THE ALL-NEW ADVENTURES
OF STANLEY
THE STEAK KNIFE
by Paul Ewing

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THE ALL-NEW ADVENTURES OF STANLEY THE STEAK KNIFE is the exciting new series of misadventures of a steak knife that build up into an encyclopedia of information you can feed to your cat.

Actually THE ALL-NEW ADVENTURES OF STANLEY THE STEAK KNIFE is the story of an innocent steak knife and the trials and tribulations he faces as a piece of cutlery in the 1990's. Stanley has to cope with being told where to go, and also with his sometimes bossy partner, Sally the Sexy Salad Tongs. But Stanley and Sally are not the only utensils around, there is David the Dishmop and Jaded Judith the Juicer, and the mysterious Brenda the Buxom Blender...

The Adventures featured here are taken from the e-mail distribution of Stanley which lasted between April and November 1995. Shortly, there will be new stories emerging and you can sign up to these here (soon).

Anyway, sit back and relax, put the kettle on, and check your cutlery out in the stories below...

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Paul Ewing, December 1996 updated June 2001!

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The Raves about the page over the years:

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"YOUR PAGE MAKES ME LONG FOR THE DAYS OF THE ATARI 2600 WHEN BLOCKY PAC-MEN WAS THE WORST THING WE SAW ON THE SCREEN." - silly American

"It made me want to disembowel my cat... I didn't want him to have the adventures to himself!" - D. Buttock

"...It looks chaaaep" - famous Australian

"No this isn't the site, it must be the other one." - someone looking for the other site...

"Ooh this is right up my alley" - Michael Shepparton, famous internet critic and hairdresser.

"Oooh that's too much!" - someone who had enough

"Well, it wouldn't surprise me!" - Kate

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The all-new adventures of Stanley the Steak Knife - THE STORIES SO FAR...

• The first adventures of Stanley
• Stanley's first adventures with Sally
• Some silly adventures with Stanley
• The horrible drama of the kitchen renovations
• Stanley The Fugitive!
• The end of Stanley and Sally...

  Click on the Titles to get the awful stories!!

Introducing some of the characters in the series...

• Have a peek at SALLY THE SEXY SALAD TONGS
• See Stanley's friend in a lather; DAVID THE DISHMOP

The all-new adventures of Stanley the Steak Knife - THE INTERACTIVE / DO-IT-YOURSELF STORIES

If you didn't like what was in THE ALL-NEW ADVENTURES OF STANLEY THE STEAK KNIFE: The Collection, well here is the chance for you to make your very own! Here you have the chance to do a do-it-yourself Steak Knife story. Here you can decide what Stanley does, why he does it, who tells him where to go, and how the story ends, by choosing one of a series of given options.

• I want to engage in an adventure with a STEAK KNIFE!
• I want to engage in another adventure with a STEAK KNIFE!

The smashing mail that stanley gets (all true)!

THE ALL-NEW ADVENTURES OF STANLEY THE STEAK KNIFE from time to time gets some really smashing mail, and keeping it all anonymous here is some of the best!

• Click Here to look at Stanley's mailbox
• Click Here to look at MORE (YES MORE!!) from Stanley's mailbox

Et cetera....

Here are some other things about THE ALL-NEW ADVENTURES OF STANLEY THE STEAK KNIFE which are rather blunt and pointless.

Have you checked if you are a steak knife?

A lot of people, through no fault of their own, don't realise they are steak knives. Others refuse to admit it and stay locked away in the third drawer along after the kettle. If you are in doubt, or think that your serrated edge is a bit unusual, why not take the STEAK KNIFE TEST?

The STEAK KNIFE TEST is a simple and painless way to find out if you are a kitchen utensil of such standing.

YES!...I'll take THE STEAK KNIFE TEST!
BLEAAAAH!... I want to complain!

Mail Stanley

Now that Stanley does not get out much these days, he really likes to get a lot of mail. Unfortunately, no one usually writes to him. But YOU can. So why don't you? Hm?

Write a nice long letter (or a short one) to Stanley.

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AND AS FOR THE COUNTER...
loonies have been here since 17 June 2001 when this counter was resurrected!

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The Pinch John Howard page is an exciting page for Australia politics. Never before can you the average voter get so close to your elected leader and give him something to make him raise those eyebrows!

Paul Ewing June 2001