the hurt inside
Don't tell your family
they show no mercy
don't tell your friends
they show false sympathy
Don't confide in anyone
there's no one you can trust
don't think so selfishly
go on with your life, you must
Don't expect tomorrow
will always be the same
don't let the words hurt you
and you won't feel the pain.
Look at those tears
Rolling down her face
I wonder what kind of pain
Put her at such a disgrace
Look at her make-up
So overly done
Smearing around her eyes
She has no where to run
They're going to see the
Face she hides so well
They're going to see
Her corpulent body
Begging for forgiveness
Embrace in her eyes
All she wanted was a love
Connecting with her cries
Here I am crying
my weaknesses overpowering me
trusting that tomorrow
will bring a better day
I only need one person
to hold me when I cry
with no need of an explanation
of my sadness caged inside
My god, where have you been?
my faith is running high on low
the everlasting trust you promised
is about to be let go
I want to run away from my troubles
if only I could concure my fears
anything would be better
than my uncontrolled tears
In a world full of pain
There is no one you can blame
In a world full of disguise
It's still so hard to hide
In a world full of fears
You can't enclose all the tears
In a world full of nonsense
Who will pay the consequence
In a world full of lies
Who's really saying goodbye
In a world full of death
Who dares to make the bets
In a world full of hate
It's so hard to be unafraid
In a world full of wrongs
Who will make it right
I feel lost in a world full of change
I feel disoriented in all my pain
I want to cry, let it all out
But to you I can't explain what i'm all about
You'll want to know what i'm feeling inside
But to tell you all that, i'll have nothing left to hide
The one things i'm good at is never letting you see
The one thing I hold true to is never uncovering me
My heart is like an overfilled balloon
That's about to explode throwing my tears to the moon
Give me a way, so secret and safe
To cry to myself in my lonesome cave
No one can hear all the things I have to say
Because they wouldn't understand why I keep living this way
A secret crush
no one can know
that my attraction to you
is gonna make me explode
longing to be with you
even for one night
you holding me close with
a grasp so tight
Don't let me go
if only it was real
maybe it could be
if I told you how I feel
But I don't want the pain
of the way you'd react
why would you wanna be with me
please, don't turn your back
I know you've heard the rumors
I know what people think
but that's not me anymore
the old me is extinct
come to me
i'll tell you the truth
then you can want me
without any strange excuse
please, see me, my beautiful crush
see the real me...
someday you must
Look at me
confusing myself
eaten away by life
struggling to hold a simple smile
Envy of the love around me
longing for an embrace of my own
wanting to be held close
without any feeling of doubt
Look into my eyes
further than ever before
you'll see me crying
because I feel so all alone
Do I need anyone?
no, my life isn't going to end
but my heart has never felt
that tingle of admiration
I'm filled with empty space
that doesn't know where to go
I want to fall in love and quit
stalling on this rollercoaster road
~ Roland Giguere~
