Will: "Well here we are fans at tonight's Main Event! This is it, this is the Big One, the one match that'll get every single wrestler in TUFF in the same ring together!"

Rusty: "Not quite. Barnard and the Starjammer are going to be sitting this one out, as will the Big Kahuna. I'm going to be right here doing play-by-play. And we had to string two rings together to hold everyone together. Our techs have also done a wonderful job with setting everything up, using the alternate ring entrance on the other side of the arena. And we also have some interesting info that just came in from our accountants. Each and every charity that was represented here tonight, regardless of whether their rep won or lost, will be getting a check for...I can't believe this...$63,581.98!"

Will: "Folks, you just can't know how much that money's going to be appreciated by the people that need it. We also understand we may have set a record for viewership, although that's up to the Nielsens to decide."

Rusty: "Another interesting thing about this match is that this will be the TUFF debut for several new wrestlers and managers who joined since Rich started writing this thing two months ago! (So much for timing this to co-incide with Wrestlemania! Oh well.....)

Will: "So without any further ado, let's get right down to business and kick things off! There's the bell, and immediately pandemonium sets in! I see Craig Gerbert and Grizzlyteaming up aganst the Sasketchewan Sasquatch, and looks like Felix Flick is taking some hard shots from Gothic Wonder Joe Trumphour! Ermac is pounding on Rick Dundee as The Enforcer throws down with 187! And Gothic Diva Lisa Swanner isn't holding anything back as she goes toe-to-toe with Blackie Lawless! Highlander and The Funky Chicken are storming at each other in a rematch of what went down earlier tonight, and look! Tag Team action as Dizzy D and Acid Tripp dump Wildcard over the ropes! He's the first one out!"

Rusty: " So why isn't he leaving? He just jumped back up on the apron and....grabbed Black Venum Stevie Rachelle from behind? Now he's pulling him out of the ring! Steviedoesn't look too happy, but Wildcard's leaning over and saying something...Uh-oh, Stevie's smiling, that's not good news. Woah, looks like Jumping Joey Magnolia managed to put The Real American Tom Frisenda out of the running...Stevie and Wildcard are approaching him, and it looks like they're telling him something. He's laughing!"

Frisenda: (pushes Stevie): "Stevie! Get...the TABLES!!!" (All three turn and make a mad dash up the ramp.)

Will: "Ohhhhh boy. WHAT are those three screwballs planning? Well, can't worry too much now as Hard Hat Henderson gets thrown out by Lee Howe. Tazzberry Blue and Pitbull Joe Lewis are double teaming Zartan as the Atomic Werewolf is all over Revived. Axl Rose(Zeitlow) has met up with Axl Rose (Trumphour) and the two are taking on Rock-A-Doodleand Jimmie Jawaya. Oops, Ms. America has just been eliminated by the Armadillo Pope...looks like she tripped on his robes."

Rusty: "The B. Man throws himself off the top and lands on Moose Manitoba. My Refuge is getting the short end of the stick from Chris Holmes, and look at that! The Scientist, The Sheriff, and Valhalla are all trying to dump Lee Howe over the top! He's fighting like crazy, and in comes Mike O'Donils with the save! It's 3-on-3 as Tim O'Riley joins in!"

Will: "Super D and My Strength are prowling the perimiter....they see the Ultimate Survivor dumping Dizzy D over the top and they pounce! Ultimate Survivor hangs on...and takes Super D with him! Meanwhile Nasty Suicide has joined forces with Grizzly and the two are sweeping a path through the ring! There goes Jimmie Jawaya and Jumping Joey Magnolia, and there goes Dragon's Talisman....uh oh, looks like they've attracted the attention of God's Mighty Warrior and "Mr. TUFF" The Survivor. Lee Howe and Valhalla are fighting to stay in the ring as a swarm of smaller wrestlers have united to send them both over, and..." he cuts off as the Titantron lights up with a scene from Animal House. Bluto Blutarski stands up and yells, "FOOOD FIIIIGHT!!!!" With that, The Real American Tom Frisenda and Black Venum Stevie Rachelle come running down the ramp carring one of the fully loaded buffet tables! They set it down and Jimmie Jawaya grabs a piece of cake and smushes it into Ultimate Survivor'sface! Ultimate Survivor replies by grabbing a ladle of gravy and throwing it at Jawaya. Hard Hat Henderson sprints up the ramp chuckling to himself, and Jumping Joey Magnolia flings cheese balls at Super D! Wildcard runs back down the ramp and hands out paper bags to all the people in the front row.)

Rusty: "What's he doing now? This is getting way out of hand..." (He stops in shock as the people open their bags and realize Wildcard has bought them all orders of French Fries! They start flinging the fries into the ring as Frisenda and Rachelle come back down the ramp with more tables! Now wrestlers in and out of the ring are getting pelted....Haft tosses a finger sandwich at Marky de Sade, who glares at Haft. Then he digs into the broccoli florets and starts flinging the veggies at Haft with superhuman speed. Haft retreats slowly under the green barrage. Marc Storace sneaks up and grabs a pie and heads for the back room, passing Hard Hat Henderson on the way. Henderson has a CO2 can from one of the soda fountains and has rigged up a Mountain Dew gun, complete with backpack. He sprays the people in the ring, but stops as Rusty Spaulding climbs into the ring with a microphone.) "Stop this, stop this! What are you guys DOING? This is a wrestling match, you guys are supposed to be professional wrestlers! Have you all lost your..." (He gets cut off as a head of lettuce bounces off his noggin. Looking up, everyone sees Captain Salad dangling from the rafters with a sack of lettuce, dropping lettuce bombs on people. The chaos begins anew!)

(Acid Tripp grabs a can of Coke from the table, then waits behind the steps. CraigGerbert turns and gets Speared by Tripp, who straddles Gerbert and shakes the can. He then pops it open in Gerbert's face and dashes off to reload! Sasketchewan Sasquatch reaches down to grab a turkey leg, but finds that Valhalla has intentions on it! The two square tear the turkey in half, flinging bits of turkey everywhere. In the hallway, Marc Storace has tracked down Warlock.)

Marc: "Make me interview telepathic billygoats, huh? It's not enough I loyally follow your band everywhere, it's not enough I do all the interviews you want, but now you want me to talk to TELEPATHIC BILLYGOATS!?!?!?" (He smushes the raspberry pie into Warlock's face and runs off, laughing maniacally.) (The Rat Pack has just finished dumping a load of ice onto "The General" Mr. Mills. Rosemary's Billygoat is contentedly munching away on some Salsa con Queso dip. Grizzlyslaps a Jello mold upside Big D's head, while Tim O'Riley is throwing barbecued chicken legs at people as they pass by. The Blue Diamond gets a pie in the face from The Real American Tom Frisenda, who in turn gets a bucket of Gatorade dumped on him from The American Man. Finally, it appears that the supply of food has run out and Rich Stellato climbs in the ring. Avoiding as much of the mess as he can, he walks to the center of the ring and begins to speak.

Rich: "It seems as it we now have to declare a winner. Let's see, who's left here?" (Over in one corner, a lone figure is huddled miserably.) "There! Ladies and Gentlemen, we have a winner! Um...someone want to throw me a towel? I can't recognize who it is...." (A towel is found and Rich hands it to the person. A little scrubbing later, and the crowd gasps in shock. Even Rich seems a little perturbed.....but he goes ahead and raises the guy's hand in victory. "Fans, let's hear it for the ref! Mel has won the 2001 Rumble for Charity!"

Hope you all enjoyed this!

Richard W. Stellato

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