THE END TIMES

VOLUME IV || ISSUE 1 || OCTOBER 25, 2006

Smoothie Steroid Scandal Drowns Swim Team

Academic Life Restructured for 2006

One-Ply Toliet Paper Myth Unrolled!

JBU's Emergency Campus Housing Plan for 2007

SAC Unleashes Diabolical Plan

Valley Road Speedbumps to be Replaced

JBU Targeted in U of A Conquest

Hidden Robots Protect Campus

Dear Phrank

To the Little Man

END TIMES HOME

Hidden Robots Protect Campus

During a recent Prospectives Weekend, JBU perspective Chuck McClumsierson, spotted an Autobot one night on his way to an event. What Chuck saw was something that occurs very often, but is not seen on a regular basis. Autobots, most commonly known from the hit TV series The Transformers, have been enlisted to defend the JBU campus from the enemy hordes that gather outside the bubble. In the particular skirmish that Chuck witnessed, Comm Unit-T, the JBU van, transformed in order to block his archenemy, Buddy the Budweiser Truck, from entering the campus. Comm Unit-T was victorious, but was unable to utterly defeat Buddy. It has been speculated that several of the lawn mowers on campus are also Transformers, but as of yet there is no solid proof. Keep a look out for our hidden protectors as they keep us safe.

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