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RUMBLE FOR CHARITY 2001
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INTRODUCTION
(In an unnamed MidWestern town, a family gathers together and sits themselves down in front of the television. On the East Coast, in a smoke-filled sports bar, the bartender reaches up and flips a switch that turns all TVs in the bar to the same closed-circuit channel. On the West Coast, a bunch of guys wearing frat house shirts arms themsleves with bowls of popcorn and potato chips. They leap into tattered couches in front of a 48" RCA flatscreen TV and turn to the PPV ordering channel. Variations of these scenes are repeated around the country and indeed, around the world. In Cleveland, Ohio, hundreds of fans scream in delight as TUFF wrestlers are escorted through the raving throngs and into the back door. In a while, they will have a chance to mingle with the fans all they want, but for now, security is paramount. Inside the Grizzlydome, all is pandemonium and bedlam. At one end of the arena, Rocktober Blood (a band composed of Warlock's wrestlers) is jamming their hearts out. They are kicking off the promotional tour for their new CD "Oui Avant Garde A Chance" and putting on quite a show! With flashing lights and speaker boxes the size of small imported automobiles, the fans are eating it up. Right now, they are in the middle of "Monkey Business" (the number one hit single in Wisconsin) and Reb McKenzie is ripping out chords left and right. He has sweat rolling off his forehead, but from the grin on his face, you wouldn't know he was suffering at all! The scene changes to ringside, where an announcer awaits his cue. He sees the camera light wink on, and straightens his tie and sits up a little straighter.)
Announcer: "Hello and welcome to TUFF's First Annual Rumble for Charity ppv! I'm Will "Mile-A-Minute" Anderson and I'm going to be one of your hosts tonight! Sharing the duties with me will be TUFF's own "Drill Sergeant" Rusty Spaulding. He'll be down here in a little while when the show gets going. I'm also told that this third chair next to me will be filled by srpecial guest announcers as the evening goes on! For now, just sit back and listen to this capacity crowd of 58,000 as they get ready for tonight's festivities!"
(The camera flashes around to various parts of the arena....hanging on one balcony is the Canadian flag, with a Sasketchewan Sasquatch T-shirt taped over the Maple Leaf. In another part of the arena, a fan has dressed her infant son up in a "Super D" outfit. Up in the rowdiest section, the hometown fans of The StarJammer Josh Greer are unfurling a huge 20 foot banner. Hundreds, if not thousands, of fans have brought their own signs, placards, and pictures and are displaying them in support of their wrestlers. Dotted here and there throughout the crowd are posters depicting various charities.)
Will: "Tonight marks many IWA firsts. The most important is that this is the first event that has ever been organized solely to benefit charity! All proceeds generated from this event will go to various organizations that are being represented by the TUFF stars you'll see tonight. But in order to be a part of this, you've got to pick up the phone and order now. Call this number on your screen right now and Be A Part Of The Solution (tm). In fact, if you call within the next 43.5 minutes, 0.086 percent of the proceeds from your call will go to The Hairclub for Men...because hair is a terrible thing to waste! We've got a lot in store for you fans tonight, so stick around as we count down to the Rumble for Charity 2001! Oh...I'm just getting word that there is apparently a special TUFF manager's meeting going on in the back room. Let's head there with one of our floor correspondents Brock Shadler. Brock, you there yet?"
BUSINESS SESSION
Brock: "Yeah, Will. It looks as if the managers are having a special closed door session, perhaps to welcome in the new members. We've been allowed in as a favor."
Will: "You said something about new members. Can you get a word from any of them?"
Brock: "Sorry Will, but they're just a little too busy right now. I can tell you that these six new recruits seem to be settling in well so far. Actually, for Joe Lewis and Carl Socks, this is like a homecoming for them, as they were in TUFF before. TUFF is a vastly different organization than it was when Joe was here last though. The general consensus is that The Real American Tom Frisenda is going to be a rookie to keep an eye on. He's got a lot of potential, and most everyone I've talked to hopes he sticks around to realize that potential. Adam Wilder, on the other hand, has been in the IWA longer than I've been hired here. He's going to add some good depth to the roster and with the experience he has, he ought to be popping up on the front page before too long. Tina Harrell is a rookie manager, but she's actually been assisting Danfor many years now. Everyone is expecting that she's picked up some tricks of the trade along the way and her guy's debut in the DZL ought to be interesting. Along those same lines, Lin Coleman is eager to manage alongside her mother Tina in the DZL. She's going to be the wildcard of this crop, but everyone's pulling for her to do well. Carl Socks may be the year's sleeper hit. He's been in several of the IWA's bigger stables and has now decided to make a home in TUFF. Word on the street is that he's gonna be hitting big. And Joe Lewis is already a proven winner-his men have taken the USL and ECL by storm, and he shows no signs of slowing down. Whoops, I see that Rich Stellato is taking the podium. Looks like he has a few things to say."
Rich: "Fellow TUFF managers, welcome. Let me first start by saying that I hope this PPV was worth waiting for...I know it took a long time to get to you, but I've got a mean perfectionist streak. Also, I wish to thank all of you for participating. As much fun as this was to write, it wouldn't have been possible without your help and contributions. Now, onto business. By now, you should all have heard Rocktober Blood out there. Well, thanks to Warlock's... influence....on them, shehas convinced them to hand any proceeds they made from this concert to us, to be added to the pool for our various causes!" (Warlock stands and mock-bows to the room as the other managers cheer and thump her on the back.) "It is still too early to say how much each organization will be getting from us, but we can rest assured that it'll be easily five figures."
Rich: "Now, there are also some items that have been brought to the floor for discussion. Since "Heavy D" Dan Harrell is responsible for most of these items, I'm going to turn the podium over to him." (The room buzzes with curiosity as Dan thanks Rich and takes the microphone.)
Dan Harrell: 100% Wrestling Cheese
(Excuse me if I get long winded in this edition of the Cheese) "We're not
a very demostrative team anyways. We know what we are; we're tough and basically
simple; we don't do much that's very complicated; we have good coaching and
we're fundamenttally sound; we play aggressively. A whole lot is said and
written about character building, and people may think that's overrated. But
I'm convinced that a team of good character-and by that I mean a bunch of
guys who are morally sound and who really care for each other-will win the
close games and come through in the clutch and perform well under adverse
circumstances. Basically I think that's the makeup of our team."
A new used bookstore has opened near our new home and often as couples do, we investigated it. I happened upon the book TERRY BRADSHAW:MAN OF STEEL, and having an affiance for the PITTSBURGH STEELERS I had to add it to my collection of Steeler memorabilia. But at the time we were merely window shopping so it would have to wait. Three weeks later I now have the book in my library of Bibles, Christian Books and Star Wars novels. The Steelers have always been my team from earliest childhood to today. Even through the lean years, the dissappointments and the Neil O'Donnel blunder in the Super Bowl. I know your asking yourselves What the heck does this have to do with Wrestling? What does it have to do with TUFF? Basically Character!!!! TUFF has the components of a great stable-we need to continue the mystique associated with the cornerstone that is our trademark-being fan favorites. We are the Entrepreneurs in a game where mondo-traditionalists are opposed by pseudo-entertainment. Hardcore hype opposes quintessential principles, where character is replaced with trashy personal attacks. Basically and crudishly I might add-most stables need an enema! Where most of the IWA sewage that has spilt over onto the Internet comes from the managers disrespect for the game. The IWA was once a contest of skill between two managers who could work an angle/gimmick for months on end. Enduring, tweaking and remainingfresh and exciting. The current trend doesn't support this notion. Because of some little insecurity's in their lives, managers berate and will use anything and everything to run you either from the league or the IWA. They pack their stables with managers who laugh and applaud their evil efforts and like cowardly jackals join in on the bloodletting. The IWA has curved this type of thing in recent years, and that is why the flood gates have been opened and spilled over into the net! Yes we have "Working" relationships with certain stables that fall into the "Need for an enema" state. But is that such a good thing? Where do we draw the line? When do we transcend the current trend, the hardcore hype which is strictly bush league with trailer park trash appeal? Yes it may make us unpopular with the vast majority, but in the long run it will win us respect. Drawing out those managers who buck the trends. Managers who don't fall into the Hardcore hype cracks. We are revolutionizing the game, wrecking the pseudo-establishment wanna-be corporate-giants! We are the new faction-old school business and know how. We need to succeed against overwelming odds by producing the stable that exceeds the current trend. Never to compromise our principles for a temporary descent into the hardcore scrap heap. Those managers (not naming names) who spend countless hours filling electronic space with voracious, crude, and degrading remarks. We need to thrive in the areas of atomsphere, teamwork, contributing to the whole and opposing the hype. Which brings me to slashing with other stables. Frankly I don't know what each stable that TUFF is slashed with stands for or what overall principles they have regarding TUFF principles. Whether they are aligned with the basic set up of TUFF, is a very important message we are sending out to the rest of the IWA! As TUFF we need to be set apart from the pack, we already have the unprecedented popularity. But with the popularity we have a responsibilty to continue the established atomosphere and uphold the principles set forth by the forefathers and never never compromise for any reason. TUFF is the supreme stable of stables in the IWA, enthusiasm is our footstool and dedication our trademark. There is no limit to what we at TUFF can achieve, I am dedicated to the cause. When we 'slash' with stables that are not dedicated to the cause do we undermine our principles? Do we compromise our team? I could answer for that for myself. Call me the vanguard of TUFF or an opinionated lout, a loyal defender of the faith or an epitome of goober (yes we at Mayberry like our white goo from Dairy Queen with our Chicken Strip basket--sorry Rich--but are you sure that Chicken ain't something else?) I may see myself as a noble warrior, systematic statesman with tremendous drive and determination (okay-okay-so I'm the smashmouth-pummelin'-clubberin'-scramble the brains of anybody who gets in my way-type). TUFF is the invading force. The rulebreakers and hardcore hype need to be aware of our uncompromised stand. It's time we absorbed the stables that TUFFis slashed with! Absorbing these stables would fill our contingent and make TUFF an even more ominous threat to those stables we have ongoing feuds with. I know it sounds controversial, risky and maybe hazardous-but the theory is sound I assure you. Every stable that we are currently slashing with if they agree would contexture themselves into the main body of TUFF. There would not be any sub-stables or stables slashed with there would only be TUFF! Those who did not agree we would graciously say thank you for your support, back them if needed, but be seperate from them and not slash with them. Loyality would be a must, fan favoritism an esstential. If the stable grows too big which is highly possible, TUFF could set up a board of governors, say five managers who would oversee the entire operation. Rich and Bill are a given, and the other three would be picked by and voted upon by the entire group. It's do-able! The only untied end is yours! I know we all have opinions on the subject, but we need to come to some sort of agreeance. I have been a leader of several stables, and have been a member of stables that slashed. And the slashing stables always end up in the scrap heap. TUFF is better than that, TUFF can stand on it's own! And also let me make something personally clear I have nothing against these other stables we are slashing with. Yes there are those we are slashed with that might not uphold the TUFF banner as it's members-and gasp! they might not be fan favorites! That is a mixed message that undermines what TUFF stands for. Personally I support TUFF110%. My loyality is to TUFF and TUFF alone. I'm opposed to slashing because it can and does undermine TUFF at times. I know I have said alot about this subject, but like the Pittsburgh Steelers we are a team, we play together, we lose together, we triumph together. We are the noblest of warriors, and never forget- "To me the amazing thing is not that we put a good team on the field, but that I was apart of it." -Terry Bradshaw (1979) Three Rivers Stadium may have been emploded in February, but the Pittsburgh Steelers will go forward. It's time TUFF emploded the slashing and forged forth! Terry Bradshaw would be so proud-till next time I'll be sipping Starbucks Coffee and finishing my book on Terry Bradshaw.......cya!" (Dan hands the mic back to Rich, and retires to his chair next to Lin and Tina.)
Rich: "Thanks Dan, I think you've given us a lot to think about. However, I would be totally remiss in my job if I didn't break things down a bit and make some counter points. The issues at hand (and the ones we will be voting on) are thus: 1) Slashing-Do we ban it or not? 2) Absorbing other stables-Do we seek to assimilate or not? 3) We also need to vote on the Ambassador position. Do we confirm Dennis Hammack as Ambassador, or is there someone else you would like to see in that position?" Rich: "Since I am one of the TUFF managers who is currently slashing, I am going to defer being the vote-counter and ask that you send Bill your votes ([email protected]). It will be up to him to set a "due" date and make sure as many people as possible vote."
Rich: "Now, my counter-points to Dan's arguments...."
Rich: "On the issue of slashing, Dan makes the very valid point that most of the successful stables in the IWA have not allowed slashing. That may indeed be what it takes to make it to the top of the mountain-to demand that kind of utter loyalty. However...TUFF has never been about solely winning titles. At least, it hasn't under my and Bill's administration (and I urge you all to remember that I can be removed at any time if you want to see a change.) We've always preferred a more informal lassiez-faire approach to running this stable because, quite frankly, neither of us has the time to be a full time stable leader and exercise the kind of tight control that we think would be required in a more traditional stable. Maybe if we were teenagers again, it might be possible, but we're not and it's not."
Rich: "Now as I said, I'm not entirely unsympathetic to Dan. I do in fact agree that we shouldn't be slashing with stables that aren't fan friendly. It does send a mixed message that doesn't quite go along with our gimmick. So Bill and I went and consulted with Josh Greer and James Bushnell, both of whom have wrestlers in "heel" stables. What they have done is pretty creative...rather than slashing, they have made sure that their (for example) POA wrestlers stay in POA and TUFF stays in TUFF. This way, they get to be as creative as they want without necessarily blurring the lines between "face" and "heel." That is, I think, a good compromise and if we elect to keep slashing, I'd like to see people institute a self-policing policy like this. Yes, I'm aware we'd lose some wrestlers, but hopefully we would retain the managers, which is really what makes this stable work (in my opinion.) Slashing with other fan friendly stables could still be allowed (for example, MA, FOC) without hurting our image, I think. As for figuring out who heel is, well, be honest with yourself. If your wrestler does stuff on a regular basis that the average fan isn't going to be able to get behind and support, then he or she probably shouldn't be in TUFF. It's not a perfect policy, but I think it's the least painful of the alternatives. So in closing, I say this: If you vote to slash, please slash responsibly." (The assembled managers share a chuckle.)
Rich: "The next topic is assimilating other stables. I would rather we didn't just blindly ask people in the stables that some of us are slashing with to join us. If everyone by some miracle agreed, that would be a huge boost, yes. But it would also mean we'd have a juggernaut stable with dozens of people that have varying opinions on how to do things. What I think would quickly happen is that a "core" group would emerge, with everyone else feeling as if they have no say and are left out of the process. I think there would be a large amount of dissatisfaction and as quickly as we pulled in all these new members, they'd fall right out again with a bad taste in their mouths about TUFF. If it's members we're looking for, then maybe we need to expand out recruitment efforts. Maybe we need to do more in-league and be more aggressive about recruiting big-name free agents who have left other stables. There are options other than assimilating entire other stables into our infrastructure, and I'd rather we explored those before taking on a project this big."
Rich: "Lastly, concerning the Ambassador position. Dennis has proved to be an invaluable resource in helping to evaluate our new recruits. I'd like to see him get the official nod, but that is ultimately up to you folks. Should you feel that someone else deserves the job, let me or Bill know and we'll set up a run-off election."
Rich: "Now before my voice goes totally, let me explain the setup of this PPV to the newer members. A little while ago, I thought it would be a neat idea to write an all-TUFF PPV because at the time, my guys were moving around from one league to another and I was tired of not getting a chance to see my guys' names in lights. The more I thought about it, the more I liked the idea. I asked the managers at the time to come up with a match they'd like to see, a promo/interview, and a charity for their proceeds to be donated to. This way, I had a legit reason for getting everyone together. Some of these plans were made well before you newer guys got here, but I decided to go ahead and put you in various matches. I made up general charities for your imaginary proceeds to go to. Now, sit back and enjoy the show! According to the clock, we've got about fifteen minutes before the show starts. Oh, and let your wrestlers know that there has been a change in catering plans. Originally, there was going to be a buffet available in each dressing room, but for simplicty's sake we decided to take all the food and set it up in the conference lounge near the entrance to the arena. That's all the technical stuff for now. See you all out there!" (The managers nearly leap out of their seats with anticipation and move quickly to the door and down the hall.)
Brock: "Well there you have it Will! Looks like there's a lot of stuff going on in the upper levels of TUFF, and maybe some big changes coming down the pipeline."
INTERVIEW WITH ATOMIC WEREWOLF
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Will: "Thank you Brock. Well, as we all know, this PPV is promising to be the smash hit of the year! I'm told that the phones at Greed Cable Inc. are ringing off the hook with orders. If you can't get through on the first try, please keep trying; it's important to these charities and to the wrestlers sponsoring them that we get as many orders as we can." Will: "Joining me here in the broadcast area is my colleage "Midnite Maniac" Marc Storace. Marc, tell me, what do you think of Rocktober Blood's performance so far?" Marc: "Will, it's just incredible. I haven't had the chance to talk to any of the band members yet, but from the way they're sounding and the energy they're putting into it, this has to be one of the best shows they've ever put on." Will: "Great Marc! I'm not a metal-rock fan myself, but I can appreciate the effort that they're putting into their performance. Anyway, I understand that you conducted a couple of interviews for our viewers. Care to let us in on the details?" Marc: "I wouldn't be doing my job otherwise, now would I? (The two laugh.) I took some time to speak to Atomic Werewolf, one of the new guys in TUFF's BBL efforts." (Scene fades to a locker room where Marc Storace, Warlock, Atomic Werewolf, The Rat Pack, and Marky de Sade are assembled.) |
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Marc: "Greetings, TUFF members and fans! This is Marc Storace with breaking news regarding the recent rash of personal attacks aimed at Warlock in the BBL. It started in the GBL with a vicious attack on Marky de Sade by a mysterious assailant calling himself "I, am that is," who claimed to know Warlock. It continued to the BBL, where Marky was again brutalized by the assailant, who then instructed a subordinate (equally mysterious) to finish the job in Warlock's dressing room. Moments later, cameras depicted a bizzare scene of Warlock's namesake guitar covered in bloody scrawl "Penance, Redemption, Reconciliation" (camera shows the guitar) with a picture of Warlock in her rookie days, next to an inexplicably bandaged Marky de Sade, much to the rage of the mysterious assailant. Things came to a head the following cycle (note-this attack was not printed due to an IWA copy error) as Warlock herself was ambushed and the mystery man revealed himself to be the werewolf "Matthias Ahroun", a living legend of the IWA and father of Warlock's career-long enemy Atomic Werewolf! He accused her of being the cause of his son's lack of success, which he felt tarnished his reputation, and tried to kill her, but was stopped by Atomic, who publicly apologized to Warlock and asked to join her! After some backstage negotiations, the heel that was at one time so hated that even other bad guys hated him, has done a full 180 and signed on with TUFF! Now let's go to the wolf himself for comments...For the benefit of the other TUFF managers, please tell us of your past with Warlock."
Atomic: "Well, it's like this. I met Warlock in August 1997 after she made her IWA debut with Reb McKenzie, and I was impressed with her potential, soI asked her to manage me too. She agreed, but it soon became apparent that Reb and I had a serious personality clash. He was a total babyface, and I was evil incarnate, attacking people for no reason than to get my name out there! It didn't take long for my losses to start piling up, being that I was a beginner, so I took out my frustrations on Warlock and fired her, which led to years of mudslinging between me and MA, but especially Reb. The guy is notorious for being nice to everyone, even enemies, but he hated my guts. That should give you an idea how bad I was."
Marc: "With all that bad blood, why did you decide to extend the olive branch and go face?"
Atomic: "While my career went nowhere fast, Warlock's guys were just getting better and better. When she made the IWA report, I knew I'd made a mistake. Also, for a while, I was in a different league than her other wrestlers, but our paths kept crossing, and though our methods were vastly opposite, we always seemed to have the same feuds in common, particularly with NVUS in the EBL. So it just makes sense that we work together. I've seen that being a nice guy works, no matter what the bad guys say."
Marc: "What about your father? You joining TUFF was against his wishes." Atomic: "I know, and that does hurt, but I know I'm doing the right thing. Old age has caught up with him and he's uh...not all there. That's what drove him to retire. He just wants to see me succeed, and now that I'm with TUFF, I will!"
Marc: "How do you think fans and your fellow TUFF wrestlers will react to you becoming a good guy?"
Atomic: "With the wrestlers, it's hard to say. Everyone is still so shocked. Fans were too. I think I disappointed the hardcore heel fans, but I'm starting to get cheers for the first time ever, and I love it! Don't get me wrong-I'm still the same outrageous ruffian I ever was, but this time I'M the good guy!" (Camera goes back to the announcing area, where Marc and Will are awaiting the "on-air" light.)
INTERVIEW WITH DAMIAN
Marc: "This interview was recorded a little while ago. Since then, Werewolf has done a decent job of assimilating himself into the BBL. I don't think the other guys there are quite comfortable with him yet, but at least they're not shying away from him either. It's going to take a while, but he should prove to be a solid addition to their roster. In fact, he ought to be making an appearance in the Battle Royal, tonight's main event. Now remember fans, if you want to see tonight's show, you've got to call now and place your order. Don't wait: the Rumble begins in just ten short minutes and..."
Will: "Marc, I thought you said you had two interviews. Shouldn't you get going with the next one?" (For a bare second, the smile leaves Marc's face.)
Marc: "I wish you'd forgotten about that. Yes, I also had the "pleasure" of interviewing one of the....strangest characters I've met in quite a while. Now, Warlock is always recruiting some of the oddest people I've ever met. A case in point is Jay Jay Thunders, the boxing kangaroo who is in the SHL. But this guy, her latest recruit, has got to be the weirdest wrestler I've ever met. You've gotta see this one to believe it." (Camera flashes to a BRL arena in Virginia Beach.)
Marc: "Greetings TUFF members! This is Marc Storace here
to do an interview with a mysterious newcomer to the roster. I'm not quite
sure what to expect, since he is also a member of CHAOS, but while we await
his arrival, here's what I do know. He claims to hail from the Seventh Level
of Hell, he appears to have quite a fondness for feta Cheese Whiz....(he is
interrupted as "Agado" by Black Lace, perhaps one of the most annoying songs
ever, begins to play..)...I guess this is it folks! Standing fourteen inches
tall, weighing in at a whopping 11.2 pounds, give it up for...wait, this can't
be right...yep, it is...give it up for Rosemary's Billygoat!"
(Fans gawk in disbelief as an abominably cute pygmy billygoat trots out, dragging
a George Foreman Lean, Mean Grilling Machine behind him. When he reaches Marc,
he stops and sits down, apparently waiting for an interview. The crowd begins
to chuckle at the strange spectacle.)
Marc: "Hmm...Well, so much for the interview. Goats can't talk!"
Goat: "I beg your pardon, Marcus."
Marc: (does a double-take as the goat speaks in his mind) "Y-you can talk? That's absurd!"
Goat: "Talk? Hardly. I'm merely communicating with you by the power of my mind. It's common knowledge that billygoats have telepathy. Didn't you know that?"
Marc: (visibly shaken) "Uhh...riiiight. So how did you get started in this business, Billy...can I call you that?"
Billy: "Certaintly. But my real name is Damian. I'm actually the infamous Rosemary's Baby from the movies, but this time I've been reincarnated as a sickeningly cute billygoat. I guess even Satan has a sense of humor. Anyway, I became a wrestler because I want to break new ground for the oppressed legions of billygoats everywhere! My dream is to open up new doors for the oppressed billygoats of tomorrow...that, and make an origami crane after each match I win. At the end of the year, I'll give all my cranes to sick children. Billygoats like origami."
Marc: "You're in the BRL, right?" Billy: "Affirmative. I'm told that there's all sorts of fun in store for TUFF there."
Marc: "Indeed, Billy, indeed...Uh, care to describe your rather unique finisher?"
Billy: "I call it ‘Lean, Mean Grillin' Con Queso'! What I do is knock my opponent out with a billygoat headbutt-we've got heads like stone, y'know-then I rip off part of his clothes, pile on the Cheese Whiz, and grill it up to eat for dinner with my Lean Mean Grillin' Machine! You know, these George Foreman grills are really something..."
Marc: (breaks off into a fit of coughing, during which fragments of mumbling are heard: ‘darn Warlock....eating paint chips again...who ever heard of....telepathic billygoats...insane!)
Billy: (bows head in a curtsy) "Well, I must bid goodfare, my good man! The grill calls, and I must answer! Up, up, and awaaaaaayyy!" (Billy grabs his grill and trots off to parts unknown. The fans go bonkers. Marc looks deeply troubled.)
FINAL COUNTDOWN
Will: "Marc....Marc....you all right buddy?"
Marc: "Uhh...yeah, I'll be fine, I'll be fine. Looks like the band is closing up for their intermission, which will be the actual PPV. Let me go see if I can grab some quotes from them. Have fun up here, and if you need a hand, let me know."
Will: "All right Marc! Catch you later.....(turns back to camera) Well fans, we're now down to the wire! You've got just three minutes to call in and be part of the biggest pay per view extravaganza this year! Ahh..joining me now is the man who will be helping me out with my broadcast duties tonight, TUFF's very own "Drill Sergeant" Rusty Spaulding! Rusty, how are you doing tonight?" (A muscular man in an Army green tank top and camo pants turns the chair around backwards and straddles it. He slips on the headphones and grips Will's hand in a firm grasp. Will winces a little when his hand is removed.)
Rusty: "I'm doing just fine, thanks. Boy, this is gonna be one heckuva pay per view. I jusr got the finalized matches from the back and we're now authorized to de-classify this list." (A screen pops up, with the following card of matches:)
The Extortionist vs. The Scientist for the Free Tibet Society
Lee Howe and Craig Gerbert vs Jumping Joey Magnolia and Tazzberry Blue for Men's Outreach Center
Brass Monkey vs. Secret Opponent
Valhalla and The Sheriff vs Mike and Steve O'Donils for Muscular Dystrophy
Highlander vs. Funky Chicken- Crohn's Disease Research
Chris Holmes vs. Rick Dundee- Alcoholics Anonymous
"Starjammer" Josh Greer vs Bill Barnard- Skeloderma Research