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07.27.05 | Investigating
Why the title? Well, just yesterday, someone had told me something that REALLY BUGGED me... And it was really INCREDIBLE. Incredible, to the point that it was so UNBELIEVABLE. So because of its condition, I have yet to investigate.
Sounds unclear? Let me start with the line, "You are the APPLE OF KARU'S EYES." Fayru had whisphered it to me. Suddenly, my stomach grumbled... I think I'm just hungry, so I was getting delusional.
Huh?!?!?!?
'What the heck's happened to you??' I said to Fayru. 'You know that guy's enough for me to go ballistic, then you tell me that JOKE?? Heheh, but not funny.' I said to him because I really hate that guy and his attitude, then he's just joking it around.
But what shocked me (I said the word 'shocked' and not 'surprised' :P) was that he was saying it honestly. Okay... I then asked him how come he knew that 'news'. He said it came from Fred. Fred?? Okay, so I'm gonna ask Fred.
Fred had said to give the guy a 'chance' -- wait! It's not like that! I mean, I was just going to ask what had made him say that -- that disgusting, corny statement. He said, 'You know Riisha, it's really obvious. Even if he still didn't say it. But if soon enough he CONFESSES, give him a CHANCE.'
Fred, are you still on Earth???
Anyway, I won't believe it since they still don't have enough evidence to prove it. Heheh, well, maybe they've gotten it through just observing, and when I asked about it, I was correct. Fred had said that one of the several proofs "daw" was during our activity in Filipino, which I was unfortunately grouped with him. During our lifeless discussions (which I dare not to participate much BECAUSE OF HIM - and yeah, call me EVUHL), I think they'd notice him (okay, so I noticed it too) sitting very near me, and that I'm so annoyed because he kept on touching my shoes with his -- argh!
Okay! Okay! He also does it every Theology class, wherein I'm sitting infront of him, and that he keeps on tugging my chair for no reason at all -- he's really annoying! And so what if he does it? Is that enough proof to make them think that he has a crush on me?? Yuck! As in, YUCK!!!
How shallow. Oh yeah, I'm off-track with my investigation. Anyway, Fayru's A LOT MORE CLINGY to me (heheh... :P) than him! So why not US instead? Hmmm...
If I would compare Fayru to Karu, I'd say Fayru's better than that freak (hah!). *EVUHL* And what's more, people would really think more that Fayru's my boyfriend (even if we're really just CLOSE BUDDIES) because he's friendly, trustworthy, and a very caring friend. He's the one who's the first to worry about me when something wrong's happened. He always helps me in studying. He compliments me often, and cheers me up when I don't have trust in myself. When he physically contacts me, I don't know why I'm not alarmed or get nervous. I just feel comfortably with him. What's more, Fayru's way funnier than Karu. I seriously cannot imagine Karu getting 'that comical' since his aura's way serious and cold. ;P
Sadly, I can't really be Fayru's girlfriend since he already has one. Anyway, I don't have any intention to be anybody's girlfriend from the start! XP And yeah, we're just best buddies, like Don. Nothing more special.
When I'm with Karu, on the other hand, first I get IRRITATED. Then, I get annoyed. Then, if held on for too long, I might burst out, releasing all my anger. Man, I don't know why I soooo hate him. I just do. Well, maybe I got it from him, like he's releasing all the cold auras, and that I always get to absorb all of it. Phew.
Haaaaayy... the nerve of him, still! I should call him home today because we still need to reorganize our report in Filipino for tomorrow. So, okay, like it's my fault that your phone's prepaid?? What the... okay, temper control, you can do it, Riisha. You can just dial his phone number, greet him, discuss it then put the phone down. Finish. But... after that 25 minutes of "hell" in the phone with him, haaaaayyy... fine. We'll separate the report into two. -_-;
07.25.05 | Goodbye?
Maybe, for those who have been my friends outside my country. 'Coz I'll be changing my URL (heheh) to http://www.geocities.com/evuhldong. It's an English-Filipino mixed site... so I'm very sorry for those who don't understand Filipino.
You ask me, why write in pure English instead? Well, it's because sometimes, when I want to let out my feelings more, it is the time when I usually write it in Filipino. You see, nothing beats writing in your own language, because it would feel more honest. :P
Gulo ko bah?? :P
Again, thank you for everything. I'll be on hiatus here, then will soon re-direct sweet diary to evuhl dong (or the other way around -- whatever!) God bless... ^^
07.24.05 | Still Not Feeling Well
This would be another long entry.
Since Friday night, my stomach has not stopped aching. What's happening?? I've been defecating for more than 10 times yesterday, and it's still not getting any better. Hmmm...
I remembered the last time I post in here, I was talking about feeling better EMOTIONALLY and SPIRITUALLY, and my physical sickness was just starting to enter. Then, yesterday, it really attacked me so much.
I was crying yesterday because I really don't want to miss my subjects, but I AM REALLY NOT FEELING WELL. I am just FORCING myself to go to school because I am afraid of missing my Math subject, and not having the .25+ grade in Psychology. -_-; Sounds shallow? It may seem to you, but I really need to study "hard" because I promised to my parents that I would be in the Dean's List.
Yes, that simple, and ignorable promise. Like what I've said before, I've been having some difficulties in Math, and that it's either I would pass or not.
Well, anyway, I went to school yesterday, thinking I'd survive my classes. But, because I'm just walking from home to school, I was feeling dizzy when I finally got inside our classroom (which is located at the fourth floor of our building). Some of my classmates noticed that I'm not in the "mood" today. But I just said, "nothing." Though of course, I had told the truth to Lei-Lei, since she's the only one in class whom I can fully trust. I said that I have LBM since the other day, and from that it began to get worse. First, my stomach only hurts, but my headache soon follows, then my legs and whole body. In Filipino, it's called, "trangkaso." :P
In my first class, English, things were not getting any better. Because of the 2 stupid air-conditioners in our class, my body was shaking all the time. When Sir Panoy finally got out of our class, I also went out immediately (actually, I think I went out first :P). Then, I went to the C.R. to check myself. 'I'm okay, I'm just cold.'
So, I went back to class, and when I got inside, Ma'am Villegas was already there (though I hope I'm not yet late). Then, we had some seatwork (which was way too long for me to handle). The coldness still won't go away, so I asked Ma'am if she could let me go out for a few minutes since I'm really freezing inside, and she without any doubt, allowed me.
I practically stayed outside for 5 minutes. I think 5 minutes is enough for me to stay outside, and beyond that, I would be abusing my teacher.
But 5 minutes is not enough to wash away all the coldness I'm feeling.
I went inside again, and I still have to wait for another 25 minutes until class would be over for a while. Math would be next, which was the one I've dreading to miss.
But, after a span of 2 hours, yay! We have no Math today! I immediately went outside, forgetting my things inside the classroom. Then, I went in again, getting them. Lei-Lei accompanied me to the second floor. I don't know why she went inside the Dean's office though. Then, we started to take a break on one of the benches there. Fayru and Ashi had found us there, and talked to us for a few minutes (although Fayru stayed with us). In going down, Lei-Lei and Fayru brought my bag and books, and I am very grateful to have them as my friends who are so concerned about me. ^^
We stayed under the heat of the sun, since we really need it. :P I think Lei-Lei is sick yesterday too, but I'm much worse than her. As she hugged me, she felt that I'm so hot all over. Waaaah! My sickness had really worsened just because I had spent my two hours inside that "North Pole" room. Haaaaaayy...
Oh-oh. There's Karu again. Oh yeah, Karu's also the former Souchirou/Taning/Imp. Well, whatever. Heheheh... With the anings, he's Souichirou. With Fayru, he's Imp or Imp-kid. With Lei-Lei, he's Karu. At home, he's Taning. :P Whatever! I was getting more used to call him, "Karu" now, since it's the nearest name from him compared to the other names I've given. XD
Heheh. Lei-Lei started to count the times Karu's been looking at us (or me? XP). Heheh, we got up to... almost 20 times! Although she didn't actually finished it because Karu and the others had walked and gathered near to join us. Oh yeah, and about Fayru, he had gone with the others since I had asked him not to worry about me, and that I am "okay." Well, kinda.
Hmmm... why the heck is Karu with Jennifer Co??? So, he really likes girls with fair white skin, who "smiles" :P, who's got "brains," and that who's comfortable with him too. Really???
Heheh, but who cares. Oh yeah, I remembered Fayru saying when we were at the 2nd flr. of our building, "Siguro kulang ka lang sa lovelife." Heheh, sira! I'm not that DESPERATE to have one that I'm sick today! Puhlease! XP
Oh yeah, as I've recalled again, he's also the one who had said to me, "Study WELL, not study HARD." That's why I've highlighted the word "hard" above. I think what I've been doing to myself is really, really bad that my body is finally paying. True, even though I don't really realize it, that I AM STUDYING HARD. To the point that I haven't been eating properly (heck, I sometimes eat only during lunch, and then forget my breakfast and dinner). Then, most of the time, I haven't been sleeping properly too. Haaaayy, that's why! That's why my family friends are telling me to "take a rest" or "eat properly" or "have a life!"
-_-; I'm really that stupid to not realllize it.
Oh yeah, my story's not yet finished. :P Then, the "popular" group finally went outside the building and joined us as well (but only for a few minutes). Then, they went (with Karu) to the Lover's Lane and jammed there. Of course, I remained bathing under the sun with Lei-Lei, Rejii and Rikku. Then, Miko came. Argh! Siya na naman!??
Lei-Lei decided to go with Rikku and Rejii to play Naruto 2 since we still have another 2 hours to waste until the next class (which is, btw, Psychology). Miko, who is not really my classmate nor my acquaintance before, became VERY CONCERNED and even accompanied me in going home. Buti na lang, magka-class na sila, so he left me na rin in Laon-Laan Street. :P Really, he's feeling so comfortable with me na kaagad. Who the heck is he, anyway??? Well, I'm not interested with you even if you act so gentlemanly with me. All I know is that your name's Miko, you are from 1CS-C (I'm from 1CS-B), and that you're friends with Lei-Lei and Renshi. That's all!
Home. Still getting much worse. Okay, okay, I'm going to sleep. So I asked my siblings to wake me up 30 minutes before my class (which is 12:00nn). But... why can't I get up??? Waaaah, I'm so dizzy, my head is spinning...
11:45. Even though I didn't forget that the Anings would have a meeting today, I really cannot get up. They went over at our house. I forced myself to get on my feet while struggling to stand up. I went downstairs while grasping anything I could hold on so just not to fall carelessly. I greeted them at out doorstep since they wouldn't want to go inside. I've said to them my condition, and they wanted me to rest. Okay... I really wanted to rest, but I also don't want to miss Psy1. That stupid subject.
Anyway, they left to go to SM San Lazaro. 'Have a nice trip guys!' ^^ I was forced again to eat, which I couldn't really finish my plate, then drank some medicine. I went to sleep afterwards.
16:40. I woke up and is feeling better than before, though not fully. I mean, at least there's a little bit of improvement than none. I checked my messages and surprisingly, Tiffany, one of my classmates whom I seldom talk with much inside the classroom, had texted me, saying that we were only assigned to read Chapters 1 and 2 of Genesis in our Thy1 class. Philip also texted me that we have no Psy1 class because Sir Lito didn't come AGAIN. Maybe he's busy in CWTS/LTS.
07.23.05 | Hara ga itai desu!!!
I don't know why my stomach is suddenly aching... and it's been since... yesterday!!! I'm experiencing a hard time releasing the "shit" :P out of my stupid system... oh my, it's growling again!! And I've been in the bathroom for four times already! Please, Father God, make it stop!
I'm just updating this due to circumstances. First, the reason why I wrote "I want to die" is because I can't take so much pain that is happening in those days. But, because God made me realize how "I am important to other people," I re-thought about it, and realize that I was being much more selfish because I'm going to hurt other people once I've died... especially my family.
Direct or not... yes, my family needs ME. Since I'm the eldest in the family, when I would graduate in College, I will be the one to support them. But, when I would mutilate myself, it means I am just wasting my life -- in a way that after all those years of my parents taking care of me, I would just let myself die like that. No, it's not right, and no, it's totally unfair to them.
Another thing I want to clarify is that... at that time, I was totally writing in figures. Meaning, I can't mutilate myself. First of all, I DON'T LIKE SEEING BLOOD. :P Maybe Fefe would, but ~ heheh, joke!
Yes, you are right. That's why I would want to change my ways again. I want to be more responsible of my actions, and face whatever consequences it would be. My problem has now been cleared -- I now know that the REAL REASON is that I was totally frustrated in studying, wanting to be one of the Dean's Listers (that I promised before), but is totally freaking out in Maths. I don't know why that subject is SO HARD, but I just think that it needs more attention than the others. Okay! Even without consulting the guidance counselor (although one day I would), I've solved my own case!
Hmmm, and somehow, my prayer worked! My stomachache is starting to dissolve now! Woohoo! Praise God!
Friends, again, thank you for your support. Without God as my source of hope through you, I think I could never solved this dilemma. All right! Benkyoo to gambarimasu, Rosa-chan! ^^
Latter part... I just like to share this song (translated) from Naruto, "Alive." I really like the lyrics, so there ya go. God bless!
Alive
Everyone makes mistakes at times
It's not something embarrassing
Don't waste these scars
Keep on going laughing, and it'll all be good
That's right, breathe in a silent breath
Look to the vast sky, jump in
Take a break once in a while when it rains
Let the wind take the destination
All the regrets you carry
Can't let these scars go to waste
Carve an emblem into your arm, lets go as long as we love
That's right, from here on is the Show Time
Ah Like the past that lives in this fading polaroid picture
Just like the days we hung out
We searched for a place so we can sit in the sun
We fought every day like this The one step you gotta take for your desire
A real fight for yourself Let's sing this song forever in this place
Everyone makes mistakes at times
It's not something embarrassing
Don't waste these scars
Keep on going laughing, and it'll all be good
Morning dawn tells you the beginning Between the borders of dream and reality
What's Say until the day my voice dies away
keep on truckin' Another Day
All aboard ready to go Develop a single road yeah
Soon flowers bloom along the way And will spread its wing toward the future
Reality burdens real heavy but go for the top Like a No Culture
A monkey can only be a monkey Oh
One can only be himself Yo
Before you worry about tomorrow with your head down
Be what you wanna be today
Rebirth, today's a fine day I've got nothing to worry for
Reality leans heavy on me
And it's torturing me
Nothing comes easy
I know that well enough
Everyone makes mistakes at times
It's not something embarrassing
Don't waste these scars
Keep on going laughing, and it'll all be good
With all the regrets I've gone through
I'll be a person with taste
Even turn sadness into a wind
Keep on going strong, and it'll all be good
That's right, breathe in a silent breath
Look to the vast sky, jump in
Take a break once in a while when it rains
Let the wind take the destination
All the regrets you carry
Can't let these scars go to waste
Carve an emblem into your arm, lets go as long as we love
That's right, from here on is the Show Time
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