Stanley the Steak Knife lived in the cutlery tray, which was not in the drawer three along after the sink because it had its own dividers so the tray would not fit. It is not really important, but the inside of the draw was covered with a self-adhesive plastic covering that had a smashing polka-dot pattern on it. Stanley hated humans, because they were so hard to maim.
One day, Stanley was visiting the holder which had all the salad utensils in it, and he quite enjoyed rubbing up against a very sexy pair of salad tongs. Unfortunately, a big fat lady went up to him and shouted, "Steak knives don't go in the holder with all the salad utensils and rub up against a sexy pair of salad tongs!"
So Stanley, feeling a little deaf, went home.
THE END.
Stanley the Steak Knife lived in the cistern, because he was being used to hold up some very shoddy workmanship Plumber Bob did the other day. Stanley hated humans, because they were so hard to maim, and plumbers because they did weird things with steak knives.
One day, Stanley was at the beach enjoying a tossed salad with Sally the Sexy Salad Tongs, when a large man with an unpleasant disposition walked up to Stanley and shouted, "Steak knives don't enjoy a tossed salad at the beach with Sally the Sexy Salad Tongs!"
So Stanley, feeling a little deaf, went to stab the man! He couldn't - it was too hard! Oh the shame! Why did he do that? A very red steak knife went home that day...
THE END.
All Stories by Paul Ewing 1995
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