Top Ten Reasons to watch Xena
10. There's nothing better to watch
9. To find out what color Gab's hair is today
8. Because of it's deep and thoughtful plot line ;)
7. Argo, cause we all adore Argo!
6. Fight scenes
5. The power...
4. The passion...
3. The danger
2. To watch girls kick ass!
1. Did I mention Argo?

Top Ten Relationships that aren't going to Happen
10. Xena and Dayhak
9. Gabrielle and Dayhak (hey, wait a min...)
8. Eve and Hope
7. Gabrielle and her urn of ashes
6. Draco and Gabrielle
5. Xena and Zeus (Not that he isn't trying...)
4. Ares and Aphrodite (That relationsip would only be legal in Alabama)
3. Joxer and Xena
2. Xena and Argo
1. Anyone and Argo (with the exception of Zeus, but somehow I don't think Argo would be interested)

Gabrielle's Top Ten Skills
10. Hair-dying
9. Whacking Joxer
8. Selective hearing (You know when Xena tells her to stay there)
7. Curling her blonde hair around her finger (Wait that's from Dite's list)
6. Talking
5. Whacking sexist pigs with her staff
4. And talking...
3. Gathering a following of drooling men
2. Did I mention Talking?
1. Let's just say it involves Xena and leave it at that ;)

Xena's Top Ten Skills
10. Yi-Yi-Yi-Yi!
9. Cutting off the blood flow to peoples' brains, especially sexist males
8. Fishing
7. Chakrum throwng!
6. Fighting
5. Saving her Bard, over and over...
4. And fighting...
3. Defieing gravity
2. Did I mention Fighting?
1. Let's just say it involves Gabrielle and leave it at that ;)

Xena's Top Ten Rejected Sidekicks
10. Betsy the Hell Bovine (And no you don't want to know what I'm on, trust me)
9. Ephiny, too perky
8. Aphrodite, too prissy
7. Minya, too copycating
6. Auto, too busy with his job
5. Alti, too evil
4. Marcus, too dead
3. You know, I just realized, people where not meant to write top ten lists really late at night
2. Callisto, too intent on killing her
1. Joxer, do you really need an explanation?

Top Ten rejected Episodes
10. A Horse on A Different Color- Argo's hair is enchanted to go through rainbow colors... and next week:
9. A Bard of a Different Color- See above
8. Same old, Same old- Xena saves Gab, Next...
7. Beauty and Love- Aphrodite tries to choose Gab as her chosen, but Gab says no so Dite makes it so every man falls in Love with Gab. Explains alot, huh?
6. In honor of weird Xenite traditions of unknown origin (most likely laziness) this spot been left blank
5. Gab's New Outfit- Gab gets a new fur top, Xena spends the entire time petting it (Or more accuratly, petting Gab...)
4. Bard... Princess... Tramp- Gabrielle discovers her exact doubles and Joxer gets a new girlfriend who looks like Gab, but unlike Gab, actually likes him!
3. Drum Roll Please- No plot in this episode, just the writers seeing how often they can get Gab and Xena wet and put in as much special effects as possible
2. The Wizard of Greece- Wizard of Oz parody with Gab as The Good Witch, Argo as Toto, Xena as Dorthy, Alti as Evil Witch, Joxer as tinman, scarecrow and lion (If only he had a brain, heart and courage!)
1. A Horse's Life- Argo's tale of her evil, then how she turned to good, and how she and Xena got together (Don't I wish?)

Top Ten Changes on XWP if Xena was Egyptian
10. Argo would be a camel
9. Ares, Dite, etc changed to respective Egyptian gods (whoever they are)
8. Fanfics making Xena the Pharoah
7. Everyone has a great tan
6. Auto's greatest feat: Stealing the Sphinx
5. Gab's BGSB changed to NBSB (Nile Brown Sports Bra)
4. Gold earings on everyone!
3. Eve's message: Worship Bastet (the cat goddess, ya!)
2. Gab's New hair-do: Hair Beads!
1. Xena does flippy-jumps down side of pyramid

Top Five rejected Opening Sayings
5. In a time of ancient thieves, liars, and cheats
A land in turmoil cried out for a lawyer
She was Xena, a mighty cynic forged in the heat of the courts.
The briefcase, the documents, the determination
Her courage will change the world, or at least get some people large settlements.

4. In a time of ancient gods, warlords and kings.
A land in turmoil cried out for a tramp.
She was Xena a mighty "entertainer" forged in the heat after battle.
The leather, the passion, the legs
Her courage will change the profession.

3. In a time of male sexist pigs.
A land in turmoil cried out for a femminist.
She was Xena, a mighty princess forged in the heat of battle.
The free-thinking, the passion, the kick-ass power
Her and Gab's love will change the world.

2. In a time of ancient storylines and bad plots among other things.
A land in turmoil cried out for quality programming.
It was XWP, a mighty show forged in the heat of bad realiy shows.
The lines, the singing, the originality,
Their courage will change the world, or at least one hour of TV.

1. In a time of ancient cows, chickens and pigs.
A land in turmoil cried out for a milkmaid.
She was Xena, a mighty farmer's daughter forged in the heat of tending livestock.
The boriness, the mooing, the production of food,
Her occupation will feed the world.

Top Ten Reasons Xena wears Black
10. To show that while she may have have went good, she can still kick ass!
9. To accent her blue eyes
8. The whole ying-yang, her to Gab, good/evil thing
7. Blood stains don't show as well
6. Goes with the whole "Bad Girl gone Good but stills like fighting" look
5. Number 5 got lost in the nether regions of my mind, is presumed dead
4. The Producers Said So!
3. What character who was once evil doesn't wear black?
2. So she can do the old "I'm just pretending to be good so tell me all your plans" trick on the evil warlords
1. Mysterious does no include Neon-Green Tank tops and Pink skirts!

Top Ten Laws of the Xenaverse
10. That which goes up must come down... eventually
9. Time is flexible, ie. those "30 second" pinches
8. The less clothes you are wearing the more protected you are, I mean how may hits has Gab taken?
7. Gods might be all powerful, however, they don't stand a chance against Xena
6. No matter where Gab and Xena stop, there's always a lake, river, or hot spring
5. Chakrums can cut through anything
4. Weapons appear when need in fights
3. The more people in a group attacking Xena, the worse their aim
2. Xena will always triumph, it's her show
1. Death is temporary

Top Ten rejected jobs for Xena on XWP
10. Princess...
9. Priestess...
8. Tramp.
7. Bartender (Hehe, can't you see her using the pinch on people who "pinch" Gab?)
6. Emperess, well, she did have that one stint with Ceaser...
5. Goddess (Oh wait, this wasn't a rejected one according to New Gab)
4. Beauty Contestent (I don't think I could stand seeing her blonde everday...)
3. Thief, hehe Xena: Warrior Kleptomaniac
2. In observance on Irrelevant Acts of Senselessness Day(IAS), this has been left blank
1. Milkmaid!

Top Ten rejected One-Liners
10. Argo: Get a Room!
9. Auto: I swear, I'm just borrowing it!
8. Ephiny: Will you guys cut it with the Eponin-Ephiny jokes!
7. Calisto: For the last time, I don't need a psychiatrist!
6. Calisto burnt number six in retaliation for number 7...
5. Ahprodite: I am just, like, too cute! (smiles at self in mirror)
4. Eve: Worship Eli, be good... No Calisto, Not the Flame torch! Ahhhhhh....
3. Gabrielle: Why did I do to deserve having my Outfit shrink?
2. Joxer (while oogling Gab): Just answered prays... (Then Gab whacks him)
1. (While tossing the Chakrum) Xena: Round and Round it goes, where it stops no one knows! Except of course, for me...

Top Ten Reasons Gab's Outfit Keeps Shrinking
10. To attract Male audiences
9. And Xena
8. To show off her Abs
7. Tobias ate some of it
6. I could tell you number 6, but then I'd have to kill you
5. It wasn't pre-shrunk, and they do spend alot of time wet
4. Because Gab loves it when Xena oogles her
3. ~Shrugs~ Because it gets hot in New Zealand?
2. To show her progression from Kid to Sidekick to Sex-Symbol
1. Did I mention to get Xena's attention?

Top Ten Excuses Auto gives when he gets Caught
10. The King of Thieves gets caught!?
9. I was just going to 'borrow' it...
8. I'm crazy you know, I hear voices in my head
7. 7 is lucky, Auto does't need an excuse if he's lucky
6. I don't suppose you could tell me where the restroom is?
5. So, there isn't a party going on here? That's odd, I could swear this was the place...
4. Hello, I'm your long-lost second cousin
3. Don't come any closer! I have a muffin and I know how to use it!
2. You see, I'm possessed by the spirit of a friend who wants me to get something for her to bring her back to life
1. Just testing security...

Top Ten Reasons Gab's Hair changes Colors
10. Two Words: Writer's block
9. Admit it, how many of us would watch if we didn't have the suspense of wondering what Gab's hair color is today?
8. The voices told her to dye it
7. Face it, Red/Blonde/Strawberry-Blonde/Really-Blonde's just have more fun...
6. The hole in the ozone, yep, it's always the hole in the ozone
5. For the same reason they killed Xena off, there is none
4. Xena: "You know Gabrielle, I think strawberry-blondes are really cute..."
3. Followed by, Xena: "On second thought, platinam blondes are also pretty cute.."
2. And finally, Xena: "You know, variety is the spice of life."
1. Just so I could make jokes about it, and yes the world does revolve around me...

Top Ten Things They're Really Chanting in the Opening
10. Come see Xena and her Lass kick some major ass...
9. They say quack in every language
8. It's the subtext, all about the subtext
7. All worship the Destroyer of Nations...
6. The show is really about Argo, go Argo!
5. We hate Tapert, die Tapert, die...
4. It's actually swedish for cereal
3. She came, she saw, she conquered.
2. They're isn't anyone chanting in the introduction, this is just a further sign of the voices gainging control of Zeplerfer
1. We got in Xena's way, So she made us slaves to sing her praise, trust us, making Xena mad never pays...

Top Ten Tips for Staying Alive in Any Given Episode
10. Never fight Xena
9. Don't touch the bard
8. Don't even think of touching the bard
7. Don't fall in love with the bard
6. As soon as you see Xena coming, run away
5. Always give her the info as fast as possible if she puts the pinch on you
4. Don't get between Xena and her bard
3. Don't insult the gods to their faces
2. Always beware Romans (especially if they're carrying gifts...)
1. Keep up the bribes to the producers

Top Ten Comments Xenites Make While Watching Any Given Episode
10. Kiss her Gabby! (When Xena is hurt)
9. Kiss her Gabby! (Even when she isn't...)
8. Why don't the just kill of Eve? I'm sick of her preaching
7. Uh Xena, it's been more then 30 seconds...
6. You killed off Xena... AGAIN?
5. Gee, Xena's dead, this is like sooo permanent...
4. Where are all the smart evil people?
3. You kidnapped Gab... AGAIN?
2. These producers have like, no creativity...
1. Where was the sub in that subtext?

Top Ten Things I Loved Most about XWP
10. The theme song, been a couple days since I last watched Xena and I still have it stuck in my head
9. All of the alternate universes in the Xenaverse, they were just plain cool
8. The Fight Scenes!
7. The way it used various myths in the story lines, but yet also somehow gave them its own individual flavor
6. How it starred two women who were independent and brave
5. The Amazons, kickass female warriors, yay!
4. All of the music, especially the Bitter Suite
3. The way it went deep and showed 3 different sides to blondes, the ditzy Dite, the catty Callisto, and the Great Gab (And it didn't have any blonde jokes either!)
2. The Chakram
1. Argo! (You thought I could have a list without Argo in it? As if...)

And since you can't have yin without yang, day without night, Gab without Xena (Wait... strike that), I also made:

Top Ten Things I Hated Most about XWP
(Through the use of much willpower I'll refrain from naming people since that'd only be boring and get me hate mail)
10. Lack of continuity
9. Gab's eyebrows, would it have killed them to get them to be the same color as her hair?
8. Season Five (Hey, I never said I wouldn't name *seasons*)
7. The fact that Xena and Gab never admitted their relationship (Guess denial is not just a river in Eygpt)
6. All of Gab's red-shirts, they make you think she's just a black widow or something
5. Use of time travel as a plot device
4. All the time it spent on the "God of Love" and the whole Eli/Eve thing
3. The Twilight of the Gods (I hate this one so much it got its *own* top ten list)
2. Any scene without Argo unless it's a fight scene
1. The fact that it's over!!!

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