| "We're Here for Your Own Good" |
| The citizens of Pistrix are, as a whole, a just and righteous people. We strive for the perfection of our people through honesty, chastity, worship and obedience. But there are some in our great country who choose to defy the rule of law. These are the delinquent, the degenerate, and the sinister. They seek to impurify our noble ways with their nonconformity and dissent. Our very way of life is in serious jeopardy. Fortunately, our magnificent and humble Lord Jebus has seen fit to allow us to protect ourselves from this scourge. |
| The Pistrix Investigative and Betterment Bureau is here to serve the greater good, and to enforce the laws of the land. Our agents are of the purest of hearts and deepest of convictions, and have the superior training and reasoning skills to combat the villainous rouges and dissidents who mean to degrade our society into the depths of anarchy. Our cause is just, our power is supreme, and we will pervail against the evil forces that intend to bring forth our downfall. May Jebus shine the light of justice upon our beloved Pistrix. -PIBB Chief, Cyrus Hornswaggle |
| The PIBB 3 Most Wanted List |
| NAME: Rollo Zamboni CHARGES: subversion, treason, disloyalty, unauthorized destruction of public works LAST SEEN: Itaxudri DESCRIPTION: A high-ranking bureaucrat during the imperial regime, Zamboni escaped persecution after the war and staged the elaborate destruction of the Bol Bascus water supply by linking fresh water pipes with sewage lines. A terrorist of the first order, he continues to try to rally support for the old government where he can, and commits nusance strikes on sewer and sanitation systems wherever he goes. It is believed that Zamboni wishes to reinstall the surviving Emperor Kiskusk, who remains exiled on the Isle of Jest, to the throne of Pistrix. He is known to carry dozens of sparrows inside his sachel, which he likes to use as a diversion when he is close to capture. He is also known to drive a silver 1498 Deluxicon OmniCar, and frequents fine resteraunts all over Pistrix. As this car is much faster than police vehicles, he continues to outrun the long arm of the law. |
| NAME: Kristen Holliday CHARGES: plagerism, evading capture, noncompliance with police procedures, subversion LAST SEEN: Port Allegro DESCRIPTION: Holliday has evaded capture on numerous occasions over the past two years for her original crime of plagerism. Her inability to follow police arrest procedures and surrender to authorities at the designated precinct operating hours has allowed her to narrowly escape the grasp of the law on several occasions. After being released two years ago because she could not pay her cell rental, Holliday left her hometown of Brianton before her trial could begin. After learning that she was considered a fugitive for this, Holliday claims that she immediately went to the nearest police station in Darkwill, which was closed for the evening. In Itaxudri, she failed to fill out the proper surrender papers, and had to be released for noncompliance. Her gross negligence in adhering to arrest proceduers has led to her inability to properly surrender to authorities, and evades the word of law behind a wall of ignorance. |
| NAME: Eli Habiscus CHARGES: subversion, sedition, oppositional tendencies, and other thought crimes LAST SEEN: Anorak (1137 Embassy Way) DESCRIPTION: Habiscus has been on a rampage of terror and dissent since the election of Supreme Chancellor Campbell. Advocating anarchism and anti-establishment policies, he is massing the secret underground army that we do not yet have eveidence exists. A member of the excessively wrong political action lobby, "People of Killing Chancellor Campbell", Habiscus continues to corrupt the Pistran way of life through subversive lies and the tragic twisting of unfortunate truths to the listening public. Unfortunately, he has evaded arrest due to the technicality that his crimes are not illegal at this time. Still, we are obligated to caution any heroic patriot willing to take the law into their own hands, and dispense the supreme justice of Pistrix's wrath upon Eli Habiscus, will probably have to be prosecuted to some extent, although nobody can tell what the future holds... |
| Arrests made by PIBB Agents: |
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| Cyrus Hornswaggle, PIBB Chief |
