|
09.28.05 | What's New?
Hehehe... I'm back again! Although in my last post, I've said that I'll be away for a couple of days (actually 2 weeks), I just couldn't help but blog today. So... okay! What's new??
New layout. You can see it obviously. Like I promised, it was a cat-featured layout. I like the kittens/cats graphed, so I decided to make a layout of it, and tanan! Heehee...
New commitment. I know, I know. I've been prayed over when we were in our retreat in Bulacan last September 11, 2005. But, when I was prayed over yesterday, the Holy Spirit gave me something new -- and it's the gift of tongues!!! Waaa!! I can now speak in tongues!! Praise the Lord!!!
Ate Gemma and Ate Nikki said to me that now that I have received the gift, I must practice it vocally and always, since the gift of tongues is actually my own prayer of worship to Father God. So... wow!! Thank you very much, Father God! ^^
New admirer?? Well, I don't know if it's really new, but just this day, Kuya Fred came up to me and gave me something. He asked me first to open both my hands, then he put it into my hands and told me to keep it and not see it until classes are over. I obeyed, and asked him what is it for. He said that when he got home yesterday, that object was there with a note that says, "Pakibigay naman po ito kay Rosa. Pakisabi na rin na importante siya sa akin... Salamat."
So, okay, then I asked where's the note? Kuya Fred just burned the letter to make sure that I won't be able to see it. Epal??? Oh yeah, that object was in fact a necklace, with black and white beads. ^^ I put it on and it surprisingly looked good on me. Hehehe...
Anyway, up until now, my mind is in circles. Who is it really who gave me the necklace? Uhm, although I do have one person in mind, I'm still not sure if it is really him. Haaay... Although I'm perfectly sure that it is not JRa. ^^
Oh well. God bless! ^^
09.21.05 || God is so good!
Yay! As in yay! God is really good! ^^ Once again, I cannot believe that I was the highest in our quiz in ICS from all of the Computer Science sections. And, as a reward, Sir Vergil had given me an MPH magazine as a reward. Cool! ^^
You see, I really did not think at all that I would even pass on that exam. But, with just by asking help from God, I was able to get a high score, and even surpass the smartest person in our class (which is, by the way, Jen).
Haaayyy... anyway, that was after Karu and I went to the church to talk with Him again. We decided to separate so that we would be able to talk to him comfortably and freely, without much tension. After class, I went to swim again for another 2 hours. I was really determined to get that '1' in my finals. Shem, the only disadvantage, though, was that, I'm getting too much tan on my skin lately!!
Hmmm.. what else? Before I posted this entry, I was talking to JRa. ^^ Oh, how I missed him so much! Why? It's because these past two days, I was with Karu! Haaayy... now I'm starting to lose hope again in Karu, and not even caring a thing about him! Hmph! While JRa... he's really my best friend... Waaaa... JRa!! I miss you so much! ^^
Before we ended our conversation (both in text messaging and on the phone), I texted him 'good night, sweet dreams and God bless!' I was apologizing for disturbing him tonight. And this is what he replied to me:
"D k nkaistorbo... N22wa nga me eh. Cge pla gud nyt switdrims God bless dn... Luv u poh... :)"
Waaaa!! I love you too, JRa!!! Miss you na!!!
09.20.05 || Hee Hee...
An unexpected blessing! Yep, I was really nervous yesterday and this morning for our presentation because some of my group mates did not attend our meeting for it yesterday, and just this morning, Matthew did not even appear! So I was like, waaaa... Father God, please help us. I hope that we will not be embarrassed infront of the class. On and on, I kept praying and praying, and trusting in God that He would answer my prayer.
But, the fact is, He did not only answered my prayer, He even helped me overcome my fear of having stage frights, raised my confidence, and the result of our presentation? A perfect score! I thought, ha?? Why? What happened? Was Ma'am Villegas drunk or something? I mean, I obviously couldn't believe it. ^^
Thank you very very very much, Father God! ^^
Oh yeah, today's JRa and her girlfriend's anniversary, I just hope and pray that they would be stable for another 10 years! ^^ I hope he's happy with her now... haaay...
Anyway, JRa and I didn't eat our lunch together, which is kinda strange for everyone to see. Instead, I was with... Karu! Haha, yeah. The disciplined yet pasaway, the serious yet funny, the deep-thinker yet shallow-headed guy... I guess I can't describe him properly. :P
We texted each other for, uh, 13 hours?? Hahah, during the conversation, I remembered that he once courted a girl named "Julie." I was asking what type of gift a guy would give to a girl. Then he said, "ME? COURTED??" Heheh, he said that he couldn't even say it to the girl personally, and confessed it through text. Also, the greatest gift he had ever given to a girl was a single white rose. ^^ Haha, he's so torpe. :P
We were talking from 11 in the morning (that's the time I woke last Sunday) until 1 am the next day! Hahaha... :P Well, it was not my intention to really sleep so late, but he was watching "Gremlins" at that time while we were conversing, so I watched the movie too. Shem, he was so absorbed by the movie! XP
Uhm, what else can I say? Uhm, oh yeah, Ate Chette, nope, it's okay, I wasn't offended or anything. The image came from Broken Saints. I was just awed by their utterly cool flash intro, and picked a wallpaper. Then, I decided to make a layout out of it. Yep, you felt creepy, right? It's because the theme of the site is creepy as well. ^^
Oh well, my next layout would be about cats. Hehehe, sorry, Fe-chan, but I was kinda lazy to post my supposed to be Spiral layout. Aww.. such a cutie pa naman.. hehehe...
09.18.05 || I hate these lines...
It was given to me last Tuesday. I forgot to put it here, so I'm going to put it now. I can't explain why, but these lines kept me remembering about "him" and "his girlfriend." So morbid. :(
Here's his letter to me:
"Keep me as yours,
I'm yours 4ever...
D kta iiwan...
D m ko maaangkin...
'coz u don't hav 2...
I'll always be ure J-Ra
4 lyf...
PROMISE!"
So, so, sad... :P Pero, wala akong magagawa... Haaayyy...
Anyway, I've just seen this gift today! Waaa.. Fe-chan, why didn't you tell me?? Anyway, thanks! ^^ Luv yah! ^^
Oh yeah, and I've watched ZERO HOUR today in Discovery Channel. Heheh, I'm getting quite addicted to Discovery and Nat'l Geo. :P It's because their documentaries are just... awesome! ^^
Wow... astig talagang mag-isip si Karu... we were just texting at this time:
Karu: ...Now let me ask you. Do you love spaghetti?
Me: Heheh, yup. Why?
Karu: Now what if he (he's talking about JRa here) gives you spaghetti with 5 meatballs, would you accept it? 4 meatballs? 3 meatballs? 2 meatballs? 1 meatball? No meatball? Would still accept the spaghetti?
Me: What exactly are you trying to imply?
Karu: Na masarap ang spaghetti kahit walang meatball joke! Try to see the logic. Sometimes people can't give you love (spaghetti with 5 meatballs). Sometimes they can only give u plain spaghetti without sauce.. And that's up to you if you would accept it. And if you always want everyone to give you spaghetti with 5 meatballs.. That's the time ur expecting too much, which is bad.
Me: (somehow enlightened) ...I see your point. :) Heheh, ang lalim mo talaga mag-isip, huh? :)
Karu: ???? Hindi noh, wala lang akong ma-isip, gutom na kasi ako eh.
Heheh, wala lang, I'm just sharing it...^^
09.14.05 || While my Sister is Crying...
That's right. My sister is crying right now because I wanted to use the computer, but she was playing at that time. My purpose? To accomplish my assignment in Filipino. As always, I would shout at her, scream at her, kick her, punch her, or simply scare her... but not today.
After a few minutes of sibling competition of pleading for her to understand that what I am going to do is more important than to what she was doing awhile ago, I decided to continue with what I am supposed to do.
Oh, she stopped crying now and went away... phew... Now that really challenged my patience. Usually, I am a very impatient person, but what I saw just at that moment in myself was totally NOT OLD ME. I don't know... maybe the Holy Spirit is helping me to control my anger and emotions, so I wouldn't hit my younger sister and hurt her more.
Also... while she was wailing awhile ago, I stopped and prayed to God. I asked Him to please let her understand my situation, and that she would stop crying. Then, while I was writing this, she eventually stopped. ^^
Praise the Lord! ^^
Moving on to another topic, I really don't have much time writing the things that happened today since I still need to work on with my assignment. But, I'll just share a few. :P
Well, I was just surprised to find JRa acting so sweet towards me again this morning (he kept on holding my hands again!). XP I don't know, whenever I asked him if he has a major problem, he would always say to me that he's not accopanying me just because he needs someone to talk his problems with, no. He said that he really likes my company, so... (flushes)^^ Aheheh...
I was also surprised at how he was already comfortable with our classmates whenever they would tease us (I am still blushing whenever they do that, though sometimes I ignore them). During our period in Philosophy, in which Sir Diego did not come to our class, JRa and I were studying for our quiz in ICS. Then, one by one, my classmates (all of which are guys) gathered around us and joined the conversation. :P I kept noticing Karu sitting just on far end of the room -- alone, and with a heavy face. I don't understand why he's been acting so grumpy lately (hmmm...:P).
Heheh, having observed him, he's been going in and out of the room, never satisfied with just one place. Then, surprisingly, he walked towards us and joined as well. :P What??
I can't understand him, and I never will, for he is Karu, and I am Rosa. Heheheh...
Going to work now with my assignment. God bless! ^^
09.13.05 || God's Blessings
I never thought this entry would be this long. :P Anyway, I woke up kinda late again just to finish my homework in Math. We have a quiz today, and I didn't even review! So, I decided, what should be the best thing to do, and I eventually did not go on my first class, which was English, just to finish it. There was also a desire inside me that is wanting to just go to school, copy my classmates' assignments so I would be able to finish it more quickly. So, what forced me to NOT DO IT? My commitment with God. ^^
Unfortunately, I couldn't finish it, :P because an extra hour was still not enough. Then, I decided just to go to school, unfinished or not, and was hoping to still have time to review in Math. When I arrived there, I saw our second period teacher, which is our Filipino professor, and greeted her a good morning. Honestly, I don't know why after all the things that is happening to me, there is still the certain feeling of unexplained happiness that is inside me that I cannot control. Maybe it's the Holy Spirit. Maybe it's the feeling of contentment and utter happiness when I have finally said YES to HIM.
After Filipino period is our Math period. Sheesh, I was very nervous since I wasn't able to review because we've had our retreat last Saturday and Sunday. Well, anyway, I tried my best to answer our test. :P I just hope I won't fail it. Waaaaa! Heheh...^^
Lunch time. I was hoping to talk with JRa since we haven't talked for a while now since last Saturday. And last Friday, as in, I don't know why I've done it, but I realized that I should move on and stay away from him. But last Friday too, was that, what I DID NOT realize is that I could've hurt his feelings too, so he was kinda feeling serious and silent. Then, just this Saturday, which I thought he was finally mad at me (thank God he said he was not), he didn't attend our afternoon classes and spent his lunch time talking with Ma'am Stephanie. I waited for an hour for my turn to talk with our guidance counselor, but when I went out for a couple of minutes, JRa was already nowhere of sight and another student eventually replaced him. :(
That was when I thought, waaaaa, I was so so evuhl to have done it to him. I really felt guilty about it during the retreat, and I decided that after the retreat, I am going to talk to him and say sorry.
But just last Monday, I was surprised to see a text message from him, saying good morning. ^^ And after that, I immediately said sorry, and he said not to worry because it's not my fault. He was just kinda feeling sick on that Saturday morning and decided to go home and sleep (although he didn't and went to his friend's house).
He also confessed to me that it was better if he would handle his problems ALONE. He wanted to do it because there were so many people who already involved in his problem, and he doesn't want me to suffer too. At that time, I felt that he'd wanted me to stay out of his way. I immediately replied him back saying that it was really my choice to accompany him and not just because I want to sympathize him, but because I love him as my best friend. I think I remembered that a few lines of my text message was, "...nandito lang ako, handang dumamay at madamay, handang mahirapan at masaktan..." I also mentioned there that I hope he wouldn't forget me in case he has problems, for I am always here for him. He replied back, saying, "...iyan ang gusto ko sa'yo eh. Always there to cheer me up... Eh kailan ba kita nakalimutan? :) Ikaw pa! eh mahal na mahal kita! :)"
At first, one would think it was SUPER MUSHY, but then, when I tried to think it over, it was really SINCERE and HONEST.
I just don't why after all this time, I still love him. Maybe... love is just like that.^^
Well, anyway, back to the present time, which was during lunch time, at first, I thought that he wouldn't want me to eat with him (I was still acting awkwardly towards him). But when we paused for a moment, I was then surprised when he grabbed my hand and told me we could eat together. So happy... ;)
That was the first time I felt kinda awkward when I'm with him. But even so, I couldn't believe that my smile is almost touching my ears. I can't explain the happiness I'm feeling whenever I'm with him. All I know is that whenever we're together, I'm happy. ^^
After lunch, we're supposed to have Psychology, but Dr. Maranan didn't come to our class. Theology class was next. I was kinda nervous because since I attended the retreat, I was somehow required to share something infront of our class. I was feeling nervous all along, so JRa was holding my hands and told me again and again not to worry. Oh yeah, and the CYAers were there as well since it was Tuesday. We've had our songs sung and accompanied them with a little dance as well. While clapping all together, I was flushing inside the room because JRa won't let go of my arm! X) Hee hee... Well, anyway, I didn't get to share after all, but my friends in CYA wanted me to share next meeting. So yeah, I'm still going to. :P
We finished our day's class at 14:00. JRa and I decided to discuss our problems in Benavides Park. But since it was raining that afternoon, we just went to one of the High School benches and stayed there until 16:30. :P What I did not expect from our discussion was, he had finally made me cry. I can't remember exactly why, all I know is that I was talking about selfishness which I shouldn't do, I was so selfish, and that I was feeling guilty about it. He then assured me I wasn't, and asked me what's my purpose in accompanying him all these months that passed. At first, I couldn't explain verbally, so I asked him a paper that I may write it instead. After that, he had said something to me that made me finally burst out all of my feelings to him. Waaaa... I'm so embarrassed... XP
After a lot of confessions with each other, we decided to stay up more later. Heheh... :P so we went to SM San Lazaro and just let time pass us by. Although we only played for a couple of minutes in World of Fun, it was worth it because I was with him. After that, we only, well, just walked around the whole building and not really bothering the stalls around. Heheh... :) As we were about to go home, we noticed a crowd of people gathering up outside the movie theatre. That was when I realized it was the premiere night of 'Lovestruck'. ;) Waaa... I abruptly mentioned that I wanted to watch the movie, and a thought struck JRa. He then asked me if I'd like to watch the movie -- with him -- (ahem), and I said that don't have money today. Heheheh, we laughed when he also said he has none today. ^^ Well, anyway, we couldn't watch it either tomorrow, since he has P.E. classes in the afternoon, and I couldn't on Thursday because I wanted to attend the prayer meeting in CYA. ^^
So... why not on Friday? Yeah, we were both free at that time. Also, we could prepare for our money as well. :P So there it was, my would-be-first-real-date. ^^ I'm really excited! ^^
We went home at 18:30. Heheh, so late already! As usual, since my house was only 2 blocks away from the mall, JRa accopanied me home. But even if we were still inside the mall, he wouldn't take my hand away from him -- up until we're finally infront of my house! XP Waaa... he was really sweet. ^^
I was really happy today... God has given so many blessings, and therefore, I have to take care of them all, so as not to waste them. I love you, Father God! ^^
09.12.05 || A New Commitment
After two weeks without updating, I'm finally here again. So... yay! Heheh... :P Just a day ago until yesterday, I've had a retreat in Sta. Maria, Bulacan since I was invited by our professor in Theology to join the Christ Youth in Action retreat. There was I, don't know what to expect except one thing: to commit myself to Him. To fully give up my life for Him like Jesus Christ did. To serve Him through serving other people. To love Him always like He always love me. To never leave Him like He always never leaves me. I can't even describe wat I've felt yesterday. But all I know is... I am very, very happy that I can now say, I am finally committed to Him. ^^
As for the lessons I learned, I now know how it feels to love UNCONDITIONALLY. And that's what is actually happening in my life right now. I am loving person without expecting him to love me back. At first, it may seem hurtful and stupid, but... I realize, why do I have to deprive myself from loving that person, when in doing so, I am actually happy? Also... if I keep myself from loving him -- will I still feel happy?
Another thing is, that there is someone who is always there for you, who never leaves you yet you always leave Him, who loves you yet you always turn Him down, who cares for you deeply yet you always ignore Him, who always forgives your mistakes yet in times of trials it was Him whom you always throw all the curses... but even if you've done so many mistakes, so many sins, so many bad things in life, He is still there for you, ready to forgive you, ready to embrace you with open arms and will never turn you down. He always invites us, it was only us who always don't accept His invitation.
But... there is always a "hurry." And we must now act fast. We all know that any time, the spirit of death will carry our souls, and before it's too late -- we must accept Him TODAY -- not tomorrow, not next week, not soon nor later.
That was the time when I stood up and say, "Yes, God." Yes, I want to accept You. I want to be committed to You. I wanted to trust You. I wanted to love You.
After all, what have I got to lose?
When I have everything to gain. ^^ God bless!
09.01.05 || What is happiness?
I don't know.
All I know is... I feel happy whenever I'm with someone I like.
I feel happy whenever someone I like expresses his thoughts to me.
I feel happy whenever someone I like holds hands with me.
I feel happy whenever someone I like brushes my hair.
I feel happy whenever someone I like caresses my face.
I feel happy whenever someone I like embraces me.
I feel happy whenever someone I like kisses me.
I feel happy whenever someone I like also likes me.
You... what makes you happy?
|
