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08.28.05 | I didn't see it!
Waaahh, the one I've been waiting for over two years now... I still didn't see it! Oh well... oh yeah, you ask, what is it that I want to see?
It's Mars. Using my naked eye.
Waaah. Oh well, better luck next time. And anyway, even if I didn't get the chance to see it, ti wouldn't matter much in my life since I can always see the planet in books, internet, etc... -_-;
If you might know, it'll be my birthday on the 30th. So... woohoo for me *sarcastic*. The truth is, I'm not even excited anymore. -_-; I don't know why, but I think it's because I feel a little gloomy on what was happening in my life right now.
But don't worry, because never in my life would I ever commit suicide. Hehe.
Oh yeah, I've been out here for a while. And yet, so many things have happened -- which I can't recall all of them. But, out of all that happened, I just want to thank the One who is always there who guides me in every step that I take, even if sometimes I fail to follow them. I just want to thank the One who never leaves me, especially in times of trouble and pain. I just want to thank the One who blesses my every day abundantly, even if I do not deserve all of them. I want to thank the One who loves me, cares for me, accepts me for who I am, and is always there for me.
Thank you, Father God! I love you! ^^
08.25.05 | I'm so unlucky when...
...it comes to love. Sheesh, when can I find the right one? I know being impatient like this is not good, but why do I have to always fall for the wrong person?
First is Karu. I thought he truly likes me, but sooner it has faded, and now he's still longing for the girl he liked before. So, bad bad bad for me.
Next is Fayru. Oh, if only you would see us how we cling into each other! Our classmates always teases us that we look like we're lovers, but... the fact still remains that HE ALREADy HAS A GIRLFRIEND, and that HE IS LOYAL to her. Still, I can't understand why he always treats me as if I were his girl. Damn, he even hugged me while I was drunk and leaning to him during our acquaintance party! -_-;
I hate hate hate what is happening right now. I wanted to shut off this old and monotonous chapter of my life. I just hope that I could move on and learn to accept things and just move on. I want to be alone again, but Fayru just won't let me do it. Haaayy...
A new life. Yeah, I just remembered, whenever I'm lovesick, I would always cut my hair signifying a new beginning in my life. Maybe I'm just letting these unnecessary things happen to me. No. I won't stray anymore. I must go on. I must always remember my ultimate goal on why I am here in College. And it's definitely not to experience the lovey-dovey stuff. No, it's more than that.
08.25.05 | only five more days to go...
Oh well. So much events has passed, and still I am amazed everytime I get to reminisce the things that I've been before. ^^ I am very happy to meet my classmates in ICS, and I hope nobody would be debarded or will have a failing grade so that they won't be irregular in other classes.
Oh yeah, and I almost forgot to finish our quiz in ICS. Damn it, I can't figure out how to answer the question in binary and octal. Stupid me. Oh well. I'm going back to work now.
two self-made poems...
... and all dedicated to Karu. Anyway, the only news is that I no longer like that guy... also, I have a best friend in our class! ^^ And yeah, he's Fayru...
Anyway, here're the poems... pardon for those who can't understand them... ^^
TORPE
by ZERO HOUR/Me
Torpe...
masyado kang torpe!
Hindi mo ba maibuka ang iyong bibig?
Iparating mo ang iyong tinig
Ang mga salitang aking inaasam
Kailan mo ba sa'kin ipaaalam?
Huwag mo na sanang pahirapan
Ang paghihintay, di na makayanan
Hanggang kailan magtitiis?
Buti pa'ng pagong, mas mabilis
Hanggang kailan matitiyaga?
Inaabot na ng umaga
Ano ba'ng iyong ikinatatakot?
Bakit mga salita'y di maiabot?
O baka naman iyong nalimot
at di mo pa rin sinasagot?
Ang aking mga katanungan
Ano kaya ang kahahantungan?
Kapag ako ay nagsawa
baka magsisi ka...
Torpe!
Masyado kang torpe!
Sabi na nga Ba
by ZERO HOUR/Me
Sabi na nga ba, bakit pa kasi umasa
Ngayon tuloy ay pumapatak ang luha
Sana'y hindi na nakilala pa
Sana'y hindi ka na nakita pa
Sa laki ng ating mundo
Sa dinamidami pa ng tao
Bakit di ko mahanap-hanap
Ang taong bubuo ng aking puso?
Gabi-gabi'y ginugulo mo
Ang laman ng aking ulo
Gabi-gabi'y umiikot
ang mundo ko sa pangalan mo
Kailangan ko nang pigilan
Kailangan ko nang bitawan
Kailangan na kitang kalimutan
O ang puso'y di na muli mabubuksan
08.11.05 | I dreamed...
One night, I dreamed a nightmare.
I was walking along with someone familiar to me.
I noticed that someone was behind us.
The walking fastened, and soon, we were running.
We decided to go on our separate ways.
I rode off in a tricycle,
leaving that person behind.
The driver was familiar too,
but I couldn't remember his name.
We stopped infront of a gloomy house beside an empty lot.
I rushed into it,
frightened that we were still followed.
I forgot to give my payment.
When I knocked, a lady had opened it for me.
She had nicely greeted me and immediately closed the door.
I saw the person I was walking awhile ago with inside the house too.
Then, we secretly looked if there was still
someone following us.
A person with a black suit stood some yards
infront of the house, waiting.
I was frightened. Could it be the end?
Someone knocked. My heart rushed and palpitated..
Tension arose as the lady opened the door.
It was the driver.
I thought he was there for the payment.
I shrugged and went at the door
where he was waiting.
I slowly reached into my pocket and
was about to hand the payment.
"Take it," I said to him.
But, he just smiled at him.
Then... it was too late.
We heard a loud bang.
The person with black suit had fired a bullet onto us,
then left the vicinity.
To my horror,
the driver was killed.
I still haven't paid him back.
I've just awoken up a few hours ago. And that was my real dream. I felt like I really need some inspiration -- inspiration coming from God. I noticed how long I've been so 'evuhl' lately... and that I need to change that. I don't want to hurt other people anymore. I don't know myself lately. Waaaa, heck, I don't even know why I am doing it.
As for my interpretation, the familiar person was the people the I've met in my life. The lady who so kindly opened the door for me was my parents. The person in black suit was DEATH. The driver was Jesus Christ. He had saved me twice - first, by driving me off from sins, and second, by giving his own life. Th payment I haven't paid was my sins, which Jesus himself had paid by dying (on the cross).
Well, at least, that's what I thought for the moment. I'm going to study now. It's still our prelims tomorrow until Saturday. God bless. ^^
08.07.05 | Tee Hee.
I'm very happy today. Why? Because I've passed my report in Physics lab! That darn subject! >_<; Anyway, the report was very long, and it must be handwritten. I thought to myself, that I would just pass it on Tuesday next week. But because Lei-Lei, Pippu, and Fayru was there to help me, ahehehehe, yeah, I finished it.
But the one I would want to thank the most from the three is Fayru. Fayru again! Tee hee, wala lang, natutuwa ako sa kabaitan niya sakin. Paano kasi, sobrang sweet niya sa akin! Hahahahahah... Imagine, 2:00 pm ang end of classes namin, but he accompanied me at school until 5:00pm while I finish my darn report. Heheheh, at hinatid pa niya ako sa bahay namin! <3 <3 <3 ^_^
We're almost, like, boyfriend and girlfriend?!? Kasi naman, grabe kami kung magdikit! Hahahahahah... We're so comfortable with each other. Hindi katulad ng iba kong kaklaseng lalaki, hindi nga sila makahawak sa kamay ko eh! Pero si Fayru... grabe! Hawak sa kamay ko, hair ko, likod ko, shoulders ko... ^^ But like I wrote, it's almost. It's because he already has a girlfriend, and that I like... heheheh, Karu!!!
That's why Karu is very jealous of Fayru. Hahahahahah... Kasi naman eh, sobrang torpe!! Buwisit! >_< Maraming beses niyang tinangkang lapitan ako, pero di niya magawa kasi nga kasama ko si Fayru! :P Buti nga... hehehehe, joke.
Iyun nga lang ang kinaaasar ko sa kanya. Sa sobrang pagka-torpe niya, iniiwasan na niya ako. Hindi na niya ako tine-text (ata lang, kasi nasira ung phone ko eh! :P), saka hindi na kami nakakapag-usap sa klase! Buwisit! Bakit pa kasi niya sinabi na may crush siya sa akin kina Akari, Japa, at Renshi??? Ayan tuloy, hindi siya makalapit sa akin dahil pag nangyari iyon, sigurong magkakaroon ng issue tungkol sa aming dalawa sa klase at... natatakot ata niyang malaman ko na may gusto siya akin eh!
Argh talaga! Kasi naman, bakit pa kasi nasira ang peste kong cellphone??? Ayan tuloy, hindi ko tuloy alam kung sinu-sino ng demonyo (hehe, joke) ang mga nagte-text at tumatawag sa akin... @.@
Heheheh, prelims na pala namin sa Tuesday next week. Kailangan ko nang mag-aral. Hehehe, parang ngayon lang mag-aaral noh?? Hehehe, sige, hanggang dito na lang. :P
08.04.05 | Depressed.
Why does everyone feels so sad lately? I'm getting depressed too... like what Claude had done just this last Tuesday evening, when she attempted to commit suicide...
Then comes our never-ending financial problems that were brought up again today. I was very scared that I might drop out of school just because I don't have enough money to pay for my tuition fee. Why UST anyway??? My parents would just argue to me that the companies nowadays accepts first those who studied in prestigious schools, and UST is one of them. I'm not feeling well...
My mom said that she would somehow find a way to get the money. Then I thought she would be loaning her jewelries again just to pay for my tuition fee. Shem, I'm really getting depressed.
Another thing is that my grades are starting to get low. As in way too low for me to even have the recognition to be one of the Dean's Listers. Shem. Really shem.
But... no. I don't want to fail that dream. I will still pursue it not just because I promised that I would, but because I do care about my parents. They're the only ones who gives me hope in everything that is happening to me right now. Without them, I could never find a reason to study or to live better.
Claude. What is happening with you?? I was really shocked this morning when Ma'am Steph, our Guidance counselor had talked to me about Claude and suicide. You know what? Suicide is not the answer. Like what I've written in my previous entries, suicide is still an act of selfishness. When you commit suicide, you are just hurting yourself, and the people who cares for you, loves you. Just think about your friends. Or siblings and relatives. Or parents. But most of all, think about God. Think about how much He truly loves us and will never leaves us in times of hardships. Think about how much He cares for us, that He is our HOPE in the midst of pain and suffering.
Remember: GOD LOVES YOU. He is always there to give support when you cannot hold on anymore. He is always there to remove your tears. He is always there to heal your broken heart and build you a new one again. He is your hope.
To Claude: 'We still care for you. Please don't give up on us. We love you.'
Footprints in the Sand
Margaret Fishback Powers, 1964
One night I dreamed a dream.
I was walking along the beach with my Lord.
Across the dark sky flashed scenes from my life.
For each scene, I noticed two sets of footprints in the sand,
one belonging to me and one to my Lord.
When the last scene of my life shot before me
I looked back at the footprints in the sand.
There was only one set of footprints.
I realized that this was at the lowest and saddest times of my life.
This always bothered me and I questioned the Lord about my dilemma.
"Lord, You told me when I decided to follow You,
You would walk and talk with me all the way.
But I'm aware that during the most troublesome times of my life
there is only one set of footprints.
I just don't understand why,
when I need You most, You leave me."
He whispered, "My precious child,
I love you and will never leave you,
never, ever, during your trials and testings.
When you saw only one set of footprints,
It was then that I carried you."
08.02.05 | Hehew.
I like this day. I don't know why. But I feel so good today.
In continuing the investigation (from my previous entry), I have found the truth already. And I am really shocked.
Karu really has a crush on me.
Waaaahh!!! What's happening? Isn't it that he still, well, kinda like Jennifer Co?? Or, or, maybe the girl he used to like before?? Waaa, I still don't understand. Okay, let's compare. Yeah, sounds a bit bad.
Jennifer: very smart, has fair skin, cute, wealthy, nice, always smiling/cheerful.
Julie: very smart, has fair skin, pretty, bitch, don't-really-know-the-other-details.
Me: smart (I think), morena, dull (means not pretty!), not-a-bitch, bimbo (means NOT RICH), a misogamist (kinda), silent, and deadly (heheh).
So there ya go. Looks like Jen has more positive features, eh? That's also the reason why I like her. Oh yeah, by the way, Jen's my classmate, Julie's not (she's Karu's classmate before -- which is also the one Karu liked before), and me? I'm just an ordinary girl in the class -- nothing more.
So, why attached to a low-life earthling like me? It sounds really confusing.
Another thing is that he had said something to me before, like when he likes someone, he would be so TORPE to admit that he likes that someone. Or... that he would even start to turn away from her -- wait, "turn" is not the word. I can't explain it, really. I mean, in Filipino, "iiwasan niya yung babae, kasi nahihiya siya dun sa crush niya." XP
Hmmm... so yeah, still not satisfied nor convinced although the evidence says it all. I mean, he already said it! Haaayy, I don't know. Maybe I just wanted more of his attention to me... or maybe not. Really not sure about it.
As for me? Well, I can say at first that I was flattered, then my mind had suddenly twisted. I felt so confused and curious about it. As for the chapters, we'll see about it.
Sweet Nothings.
Waaa, am I that "obssessed" with women? Heheh, really, I like Jen so much. I wish I could get close to her someday sometime. Same with Tiffany/Issy. The two were really nice to me lately. I remember it was Issy who texted and informed me about what were discussed when I was sick and couldn't go to class anymore. Then, just this morning, Jen had given me 2 burned VCDs of the "Pirates of the Silicon Valley" wherein we have an assignment about our reaction to the movie. XP Kiyaaahh!! They're really adorable!!! XD
Thank you, Father God, for giving me such nice classmates (even if we're still not that close). Heheh, I'm starting to think that I'm a TOMBOY. Hmmm... like Akane, maybe? Hahahah.
Shocks, I really missed Ranma 1/2. Okay, I'm going back to work. ^^
Oh yeah, and last one, Hyde is so cool!!! He's from Dir en Grey, a J-rock band. ^^ Totemo bishounen desu!!!
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