Stanley the Steak Knife lived in the bottom of the lake, because they never thought the police would find the murder weapon there. He hated humans, because they were so hard to maim.
One day, Stanley was at the local video store, hoping to purchase an ex-rental copy of David Lean's final epic, "A Passage To India", when the tall weedy man behind the counter shouted, "Steak knives don't purchase ex-rental copies of David Lean's final epic A Passage To India!"
So Stanley, feeling a little deaf, went home.
THE END.
Stanley the Steak Knife lived in the fridge, because he was being used to cut a delicious lemon meringue pie, which just had the right amount of meringue on it, because it wasn't one of those crappy ones from the supermarket. Stanley hated humans, because they were so hard to maim, and made him all sticky.
One day, Stanley was at the local library reading the fascinating second volume of Leon Trotsky's "Moia Zhizn Opyt Avtobiografii," when a tall weedy Stalinist with a beanie on his head (which looked like a teapot cosy) came up to him and whispered very loudly, "Steak knives don't read the not-so fascinating second volume of Leon Trotsky's Moia Zhizn Opyt Avtobiografii!"
So Stanley, feeling a little deaf, went home.
THE END.
All Stories by Paul Ewing 1995
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