THE ALL-NEW ADVENTURES OF STANLEY THE STEAK KNIFE: THE BEGINNING...

Stanley Goes Down The Street

Stanley the Steak Knife lived in the kitchen, third drawer along after the kettle. Stanley hated humans, because they were so hard to maim.

One day, Stanley was walking down the street, when a big fat lady walked up to him and shouted, "Steak knives don't walk down the street!"

So Stanley, feeling a little deaf, went home.

THE END

Stanley Goes to the Exhibition

Stanley the Steak Knife lived in the kitchen, under the fridge because he was dropped there one day. He hated humans because they were so hard to maim

One day, Stanley was at an exhibition of the complete Sixteenth Century Renaissance Man when the big fat curator walked up to him and said, "Excuse me, but steak knives don't go to exhibitions of the complete Sixteenth Century Renaissance Man."

So Stanley, feeling dejected, but in awe of the man's lovely speaking voice, went home.

THE END

Stanley Goes to the Cosmic Skydome (and not the Planetarium)

Stanley the Steak Knife lived in the sink, because he was being cleaned at the time. Stanley the Steak Knife hated humans, because they were so hard to maim, but he liked to have a swim with David the Dishmop.

One day, Stanley was observing a high resolution image of Comet P/Macholz 2 at the local Cosmic Skydome, when a huge lady walked up to him and shouted, "Steak knives don't observe high resolution images of Comet P/Macholz 2 at local Cosmic Skydomes!"

So Stanley, feeling a little deaf, went home.

THE END

All Stories by Paul Ewing 1995 Return to the home page

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