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Everything I Ever Needed to Know I Learned From XWP

  1. Death is temporary
  2. Blondes do have more fun, and they live longer too
  3. Why be just the sidekick or love interest when you can be both?
  4. All good things come to an end, usually through violent means
  5. Love is something that will get you killed
  6. Making declerations of love will means you'll be killed soon
  7. A hole in the head is better then a hole where your head should be
  8. Never trust gods
  9. Never trust people in leather
  10. Especially, never trust gods in leather
  11. Always tell your current "friend" about past "friends" or at least make sure they are dead and avenged
  12. Vengence is a pain in the ass
  13. Getting killed is a pain in the ass
  14. Beware the Ides of March
  15. A chakram throw with less then 5 bounces is not a chakram throw
  16. A straight path is best, but very fast and very deadly riccochets are a close second
  17. Friends come and go but enemies return form the grave
  18. Always trust your horse
  19. Breastplates can withstand a nuke
  20. The less you wear the more protected you are
  21. Do not feed the bunnies
  22. Do not mock the vicious bunnies
  23. Never eat anything Joxer made
  24. Just because someone wants to kill you doesn't mean they don't love you
  25. In fact, if someone wants to kill you they're probably very in love with you
  26. Horses love apples
  27. Even ancient greeks had lipstick
  28. The best way to kill those you love is to kiss them
  29. If someone looks like a crazed maniac and acts like a crazed maniac they'll probably turn good in the end
  30. Afterlife? Which afterlife?
  31. A good bad-guy is worth ten bad good-guys
  32. Gabrielle is not a sidekick! She is a co-hero
  33. Bad poetry is a terrible weapon of mass destruction
  34. Thirty seconds varies in length
  35. The law of gravity bends, alot
  36. Never insult Gab, NewGab will get very pissy
  37. All gods are crazy
  38. Gods are like spoiled kids with lots of power
  39. TPTB are even crazier and more powerful then the gods
  40. It's her show and she'll do what she wants to...
  41. Everyone has several look-alikes out there who, if not evil, are at least very different from the original
  42. Parents should always outlive their offspring (in the case of Eve and Xena)
  43. Ying-Yangs look good anywhere
  44. Villians come and go, but then they return to annoy you again
  45. Hell hath no fury like Pregnant Xena
  46. You can never have too many alternate universes!
  47. You always kill/scalp/maim the one you love
  48. Do not mock the gods, for they are very prone to anger management problems
  49. They kidnapped Gabrielle AGAIN?!
  50. Crufixes are nice and scary, but big flaming holes to hell are better
  51. You can never have too many outfits ;)
  52. Just because you're a dangerous warlord, doesn't mean you can't make a loving mother
  53. Beware he who wears a red-shirt
  54. Everything can be redeemed
  55. Well, everything but that one thing Salemonious sold you, he's never gonna give you a refund
  56. Always send a woman to do a man's job, they'll do it better, faster, and in half the time
  57. Crazy Maniacs + Godly Powers = RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!
  58. You can break the law of gravity, but Murphy's Law still applies
  59. It's a bad sign when your kitchen pots & pans and your armor are indistinguishable
  60. Subtext = Maintext
  61. The Fates make good plot devices
  62. Don't try to mess with Fate, it never works
  63. A bored god is never a good thing
  64. Neither is an amourous god
  65. Everyone writes letters to their best friends and signs them with a kiss. It is not the sign of some sort of relationship.
  66. Everyone also kisses their friends... on the lips.
  67. Duh. (Ok, not exactly a thing I learned, but it just has so many uses.)
  68. Just because someone is blonde (Gabby!) doesn't mean they're a ditz. It just means they use hair dye :)
  69. You can never have too many 'likes' in a sentence. (Guess which goddess I, like, learned this from...)
  70. Always side with the person the show is named after, that way you might live through the episode!
  71. Avoid large gaping holes, they always lead to bad places
  72. Especially the ones with pits of fire inside them
  73. Some warlords can kill people with their bad breath alone
  74. Warlords don't have to bathe, I mean they're going to get killed next episode anyways, what's the point?
  75. Always borrow money from people right before a battle. Not only will you be more likely to survive so you can pay it back, but even if you don't it won't matter.
  76. Even the toughest armies in the world fall before the might of Xena
  77. Somehow an entire army can attack a person and still fight them one on one
  78. When you kill the leader of an army the entire army will immediately become a demoralized mass of people who couldn't fight to save their lives
  79. Chakrams are not the best tools for hair-cuts
  80. You could climb your way to the top, or you could just do a 'Incredible Gravity-Defying Xena Flip' to get there
  81. Violence might not be the answer, but it usually gets rid of the question (or at least the person asking the question)
  82. Knocking heads about is a good way to get people to see your point
  83. Variety is the spice of life: One day blonde, next day red-head
  84. Sometimes what drives people evil isn't childhood trauma, but having bad-hair days everyday (Case in point: Evil Xena)
  85. Revenge doesn't make you feel better, but it does get you cool lines ("What a lovely day for a blood-bath")
  86. Don't try to kill the main characters; it doesn't work unless it's the season finale.
  87. Being evil doesn't pay, you either get converted or dead in the end
  88. Anything can be a weapon, especially fish
  89. When in doubt, ask What Would Xena Do?
  90. When looking to cause havoc and destruction ask "What Would EVIL Xena Do?"
  91. Imortality can be boring, make sure to have some mortals to toy with, they can be quite amusing
  92. Sometimes it's better if villians aren't redeemed (Watching 'Sweet Angel Callisto' is enough to make me puke)
  93. Rome might not have been built in a day, but it could be destroyed in one!
  94. New Zealand exists (Yep, learned this from Xena, I mean I am American, I barely know where Canada is, and that's pretty good for an American)
  95. New Zealand is GREEN (Ok, that's another one of those trivial bits I bet I'll never need to know, but I certianly learned it from Xena)
  96. No matter what the history books say, Greece and Rome existed at the same time in the same place, afterall, TPTB are always historically accurate
  97. Gods are easy to summon, just yell their name
  98. Or, give birth to a child that is their doom, that certainly gets their attention
  99. What evil goat?
  100. Help yourself because the Greek Gods sure as hell aren't going to help you
  101. All's fair in love and war, but Xena will still come and kick your ass if you don't play by her rules (see #40)
  102. Fortune favors the hero
  103. The producers favor the outcome that causes the maximum angst
  104. Always look on the bright side of Xena (you don't want to look at her dark side, it's scary)
  105. Every chakram has a silver lining
  106. Appearances are deceiving, that's what comes from having three identical twins running around
  107. Playing with fire is extremely fun *and* dangerous, which makes it even more fun!
  108. What plotholes?
  109. If you can't say something witty don't say anything at all
  110. We'll always have the reruns
  111. A half a loaf of nutbread is better than none at all
  112. A horse is a gal's best friend (other than her best friend of course)
  113. An apple is a horse's best friend
  114. You can't eat your nutbread and still have it too
  115. But for awhile you can still *think* you have your nutbread
  116. Vanity, thy name is Aphrodite
  117. liviechan: if you end up in the xenaverse, avoid Xena and Gabby. Everyone around them suffers and dies, unless they are *really* lucky (and even then they'll still get hurt).
  118. Lil Bit: Life is better with a sidekick (or co-hero), especially if she learns to fight like you do.
  119. Devochka116: Chakrams are the ultimate tools: they slice, dice, and make a mean fish de-scaler and salad tosser!
  120. Unknown: These boots really don't go with this skirt!!!



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