The Steak Knife Test.

Question Two:
You enjoy steak because:
A) It tastes great
B) you get immense satisfaction tearing through cooked flesh
C) it is usually served with chips or peeled potatoes
D) There is usually a garden salad nearby
Vegetarians please look away for this question

Question Three:
At the dinner table, the worst thing that could happen to you is:
A) you choke, flatulate, start to talk about your work,
B) find yourself being too blunt,
C) The potatoes are baked and served in their skins,
D) The Salad is already served in individual bowls or not at all!

Question Four:
The worst thing about washing up is:
A) Having to do it all by yourself,
B) Having David the Dishmop rub up your serrated edge a few too many times,
C) Being in such hot sudsy water,
D) Having that glorious feeling of lettuce and olive oil covering your body washed off

Question Five:
When you go to bed:
A) You fall asleep on your comfy mattress, with your better half (or someone else's) beside you,
B) You are put in the third drawer along after the kettle, with big meat cleavers beside you,
C) You are thrown in the cupboard with other implements beside you,
D) You are put away with a cute melon baller beside you.

Question Six:
When you wake up the next morning and look in the mirror:
A) You see a slightly tired person with a bad case of bed hair and in need of one's morning coffee,
B) You see a handle with a blade attached, one side serrated and curving up to a point to meet the other side,
C) You see an unusual and small implement with a twin blade function that can peel potatoes with ease,
D) You see two very sexy curved arms that have teeth at the top, held together with a metal catch to stop you from spreading.

Give yourself 1 point for each answer to question A,
Give yourself 20 points for each answer to question B,
Give yourself 100 points for each answer to question C,
Give yourself 50 points for each answer to question D.
And also!
Give yourself an extra 50 points if you were pulled out of a drawer or cupboard while you were taking this test, and give yourself a further 1000 points if you can't add your points up.

If you scored between

5-49:
You are definitely human, but a very silly one for taking such a silly little test. Now run along, and be glad nobody saw you doing this.

50-100:
You are human, but you are absolutely out of your tiny mind. You are a supreme nut, champion of the loonies, and proud of it. You may also yearn to be a utensil, but alas, you just couldn't cut it.

101-199
Congratulations! You are a steak knife, and I dare say quite proud of yourself, particularly if you scored below 150. Never you mind about your serrated edge and head that comes to a point! No! You are at the cutting edge and all that stuff. If you scored closer to 199, well I think you have a bit of work to go, but coming out of the drawer more often might help. Just make sure there are no dishmops around...

200-249
You certainly are an odd little utensil. You don't know what you are. I think you need help.

250-399
Well hello there! You are NOT a steak knife, but you are a sexy pair of salad tongs. But watch yourself! Although you may like to cover your body with tossed lettuce, some types just don't go well with you (steer clear of the Cos if it looks like it is in a bad mood)!

400-550
See 200 to 249, althought tack the word "urgent" to it

Over 550
You are a potato peeler. Bleaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhh!!!! Get out of here you filthy disgusting vermin! Your type make me sick!

Well there you have the STEAK KNIFE TEST. I hope that cleared a few things up for you then!
Bye for now!
Paul, Psychiatrist to the Steak Knives.
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